A cousin of mine will not be attending our wedding, but she actually called weeks later and left me a message saying her 17 year old daughter (who was NOT invited) will be coming! Now I found this very nervy! So, I let it go for as long as I could. Flowerfield is costing me a lot of money, and I cant believe someone would actually add a guest to my list! So, I got the nerve and called my cousin, and explained that there must have been a misunderstanding and that she is NOT invited. I said we were not having any of the younger cousins at the wedding. I left this message on her machine. Am I mean for doing this? Or should I have just let it go? Yesterday I felt good about my choice and now I feel like I may be *****y!
OctBride03
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Re: Am I mean?
Hmmm... I guess it's nervy that she didn't ask, but I don't see anything wrong with her taking her mother's place... JMO though
MarcellaBella
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nope, not mean AT ALL!! I would have done the same.. This isn't a high school sporting event where you can throw in a dAmn alternate.. some people kill me..
NYCMeghan
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Re: Am I mean?
you did the right thing, imo...
regina2
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Well, think of it this way, if she had come she would have been the only young person there. She wouldn't have had anyone there her age anyway.
nrvbrd
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Of course you did the right thing.
Invitations are not transferrable.
This is a wedding not a backyard BBQ.
ChristineC68
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Re: Am I mean?
I don't think it's mean. It was rude of her to substiture her daughter. Plus your other cousins, whose children were not invited, would probably be bent out of shape about it.
Scoop
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When it comes to proper etiquette....you are right on this one. However, sometimes people feel so honored to have been invited and feel horrible about not being able to attend....that they send someone in their place.
This happened to me and I wasn't bothered by it at all...instead of mother/daughter coming...daughter came and brought her boyfriend.
But this is your wedding and you have every right to decide who is there. Maybe try a follow-up message to make sure she understands.
MaryK
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Re: Am I mean?
I can see maybe the daughter wanted to come. But I know from my experience that if I had only one of the kids there and not the others it would have caused and family war. You can just say you couldn't make an exception for her because none of the other younger cousins were invited. That's not mean.
shelzyp
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I agree invitations are not transferrable!
NovemberSue
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I don't think it is mean of you because you didn't invite any of your other cousins and this could cause a problem with family if she goes.I think she was wrong to assume that she could send someone in her place.
Sandy&Ben
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Re: Am I mean?
how funny would it be if someone actually wrote, in small print on the bottom of the invitations, 'this invitation is not transferrable.'
however, you did the right thing by calling. people should know that you don't have the right to send a substitute! sheesh....
Sage10.03
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You did the right thing!
sparkette
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You definitely did the right thing. You should not feel bad about someone else inappropriate actions. Besides, would she really want to be the only teenager there? I cannot imagine it would be fun for her after the first 1/2 hour.
jennbaby
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It's your wedding Christy and you didn't invite HER so no you aren't mean!
sanmik
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Personally I don't know how close you are to your family, but I don't think it was necessary to go out of your way to call and say it, but if it makes you feel like you did the right thing, then OK.
christy
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sanmik... I hardly know this cousin. I am closer with her parents, but again they are not people I see often.
dkga1026
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I think that your cousin is sending her daughter with all good intentions - she probably feels really bad she can't be there herself so she is sending someone from the family to be there for you. She may be wrong, but I don't think it was mean-spirited. Just edited to say that I don't think you were that mean, but honestly, it could have been handled more subtly.
sanmik
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but if you're closer with her parents, don't you think they might be a little insulted that you don't want their daughter there? It's not that they are adding an invite, they are just subsituting an invite. I'm not saying you're wrong, but maybe they respect you to the point that they wanted someone there to 'represent' them.
