Am I being unreasonable about the RD? Sorry LONG

So, FH and I decided that because we are having a morning wedding and all pictures taken before a rehearsal dinner the night before is just not do-able. As it is I'll be getting up no later than 4 am. His sister's families (readers) and my MOH live OOT, BM is a musician and works most weekends so he can only take off the Sunday before our wedding (we are getting married on a Monday). That left us with an option of a brunch on Sunday. Then the minister tells us he will be doing Sunday service that Sunday after all. This pushes the brunch to 1 p.m.

FMIL's original idea was to have it at their local Chinese food restaurant. Honestly, I'd rather have a barbecue at my own house. I am not a big fan of Chinese food and I know of at least three (of my 5 guests) that don't eat it at all. I'm not looking for a very fancy rehearsal dinner but in my opinion unless I loved Chinese food or it fit with a theme we were having, or we were Asian I don't see it being appropriate in light of the rest of our wedding. We just called her with suggestions for places for lunch (Bonwit Inn, etc). She calls back saying they mostly picked this Chinese food restaurant because her grandchildren are picky eaters and probably won't eat anything anyway and they don't want to pay for them. The owner of the Chinese food place has agreed not to charge FFIL full price for the kids. FFIL and FMIL go there all the time for the early bird special.

We are only having a rehearsal dinner of 22 people. Nine of them are FH's two sisters, husbands and kids. I am having 5 of the 22 guests. It's not like I'm asking them to host 70 people. We are also not inviting other OOTers. I also think a lunch elsewhere is going to be less expensive than a dinner so they are already saving money.

May I add, I've had three allergic reactions to Chinese food in the past two years and really don't need hives and huge puffed out eyes on my wedding day.

Am I being unreasonable?

Not at all!

Dose FMIL know about your reaction to Chinese food? And the many people don't like it? I would be so worried about having a reaction I wouldn't be able to eat!

Why doesn't Fh say something to his family about it? That's what I always do Set him on the case and get him to talk to his family to change the rehearsal dinner.

No-- and I think a brunch is much more appropriate- unless you do the dinner on Sat night instead of Sunday-- can't your FH talk to his mom?

I agree with you on the chinese food- unless you like had your first date with your FH at a chinese restaurant or whatever other connection- it is a weird place for an RD- although it can be very festive.

I would try to talk to FMIL again- and if all else fails- go with it- after the wedding it really won't matter.. And eat steamed veggies and rice to avoid any allergic reactions!

To look on the bright side- you can do like custom fortune cookies, or do a dim sum type of brunch instead- which is always fun.

But planning around the grandkids is not cool- it is your wedding-- most places wouldn;t charge full price for kids anyway.

Thanks ladies.

The problem is we discussed this over the phone. They had originally mentioned the Chinese food idea months ago and I didn't say anything because I said we'll have to see.

I think I know what happened. FMIL hung up the phone and spoke to FFIL and he said, 'no way am I paying for the five kids who never eat what's on their plate anyway'.

1. Since when do kids dictate the setting of an adult affair? Isn't it their parent's fault that they don't eat everything on their plate? When I was little my parent's didn't stand for that. I was not given an alternative.

2. As it is they are saving money by not doing a dinner. What would brunch cost per person $12-15 dollars instead of $20-30? FMIL and FFIL have PLENTY of money. They just booked a trip to Europe for September that is running over $14,000 and just came back from a month in San Diego.

3. My Dad is handicapped and homebound as a result of a stroke. Unfortunately, all of his money can't go to vacations, it's going to home care. I originally wanted to refuse it but he insisted I take a gift of several thousand dollars which is paying for the bulk of our reception (we are having less than 100 people).

4. They weren't happy that there are 22 people invited. Oh, please, I'm only having 6 guests (including myself)

5. The owner of the restaurant is gay and has a huge crush on FH. When he found out we were engaged you should have seen the look I got. That's weird!!

It doesn't look like they are going to budge on this issue despite the fact that my brother, one of my readers and myself, (I am only inviting three other guests Dad, MOH and her husband) do not eat Chinese food.

I guess my other alternative is to do one ourselves at the house but it's a small house and if the weather isn't perfect outside, we are screwed. I'd also have cleanup which I don't need. In that case I'd invite a few more of my girlfriends and see if they could help me.

I'm not a brat. I just don't see how it's appropriate and the whole idea kinda skeeves me

Thanks for letting me vent.