Am I missing out?

Varying degrees of missing out...

I have to say, I agree with SonicStef. No matter how wonderful you think things are going to be, living with someone and sharing space is very different than dating them.

I don't think that my husband and I missed out on any 'excitement' by living together before we married. But, our situation was much different. When we moved in together, I had moved clear across the country to Calif, so the whole experience was an adventure for both of us.

However, it took a good 3-4 months to adjust to sharing space, and getting used to each other's habits. Thankfully, we learned that we have similar desires for our living space, so that minimized the conflicts. But there was an occasional conflict over things you just wouldn't believe - like what kind of shower curtain to hang in the shower.

I think that my husband (then boyfriend) needed to time to accept that I wanted to decorate our apt, but that I wouldn't turn it into a floral and lace-filled home that he wouldn't recognize!

Am I missing out?

I am extremely happy that my FI and I chose to live together before we got married. We have been living together for 3 years and the first 2 years was rough. I was hard adjusting to each other's living styles and schedules. It has only been the past year that we are fully comfortable with each other and respect and except the way the other one lives. If we had chosen to wait until we got married to move in together I think our first few years of marriage would have been very hard.
As far as changes... I really don't beleive that all that much will change. As long as we keep the spark alive in our relationship then there is no reason that anything will change.

My Priest actually asked me that question

My reply was no. I had been living on my own for what felt like forever, and I was truly unsure if I could share my space and adapt to someone messing up my 'stuff.' I am glad we ironed out those issues well in advance. Like someone else posted, it is just more necessary to make the ceremony, reception and honeymoon more memorable.
I have been wondering why the statistics say that the couples who live together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate. Anyone know what they site as the problem?

My Priest actually asked me that question

They site that it happens with couples who weren't on the verge of an engagement or engaged when they moved it. When there were expectation problems and couples were truely ready and just did it because they felt it was time, they were basically common law already, or pressured.


I have seen it stated that you need a big committment to move in together and then make a marriage work..

I personally wouldn't move in with Joe until we were married bc a fiance just like a GF has no power and same for him with me. When it's legal on paper it's good enough for me. Plus I think it steals some mystery to live together. Also he is military and I'm 22 and just got my degree it's fine that our first place will be together when we are married, were excitied by that.

Another spin on this question...

Since people asked about missing out, I think it depends on what you consider missing out... ??? If your talking about mystery and suprise... then..
Kinda personal, but did anyone else stop having sexual relations till there wedding night. We did we felt it was important for us to do that for many reasons and thank god for a short engagement:)

Another spin on this question...

WE DID.. its been three weeks and we have three more to go!!

DianeL..re:the statistics about couples who live together

This is a topic close to my heart cuz I struggled with moving in or not before we got married. So I did a lot of reading...and about those statistics:
they claim that people who move in together before marriage are less 'traditional' and don't place much value on commitment. So that every little thing that comes up, arguments or whatever, people who moved in prior to marriage are move apt to give up and get divorced.
I decided that I don't fall into that category, cuz I am very traditional...we moved in together right before we got engaged!

Those statistics are flawed...

Virtually anytime you see stats on divorce, they are almost always flawed. (i.e. one in two marriages end in divorce is NOT true)

Too hard to explain via this post but the stats that people who live together are more likely to divorce is also flawed.

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Thank you girls for all your helpful responses!! *NM*

DianeL..re:the statistics about couples who live together

I totally disagree with this. I do not think that how committed a couple is or will be can be a result of whether or not they lived together beofre they were married. Many unmarried people who live together are totally committed to each other and making there relationship work regardless of whether ir not they are married. My FI and I always stuck by each other even before we were engaged. We were and are committed to making our relationship work and we have been for several years now.

re:the stats

listen ladies...I never said I 'agree' with these statistics. Diane asked what the 'stats' claim the reason is for the high divorce rate among people who live together before marriage. I just gave her an answer based on what I've read.
I am very happy for all of you who prove them wrong!

re:the stats

Thanks for clarifying.

I have to say that I am more committed, and believe more strongly in fidelity and committment, than most people I know.

I am older, 39, and a first time bride. Had I been younger, I never would have lived together before before we married. Then again, had I married the first man I thought I was going to marry, I would have been divorced by now, because he had a problem with fidelity. And we never lived together. I wonder if there are stats on age when marrying and divorce.