Brides Helping Brides ™ - Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

LisaJill Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:21 PM

Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

For my birthday in August my FH got me concert tickets at Radio City Music Hall. We almost never go to nyc so i was very excited because we could go to dinner and get dressed, etc. Well, he comes home last night and tells me that he had given his mom, for her birthday, tickets for her and his brother to go to the same concert the same night!!! They are going to drive in with us and sit close by!!! Oh, btw: he is very close with his mom. He, his mom, and his brother went away together this weekend. I am soo mad that he decided without asking me to basically invite his mommy to a concert that he was taking me to for my birthday! Plus, the only reason she likes this group is because he took one of my CDs and burned it for her! Please tell me what you think. I am soo mad!!!! I dont want to go with them!!! His mom is kinda like the other woman (she is divorced) and she has always been possessive of him. How can he do this????

littlebookworm4 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:27 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

i'd have to agree with you on that one! i'd be a bit peeved myself espeically when you thought that you were going to have a night out with just him

prinses777 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:30 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

ummmmmmmmmmm... I personally wouldn't care... In fact I would have a lot of fun...

I guess its just the relationship you have with his mother...

I could see how you could get mad... But I personally wouldn't.

I think he was just trying to do a nice thing for both of you.

JMO

LisaJill Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:32 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

His mom and I are not too close. We have been together three and a half years and she still calls our home (we live together for over a year) and leaves messages 'Hi Bryan...'. Doesn't even acknowledge I am there!!! Just one example!!! And she just won't share him.... she does his laundry a lot still, whenever he goes to her house she makes bagged lunches for him the next day!!!!

prinses777 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:34 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Oh dear... They need some space...

I see what you are saying...

prncssrachel Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:38 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

JT's mother had her claws in him when we first started dating. When we were dating for about a year, I broke my ankle. All my family was away at our house upstate, and I couldn't walk, so JT stayed with me. His mother called him and said, 'I'm here DYING, and you're there with HER! How could you do this to me? You don't love me!', etc. etc. She had cancer THREE YEARS before this, and was in remission. She told JT that she was terminally ill, and she couldn't believe he was with me when she was dying Meanwhile, she wasn't sick OR dying. She was just an @sshole. So I understand overbearring MILs. He eventually realized what was going on and cut the umbilical cord. Men have to be trained. Don't be too mad. His mom got to train him his whole life! So you'll just have to be that much more dilligent at it

LisaJill Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:43 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

BJandDan Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:44 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

That is a tough one. I probably would be peeved too.

prncssrachel Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:50 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Posted by LisaJill

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

You need to sit him down when you are not angry and explain to him that his relationship with his mom has a DIRECT effect on his relationship with you. And tell him while you respect his relationship with his mom, he needs to make sure that SHE respects his relationship with you. Keep playing up the point that you respect how important his family is to him, but then hit him with the other side of it that YOU will be part of his family, as well, and that a marriage is something between the two of you, not the two of you and his mom. Just don't get emotional over it, something tells me your FH is like my DH, the emotional response makes them think you are attacking them. Stupid boys with their stupid moms! ARGH!

WedHead Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:51 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Yikes, I def. think you should have a sit down with him about this relationship with his mom before you get married - but be careful, phrase it gently or it'll come back to haunt you. Good luck!

LisaJill Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:54 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

thanks for your suggestion. I have a feeling at some time we will find ourselves in counseling over this issue. It frightens me that she is so involved in his life. I feel like if we ever have kids she is going to be too involved. AHHHH

WedHead Posted: Sep 13, 2005 08:59 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Don't feel bad - unfortunately, I think a lot of us have to deal with this issue. You may have to use the kill her with kindness approach. If you make an attempt to be super nice to his mom, when you speak to him about your concerns, maybe he won't be so defensive b/c he'll see you have a nice relationship with her but are just concerned about him loosening the apron strings.

Goldi1021 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 09:24 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

I have that issue. My FILs just lost their slave boy when we got a plce together. I noticed that in two weeks, she has yet to call him on our land line phone (YES WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE). She calls on the cell because she knows I wont pick it up. Hmmm.

Pmpkn087 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 09:34 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Posted by LisaJill

thanks for your suggestion. I have a feeling at some time we will find ourselves in counseling over this issue. It frightens me that she is so involved in his life. I feel like if we ever have kids she is going to be too involved. AHHHH

Yes, she will. My dad is a mamma's boy to the tenth degree. My mom has experienced sooo many headaches because of her interfering and she is even worse when it comes to us kids.

LisaJill Posted: Sep 13, 2005 09:36 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

tara51799 Posted: Sep 13, 2005 09:56 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Posted by prinses777

Oh dear... They need some space...

I see what you are saying...

I agree with you on this...the cord needs to be broken!!!

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 13, 2005 10:30 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Posted by LisaJill

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

Yikes! I'd be super pissed! You need to talk to him about this now, it will only get worse after you are married. Explain to him that you were excited because you thought this was a night for just the two of you. He needs some distance from Mommy!

PegaLega Posted: Sep 13, 2005 10:41 PM

Re: Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

Posted by EvenEdan

Posted by LisaJill

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

Yikes! I'd be super pissed! You need to talk to him about this now, it will only get worse after you are married. Explain to him that you were excited because you thought this was a night for just the two of you. He needs some distance from Mommy!

I think he definitely needs some distance! I would be extremely Pissed off if I were you.