I feel so bad that i'm even thinking this but I can't help it. Our wedding is going to cost significantly more than we expected and now i'm reconsidering inviting distant family that I haven't ever seen or that I've met once or twice. Here is the worst part, my reason for this is because i know most of them aren't in a good financial situation and probably wont bring a gift at all. Is it terrible to invite other people who I think will be more financially able to bring gifts???? Please be honest.......
Suzannebride
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Re: Am I terrible?
Hmmm....while I uderstand where you are coming from, I think that I have read when you invite someone to something it is to have them as a guest and that they aren't under an obligation to bring a gift. It is understandable to think about not inviting people who are not well off because you worry that they will feel obligated to spend money that they don't have. I'd spin it that way!
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Am I terrible?
well if you want honesty... here it goes.
IMO, it's not right to invite people because of what they will give you. you invite people who you love to help celebrate the most important day of your life, period.
SillyBeans
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Re: Am I terrible?
no, I don't think you are terrible at all. If they were very very close family you wouldn't feel that way, but they are distant. If you feel like you can't invite them because of financial reasons, don't. you are not obligated .
Goldi1021
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Re: Am I terrible?
Honestly, it is ok to cut your list because of financial difficulty, but to to replace them with people who you think night be able to contribute to your financial future or to help pay for your wedding isnt right. Sorry. JMO.
lacey&mark
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Re: Am I terrible?
you aren't a horrible person, but with weddings, its always good to keep in mind its about spending the best day of your life with those you love...not about gifts! personally, i am only inviting the relatives i know well and love, not distant ones whom i may have difficulty picking out of a line up, ya know? i just want people there who we truly want there, regardless of their financial situation. ~lacey
rachel212
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Re: Am I terrible?
WE're all only human and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I think you should only invite people you want there, for your special day, and not because of anything else...so if you aren't really close with them, that is understandable why you wouldn't care if they were there or not. I try not to think about the gifts, even though, it definitely creeps into though on occasion.
camposal
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Re: Am I terrible?
thanks for the honesty. I originally didn't want to invite some of this family since i dont know them, but my mom really wants them to come. The problem lies in that they all have adult teen children with boyfriends and my mom wants to invite all of them. That's just a lot of money for me to spend on people i dont even know.
MrsD06
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Re: Am I terrible?
Are you guys paying for your whole wedding? If your mom makes an issue out of it, I would say that you are not able to pay for over whatever number of guests. Maybe she would offer to pay towards extras that SHE is so set on having there but whom you don't really know.
rachel212
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Re: Am I terrible?
If your paying for your own wedding, then you should be the one deciding who is there. That's what I think anyway. My FH and I are paying for everything ourselves so when my parents mentione that 'so and so would really like to be there' and I don't even know them, I tell her I can't afford it - period.
MrsD06
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Posted by rachel212
If your paying for your own wedding, then you should be the one deciding who is there. That's what I think anyway. My FH and I are paying for everything ourselves so when my parents mentione that 'so and so would really like to be there' and I don't even know them, I tell her I can't afford it - period.
excellent advice! (great minds think alike)
rachel212
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Posted by LR5883
Posted by rachel212
If your paying for your own wedding, then you should be the one deciding who is there. That's what I think anyway. My FH and I are paying for everything ourselves so when my parents mentione that 'so and so would really like to be there' and I don't even know them, I tell her I can't afford it - period.
excellent advice! (great minds think alike)
Well, thank you very much. I was thinking the same about yours
camposal
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thanks everyone, now i dont feel like the worst person on the planet. I'm gonna have to think about this and then have a sit down with my parents.
MJDoc12
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Re: Am I terrible?
Posted by dleeny
well if you want honesty... here it goes.
IMO, it's not right to invite people because of what they will give you. you invite people who you love to help celebrate the most important day of your life, period.
i agree---if you don't want to invite them cause of financial reasons on YOUR part--then no you are not a terrible person. sometimes you have to cut a list down and not invite Uncle Morty that you have only met 1 time in your lifetime.
BUT if you cut ppl from your list SOLELY based on the fact that you don't think they'll give you a good enough gift---well IMHO--i think that's terrible. sorry. JMO
M&S Sept12006
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Re: Am I terrible?
No its not...you invite whoever you can and what your budget allows for. If there are people that you wish would come to your wedding but you cant invite them bc of $$, then I would suggest shaving off the costs in different areas...
chloeme2
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Re: Am I terrible?
Posted by lacey&mark
you aren't a horrible person, but with weddings, its always good to keep in mind its about spending the best day of your life with those you love...not about gifts! personally, i am only inviting the relatives i know well and love, not distant ones whom i may have difficulty picking out of a line up, ya know? i just want people there who we truly want there, regardless of their financial situation. ~lacey
I agree
sr081906
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Re: Am I terrible?
Please do not feel bad at all. This is my exact reasoning for my own wedding.
1/ why invite relative I have not seen in 15 years and who do not care about me and my whereabout 2/ FH and I are paying for our own wedding
We set ourself a budget and we are sticking to it. Our budget is ridiculously smaller than anybody else but this is what we want.
Please do not feel pressured to go into debt if this is not what you want. In the end, you will be left with the bills. Especially if it is because you invited people who are not that close to you.
In the other hand, we invited people we wanted to be part of our day. Not to be disappointed, we assumed from the beginning that we would not get anything in return (gifts). That way, anything given to us is a real gift.
sarahradio5
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Re: Am I terrible?
You're not terrible. It's not like you're cutting 'Grandma' because she's not going to give a good gift. These are people you haven't seen in awhile. While it's nice that events like this bring families together, it's also hard when you're the one footing the bill to make that happen. I think it's a good idea for your parents can pay for the group that they would like to see at your wedding since inviting the whole clan will cost too much for you. While we are not supposed to think of weddings purely from a financial perspective, we also shouldn't be in the poorhouse afterwards because of it either! (even though it feels that way more and more these days... lol)
CLMon7906
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Re: Am I terrible?
IMO, on a bad day, I'd totally agree with you....I might never admit to it, but I've felt that way from time to time...and FH has even said things like he should invite his coworkers for the monetary donations (he's a lawyer and the emphasis was on the partners), that said, no, you aren't terrible....and from now on, your reason is the first one mentioned....'they are distant and you've never met them or haven't seen them in years.'
it isn't the greatest moment to acknowledge that you want to NOT invite someone over someone with more $$, but we can't really judge you over it either b/c let's face it, many of us are inviting some people in hopes of a really substantial gift.
October Bliss
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I cut 6 family members from my guest list because I had met them exactly ONCE in my lifetime. It had nothing to do with what kind of gift I thought they may or may not give. Frankly, having met them only once in my life I have no idea what their individual financial situations are. But after discussing it with my mother, it was kind of silly to exclude friends I see weekly or daily, to include people I met once as a teenager. If you are limited to 150 people, and you are excluding 20 family members because they won't give you a gift, and inviting 20 other people that aren't related so you will get a gift (or a more substantial gift), then yea, I have to say that is pretty bad.
