am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

ok, I need your advice bc FH keeps telling me that I'm overreacting. Here's the situation... FH and I have been engaged for 3 1/2 years. We recently, about 6 months ago, finally decided we were ready (financially) to start planning the wedding. We are still kinda young and have to pay for EVERYTHING ourselves. Anyway, so in the mist of us looking around for RH's - FBIL gets engaged. I was so happy and thought that it was going to be fun planning our weddings together. But, it hasn't. FSIL is pretty young and is the first in her family and friends to get married, so she doesn't know much about weddings. I've tired to help by telling her my thoughts and ideas for my own wedding, but now I'm getting frustrated.
First, FH and I book a day and RH. a week later, she books a day a month after ours - which I was okay with until she made it clear that she was actually annoyed at us for booking our date in the summer when she wanted the summer, (ps since I've known her she always said she wanted a fall wedding). Then she tells her even younger sister (MOH) that she has to plan the BP and shower around my dates, so I have her keep asking me when mine is going to be. I have no idea!! It's a year away!! They want me to tell them or they are just going to plan it. Whatever! And now, we both ordered STD's, we talked about this two weeks ago, that she was going to wait another month or two bc it was too early and to let her know when I send mine out. This would make sense since my wedding is first and her's is still over a year away (08/08). I get the mail the other day and guess what's there.... yup, her STD's. I just feel like she's rushing to do things before me. Am I taking it to far?? I have no problem having our weddings close, but isn't it just common curiosity to understand that since FH is older, we have been engaged longer and our wedding is first that she should allow me to do things like this first? I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, but I just get the sense that she's not happy that our wedding is first, so she's doing everything before me. P.s. - she already picked out invitations, I'm sure those would go out well before mine as well. What do I do here??

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

There's really nothing you can do. Just don't tell her any details about your wedding and follow your own schedule.

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

I don't think you're overreacting, you have every right to feel that way. But I do agree that you should just continue to plan YOUR way and make any dates or decisions you want about your wedding. Don't let her ruin anything for you and enjoy doing what you're doing! And there's no need to have to 'run' things by her either! HTH!

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Don't tell her anything about yours anymore. My sister decided to get married 2 months after me. So my wedding is july and hers is september. I was really pissed. but I got over it. cause i realized mines first!!! And just make sure you do all the things for your wedding and don't worry about her or her wedding.

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

I can totally understand why this would annoy you! Still, I think everybody's right. Plan your wedding at your own pace, use the vendors you like, pick the invites you like, have your shower or anything else whenever you want, and don't sweat it. The only think that kind of stinks is that you were looking forward to planning together and now it seems like you might be better off keeping the details to yourself. But that might be the best thing in order to have the wedding of YOUR dreams and also maintain a decent relationship with her. Good luck planning - don't let this dampen your excitement!!

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

I have to say i agree with everyone too. Do what you want to do on your own timeline and don't worry about what anyone else does!!!

I had something very similar happen...my fiance' proposed to me on Christmas Eve...the following week, we were going to Niagara Falls for New Years' with his best friend. His best friend was going to propose to his girlfriend in Feb, but decided to do it when we were all on vacation together. My FH is the most laid back person in the universe, nothing bothers him - but this sure did. It kinda felt like they stole our thunder...so i completely get how you feel.

I can tell you that you should take a few days, be angry and then other things will make you happy!!!! It just stops mattering....

Hope this helped in SOME way

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

I agree.... just don't tell her anything about your wedding.

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

i would definitely keep everything to yourself.. and definitely dont let her catch wind that its upsetting you. she needs to know its not a competition and theres no reason to be the first to send things out

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

thanks ladies, I don't know why FH can't understand why this upsets me! I will take your advice and try to keep my plans to myself. Why do people have to be like that??

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

I would just breathe deep and do what you need to do !!!

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

don't tell her any thing about the wedding..and it also sounds like shes trying to compete with you (i would be annoyed also) just remember its not competition..but you are marrying the man you love!

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

DONT SHARE ANY WEDDING DETAILS, PLAN YOUR WEDDING ACCORDING TO YOUR PLANS, WELL SHES BUSY COMPETING YOU WILL BE BUSY PLANNING THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE... DO NOT LET HER UPSET YOU.. P/S SHE PROBALLY IS JEALOUS YOUR FIRST.

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)

Nothing you really can do but step back. Don't tell her any of your plans. It seems she is making you out to be competition, but in truth they are 2 different weddings. If you decide to do one color and she pics it for her wedding, just remember you get married first and she'll look like the copycat that can't think of things on her own!

Re: am I overreacting? (long, sorry)