Are there any brides out there that are living with their fiances? We have been living together for 4 years now, I wonder if anything is going to 'change' when we are married, we have our apartment, joint everything. I am a little jealous of those brides who just move in with their husbands right from the Wedding, everything is new to eachother. Anyone else feel this way? Thanks!
My fiance and I have been living together for 5 years (dating for 11!) I also feel like not much is going to change logistically anyway- including not changing my name. Because of that, it is really important to us to make the wedding ceremony itself very special and personal. More of a celebration of what we have built together over the years. Its a way of saying to each other and everyone else that yes, we know this works but we are still excited after all this time to be together. It is hard to put it into words, but I hope that helps.
My fiance and I have been together almost 9 years, and have been living together for almost 3 years. Some people say it'll change when you get married, but honestly I don't think so. We are living a married life right now. Everything we have, do, etc. is like we're married. I think it's better when you live together before you get married because there are things you learn about your significant other that you didn't know when you were just dating. You both learn a lot. I'm glad we live together already. It'll relieve the stresses of when you first move in together, and you know what you're getting ahead of time sort of speak. I know of people who dated for a while, then got married, and then moved in together, and now they can't stand each other, or they fight all the time because they didn't know how they were to live with. But that's just my opinion, I'm sure this will bring on some contraversy (can't spell today) but, I wanted to give my opinion. I mean I think it's nice that a couple wait until they get married to live together, they can't wait for that excitement, but you look at the reality, and it's always a chance. I'm not saying it won't work out, there's just always a chance. I'm glad my FI and I love living together. Everything worked out great, so I'm sure it could for everyone else! Just a reminder, I'm not putting anyone down so I don't need responses saying that, it's just my opinion from my experiences. I wish everybody the best of luck with their marriages!
Me and my FI are living together for 5 years and together for 6 and friends for 12 years!! i feel that we are not missing out on anything.. I am not sure things will change, but i dont think i would want to move intogether after marriage..i have lived with a previous FI and we found out we werent right for each other AFTER we moved in.. if i waited to marry, wed be divorced already..i dont think your missing out at all...
My fiance and I have been living together for about 2 years, and I just had a similar conversation with my MOH about living together before marriage. I guess we will be missing out on the initial excitement of moving in after the wedding. But I wouldn`t trade the last 2 years I`ve had living with my FI to wait until after the wedding. It's been so great, and I'm so happy we've had the time together. I think living together is exciting, whether it's before or after the wedding.
Hope this helps!
I have been living with my fiance for almost two years. I guess I'll miss out on the excitement of a whole new life following our wedding but I will also be avoiding all of the stress.
I say absolutely not. I lived with my husband for a year before we got married and I would not trade it for the world.
We have been together for 4 1/2 years and living together for 3. I am so glad we moved in together, we are very different in terms of housework, what we do in our free time, etc. so I have learned a lot about my fi and myself. I have learned to be more flexible, patient, not to sweat the small stuff, etc. We balance each other out and have been able to meet each other half way in things that we don't agree on. I know this would have happened anyway, for us and couples who move in after marriage. But, for me, b/c of living together, I am sure I want to be with my fi for the rest of our lives. Also, since we share finances the only things that will change is my name and being eligible for each other's benefits. The main reason we are getting married is that we want make a public committment (the ceremony) and we are ready to have kids.
not missing out -
... the shock and disappointment that comes when you realize your new husband isn't as neat as you thought.
... finding out now that your new husband finds your really annoying.
... discovering that your new husband will not do quite as many chores as you expected.
The way I see it, those of us who have lived together are the lucky ones! We've already gone through the struggles of figuring out how to share space! :-)
You got to do what you got to do, Right. We have been living together for 4 years, and for me it is a plus, we know we can live together for one thing and there wont be any shocks. Many people that dont officially live together, spend every available moment at the others house, so they basically live together. Before my FI moved in OFFICIALLY, he was at my apartment all the time from the day I moved into it.
Marriage is a whole new step, and yes some of us have one up cause we already live together but there is so much more to a marriage, so some things will be changing and new experiences, I cant wait!!
I just wanted to add that I am not living with my FH. I am looking forward to moving in after the wedding - I'm sure there will be rough spots with getting used to living with another person, but I am glad that we waited. We've known each other for a long time, so hopefully we are already familiar with each other's bad habits and things like that.
I'm with you Annie02
Like Bride02 I had lived with someone many years ago and we had discussed getting married but after spending a year living with eachother we realized that we could NOT live together. So had we waited to live together until after we were married I would now be divorced.
My FI and I live together now and I am so glad because it does take some adjusting but I definately know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I don't think we're losing out at all.I can't wait to be 'his wife.' Living together just proves that it can work. I know people that lived together and found out it couldn't work (luckily before they married.)
I understand what you are going through! My Fi & I ave a child together & have been living together over a year so when I told people we got engaged some of them said 'I've been calling him your husband anyway' Like because we lived together & had a child it wasn't that exciting. It ticked me off because I feel this is a new and wonderful thing that is going to happen. Even if others don't think so!
There is definitely something we (live in couples) miss when we are married.
Some of it is the excitement and anticipation of moving in with your husband for the first time after the wedding. Some of it is starting a home together with all the new stuff (as oppopsed to figuring out what to register for since you already have everything!).
However, as Valenia said: there are things we are missing out on that Im happy not to experience again.
Moving in with someone is not a bed of roses no matter how compatable you are. MY FH and I had never fought (in 3 years of dating) until we moved in together.
And if anyone thinks they know how its going to go down - thats just naivete! No matter how smoothly you think you might mix or how much you try to avoid conflict - sharing space is going to cause problems intially.
i also lived with someone who if i had waited to live with until after marriage, we''d be divorced. i don''t think we are missing out on anything. we registered for all the things a couple not living together would have and i cannot wait until we can throw out our mismatched plates and cruddy old hand-me-down appliances. we still have buying our fist house and moving in there to look forward to. we can relax on our honeymoon and not have moving stress to deal with when we come home. we''ve had all the major fights you have when you first live together and i''m glad those are over with. we have our finances all figured out because we''ve been paying bills together for 2 years. i can understand why people would want to wait until after. i''m sure it is very exciting but for me, it''s not worth the potential risk of realizing you aren''t compatible until after the vows are taken. just my two cents...
I think there are pros and cons either way you look at this topic. Scott and I have only lived together since June 01 but I am glad that we are living together before getting married. We are both in our 30's and have lived alone for many years. It takes a lot of adjustment when you start sharing your home with someone else, no matter how much you love each other. BUT I can also see how exciting it is not to live together first.
I still think there will be some changes after the wedding. Maybe not as dramatic as living together for the first time, but subtle changes.
And I still registered for lots of stuff that I wanted, even though I have lots of stuff already. Who says you cannot have new dishes even if the ones you have now are in perfect condition :)
