Am I wrong??

GoingNutty Posted: Sep 18, 2005 01:05 AM

Am I wrong??

I emailed my girls today to let them know about hair, makeup, jewelry, shoes, etc for the wedding. Basically for everything I am leaving it up to them to do what they want. The one thing I asked was that if anyone was planning to go tanning that they don't go crazy, because my wedding is in November and it just won't look natural (besides the fact that the majority of us will be pale). I got a response from one of my friends saying 'she hoped I wasn't aiming that at her and its not her fault if some people are white and it looks funny'.... It's NOVEMBER. Most people are going to be pale.

Was I wrong in even bringing this up? It also wasn't directed just to her, my sister is a big tanner too... The tone of her response just really irked me

SomethingBlu Posted: Sep 18, 2005 01:22 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

I don't know. I am very relaxed and was very relaxed during wedding planning (maybe too relaxed ) so I would never dream of telling anyone, even if they are in my BP, how to accesorize, how to do their hair or makeup and/or mention tanning - or lack thereof.
However, I realize that most girls aren't this 'free' and some want uniformity (I'm against matching ). With that said, I know I wouldn't get offended if a bride requested that I do something for her wedding since well, it's her wedding and I accepted a 'job' as a BM. Her response was probably the result of shock...who knows what she was thinking, she most likely felt singled out.
But I will tell you this...my BM's were all different complexions - from very pale to very tanned (one loves the sun) and I think the pictures look great. All eyes will be on you...I don't think it matters what 'shade' their fake a bake tan is.
But also Jennie try not to stress about certain things and don't take things to heart because there are things beyond our control. Your day will be perfect and provided no one looks like George Hamilton I am sure the girls will look beautiful - albeit less beautiful than the radiant bride.

WedHead Posted: Sep 18, 2005 01:41 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

I can see your concern, but unfortunately, I don't think you can regulate their tanning habits. If they look silly in November, it's them that will look silly, not you. It's probably not worth stressing over.

PinkSoil Posted: Sep 18, 2005 08:38 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

I would have to agree with what the other girls said. The only thing I told my girls they must have is the dress (obviously) and the gloves. As for jewelry, hair, makeup, shoes, I let them do whatever they want. However, I do understand some brides want more uniformity... but in this case, it's her skin, I'd have to say let her do what she wants.

KimberlyBride Posted: Sep 18, 2005 08:51 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Honestly yes I think it was a bit much to tell someone to not go tanning. I am very pale and if I were a BM and someone asked me to go tanning I would be offended. No one will care if anyone is tan or not. JMO

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Sep 18, 2005 09:48 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Posted by WedHead

I can see your concern, but unfortunately, I don't think you can regulate their tanning habits. If they look silly in November, it's them that will look silly, not you. It's probably not worth stressing over.

I agree with this. the only request I made from my BP is that they all order the same color dress. they each got a different dress in the same exact color.

JPC1125 Posted: Sep 18, 2005 09:57 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

I actually agree with you Jennie

When it comes to suggesting what they shoudl do re: tanning or makeup, I think you should give your opinion

Its your pictures that will look weird if one girl is a dark as a turkey thigh and other look like a chicken breast

Dont worry about her response....just let it slide as her being overly sensitive and thinking it was her you were reffering to

GoingNutty Posted: Sep 18, 2005 11:25 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Thanks girls for your opinions.

Just to clarify, I wasn't telling anyone they couldn't go tanning, I just asked them if they did not to go overboard. This friend had gone tanning for another friends wedding in April and the rest of us were all white... it looked a little funny in the pix and that was what I am concerned about... I know some people feel better with some color and thats fine... In the email I even said, this is just my opinion on the subject but it is your call. I never forbid anyone to go.

I also told them shoes, hair, makeup, etc, to do whatever they wanted to make them feel comfortable. I am not about uniformity either... I think it was more the comment she made (among some others) that really made me angry.

Thanks again

micmar Posted: Sep 18, 2005 12:01 PM

Re: Am I wrong??

I would probably just be concerned if they had tan lines. Which most likely wouldn't be an issue in Nov. I know when my brother got married, his wife's friend had major tan lines & they showed in the photos. But they got married in Aug. I wouldn't stress...

krispykreme Posted: Sep 19, 2005 10:23 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

personally i think jealousy is at hand here..why dont you tan for your wedding so she doesnt look odd in your pictures..most brides now adays tan anyway...if she is a close enough friend to ask to be in your wedding somehting like tanning shouldnt really be an issue...relax..

Soccer_Girl Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:42 AM

.

Beth1210 Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:44 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Posted by coopersmom

Posted by krispykreme

personally i think jealousy is at hand here..why dont you tan for your wedding so she doesnt look odd in your pictures..most brides now adays tan anyway...if she is a close enough friend to ask to be in your wedding somehting like tanning shouldnt really be an issue...relax..

Have you noticed that people with ONE POST usually have very negative things to say? hmmmmmm........

serioulsy- why so negative on the first post- that's not a great way to start out!

SomethingBlu Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:46 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Posted by Beth1210

Posted by coopersmom

Posted by krispykreme

personally i think jealousy is at hand here..why dont you tan for your wedding so she doesnt look odd in your pictures..most brides now adays tan anyway...if she is a close enough friend to ask to be in your wedding somehting like tanning shouldnt really be an issue...relax..

Have you noticed that people with ONE POST usually have very negative things to say? hmmmmmm........

serioulsy- why so negative on the first post- that's not a great way to start out!

I agree! That's an odd first post.

Aga Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:54 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

Posted by krispykreme

personally i think jealousy is at hand here..why dont you tan for your wedding so she doesnt look odd in your pictures..most brides now adays tan anyway...if she is a close enough friend to ask to be in your wedding somehting like tanning shouldnt really be an issue...relax..

tanning is not good for you, so why should she tan and I dont think she has anything to be jealous about

Mrs.Z Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:58 AM

Re: Am I wrong??

I dont think its such a big deal with her being 'darker' than everyone else it happens My MOH was so dark so is DH so it balanced.
and KrisyKreme c'mon

DayBeforeThanksgiving Posted: Sep 19, 2005 04:16 PM

Re: Am I wrong??

I am white as a ghost... red hair too! My girls have all different complexions... 3 blonde hair blue eyes, 1 olive skin tone, 1 African American and 1 Spanish.... they are all different shades... the color of their skin shouldn't really matter. Maybe it was a bit overboard to specify how much/little they should tan. Maybe just send out another email apologizing that you didn't mean to offend anyone and leave it at that. Shoes, accessories, hair, etc... you can have a say in that within reason, but the color of their skin is really their own preference.

Don't worry about it...just apologize and you'll be fine! Good luck!