Am I crazy???

Kinda long and prob TMI but I really need to vent..

So when FH and I first started dating his ex was a psycho that kept calling/emailing/texting at all hours of the night. They were on/off for 5+ years...It finally got to the point where something had to be said to her...So FH told me he called her and told her all about me and that he was moving on bla bla bla...Turned out he never called her but went to her apt one night over 2 years ago to talk to her. But swears he was there only for a half hour tops

I had suspected all along that something might have happened the night he was at her apt and for the past 2+ years I would always ask him and he would tell me non stop nothing happened. We were only dating 3 months when he went there that night...Anyway...turns out everything I suspected DID happen that night. He finally admits the truth to me on Sat bc he didnt want to get married with this lie...I cant even describe how hurt I felt

I was with my ex bf for 6+ yrs and he treated me like complete garbage and I never trusted him at all...When FH confesses this I feel the same pit in my stomach that my ex used to constantly make me feel.

I feel so betrayed and hurt over all of this and I cant even look at him. I know in my heart if he had told me the truth when it happened I would have broken up with him...so now he waits until 2 months before the wedding so he can sleep better at night!!! I cant get this awful image out of my head and get even look at him

Again I had a suspicion something happened but to hear it was like a knife in the heart...what do I do??!?!

Ugh. This is a tough one.

Are you getting married in Church? Do you have a pastor? IF so, this is something to discuss and work out there. Your feelings are VERY valid and I would feel the same. I'm so sorry to hear this.



How is he reacting to your pain?

I totally understand how hurt you must feel!
it should kinda make you feel kinda good for 2 reasons...
first reason is its good he did finally tell you (altho it took him a while) you are going into this marriage completely honest with no secrets!!
and the second reason is..
you said you kinda had a feeling thats what he did all along! well at least you know now to go with your gut!!

but things happend for a reason, and its a good thing he didnt mention it earlier cuz like you said you would have broke up with him! something kept you together!! and now look 2 months you are getting married! im sure you love is alot stronger than to let something like that to come between it now!

I'm sorry this happened! I woud be upset too, but just think about all the time you guys have had after that and how much he wants to marry you...focus on how this is such a special time for you guys..Again I'm sorry you are going through this.

He feels terrible, and said he never wants to see my face the way it was after he admitted it. That he cant believe how much pain he just caused me.

Not that it makes it any easier but he didnt sleep with her, but did hook up.

Its just the image of it all that is burning me inside...Regardless if I thought it happened or not, to hear it from him mouth was horrifying.

He said he wished now that he took this to the grave with him like most guys would. He said selfishly he never told me bc he knows how hurt I would have been and was afraid I would have left when it first happened...which I would of...Ive been there and done that and promised myself never to go thru that again

You need to talk about this with a neutral party. I asked about a Pastor because forgiveness is a big- HUGE part of marriage.

My honest, honest opinion. I don't know you guys but he told you because he did not want to start his new life with you with any doubts. I'm sure he knew that you suspected this.

When you two are at the altar in a couple of months, it will mean the world to you because of things like this- that you overcome. You will overcome this because what you two share is sacred. NO hook up can take that away...especially one that was so early on.

It was wrong and he made a mistake and he admitted it to you. He came clean. Talk with someone together. The important thing is that no matter what, you two work through this as one because this is your marriage and this is the first of many tests which will come through the years.

I have faith that your love for each other will prevail.

You should find a counselor or pastor to talk to.

This is a very personal decision and you have to find out for yourself if you can forgive and forget.

All I can say is don't marry someone unless you can trust them 100%.

It stinks that he lied to you but I think it says something that he values your marriage enough to want to start with a clean slate. This all happened a long time ago and only you can decide where you want to go from here. Maybe you can talk to a counselor of if someone is doing a Pre Cana, talk to them so you can sort things out. I'm sorry you're hurt but I think it's more than understandable.

I thought when I read your first post that you were going to say 'and the baby is 1 1/2 years old today' at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously! I'm glad to read in your update that not only isn't there a child, but there wasn't even something that could've made a child....

Here's my blunt opinion (which you can choose to consider or disregard completely):

Your FH kissed other women before you.
Your FH will never kiss another woman again.

The closure he had with his ex that day years ago, which happened to be after you'd first started dating, was something that ex probably needed in order to finally slam the door shut. Maybe your FH needed it to. Either way, it was not cheating on you -- it was the only way for him to finally break off the past completely. It seems like he knew, even then, that you are the one person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and the only way to do that was to finally cut ties 100% with any lingering past.

I'm so sorry that you're hurt about what happened then, but it's ancient history. He feels bad about having lied to you about it, but the bump that that night was in your relationship with each other is so far in the distance, it practically looks smooth in the rearview mirror.

Give him a hug, look him in the eyes, and tell him you love him and are glad to know that there will never be any secrets -- or any reason for secrets -- between you two again. He made the right decision keeping that from you when it happened; otherwise you wouldn't be ready to marry your soulmate.

Feel free to FM if you want to talk more! All my best!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Only you can make this decision. We're here for you while you figure it out

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

I totally understand how hurt you must feel!
it should kinda make you feel kinda good for 2 reasons...
first reason is its good he did finally tell you (altho it took him a while) you are going into this marriage completely honest with no secrets!!
and the second reason is..
you said you kinda had a feeling thats what he did all along! well at least you know now to go with your gut!!

but things happend for a reason, and its a good thing he didnt mention it earlier cuz like you said you would have broke up with him! something kept you together!! and now look 2 months you are getting married! im sure you love is alot stronger than to let something like that to come between it now!

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I agree

I can only imagine what is running through your mind. Please believe you have very right you your feelings and you should fully embrace them. As guilty as he may feel and as sorry as he may be you are the one who was hurt and you need to take the time to build trust again, even if it was a long time ago. I agree with the other girls that it might be good idea to speak to someone about this, but if you don't want to, just make sure you take care of yourself and allow yourself to do what you have to in order to feel better about your relationship.