Am I over reacting? BM vent (Sorry this is so long)

I know we've all (or a lot of us anyway) gone through the feeling that our BMs are just not there for us - and I actually took some comfort in knowing that it seems to be a pretty common occurrence. But I am really upset now.
One of my BMs has a whole lot of stuff going on in her life right now and so I haven't expected anything from her (she very unexpectedly found out she was pregnant about a week after I got engaged. Her then boyrfriend, now FH lives in California and has two kids there - so she has been trying to figure out if she's moving there and if so what about her job, etc.) So she is now due in less than 2 weeks.
Meanwhile, I've been trying to plan our RD, which we cannot do the night before the wedding b/c of out of town bridal party members who have kids in school - so they won't arrive until about 9-10pm the night before the wedding (and one of the OOT kids is my flowergirl). Because of a whole lot of stuff going on, the ONLY weekend we can do the RD is 9/24 (we could do it the weekend before the wedding but that means asking the OOTs to travel here 2 weekends in a row -which I thought would be tough for them). So I send an email last night telling everyone when the RD is (9/24) and this morning, got a response from that BM saying she doesn't know if she can make it b/c he FH's kids will be visiting from Ca. that weekend, to see their new 1/2 brother (they'll be here for a long w/e). Really - you can't get away for a few hours to come the RD???? She hasn't done ANYTHING with respect to my wedding (Meanwhile, I took time off from work to go with her to Dr appts b/c obviously her FH couldn't be there; and her birthday was 2 weeks ago - we went to a nice spa in the City and had massages, mani/pedi's and then to a nice lunch). I'm so upset right now. I called her to let her know how I felt and we got into a big fight I don't know what to do

i'm sorry, sometimes we do so much for others and when they don't return the gesture, we feel slighted.
I have to say, from what you said it sounds like she has a lot going on on her plate rightnow too, so while iw ould be upset, i don't know that i would go crazy over it. but that is just me.
if she can't come, then she can't come and see how she reacts with you after the wedding. if the friendship continues to be one sided, i would cut her off.

Sorry your dealing with that!!

I've had ALOT of BM issues...what I've come to realize is that unfortunately weddings bring out the true colors in some people. Its not fair for you to give give give and not get any mutual support in return.

My advice- don't let the situation bother you...whoever shows up to the RD, or doesnt, the end result is that this event is all about you and your getting married soon!! wohoooo

Sucks your going throught this...I been hearing horror stories regarding BM and the only thing I can say in regards to that is....learn how to pick your BM's. dont just pick anyone.

She dealing with a lot of stuff now. It's just a RD is not like she's missing the wedding.

So I say...move on and dont let this affect you.

If it was a normal BM, I might be mad

But she has so much going on right now and she is probably scared and unsure of the future, I'd just let it go

sorry you're feeling sad... :(

i can completely understand you being upset about the situation, but since you asked - i'd say you might want to think about your friend's circumstances before getting upset with HER. i know it's not just about the RD... it sounds like she hasn't done (or been able to do??) much for you as a BM. but that doesn't mean she wouldn't WANT to do more. sometimes people have so much on their plate, and there comes a time when you have to say, 'no.' unfortunately for you, this is probably one of her times.

whether she's there in person or in spirit, just enjoy the night. it's going to be wonderful no matter what! :)