Am I wrong for being really mad at my FH?? He is so dumb!

That stinks, especally since it's a birthday present. I had an ex who would always do things like that, only with his brother. Everytime I thought that we were going out for a nice dinner or movie together, surprise surprise he would always invite his brother and his girlfreind out along with us. It was SO annoying. I would be totally peeved too. Tell him your upset, maybe you two can do somthing after the show alone?

I would be upset about that..
Is this something he does often? You should really sit down with him and tell him *calmly* how you feel... he probably doesn't even realize.

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Posted by WedHead

Don't feel bad - unfortunately, I think a lot of us have to deal with this issue. You may have to use the kill her with kindness approach. If you make an attempt to be super nice to his mom, when you speak to him about your concerns, maybe he won't be so defensive b/c he'll see you have a nice relationship with her but are just concerned about him loosening the apron strings.

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See, I agree with this . . . There's no way to fight HER except to kill her with kindness... especially since I have some personal knowledge of some 'words' you and FMIL have had together in the past ... I don't think starting wars with her will help at this point. I'd be sweet as can be to her, and try to handle the problem with my FH - and I'd want to have it settled BEFORE the wedding!

Handling her is only half the battle (or even less than half). The other half is communicating with your FH in a way that is calm, open, honest, and does not make him feel defensive. No matter how angry you are, you two are getting married - which means you have to work this out and come to a resolution or you are going to have many fights and be quite unhappy for many years whenever his mom comes up - and with him (unfortunately) that seems to be a lot.

He needs to recognize that wife is NUMBER 1. I agreed with you a long time ago that the joint CHECKING account was a major problem!!!! I totally agree with you on that... I mean, a lot of this stuff is common sense that he should KNOW - but I think he already has it in his head that you are 'against' her for some reason (even though he's wrong) and that is why he might think you are biased and just trying to pull them apart. In reality, you are doing the right thing with regard to not wanting him to share a checking account with her, not wanting her to do his LAUNDRY, and so on.

Maybe you can find him some kind of book or something from someone else to show him that you're really not asking for too much. Maybe even show him this LIW page if he wouldn't get too angry about it. There has to be a way where he is shown 'the light' and realizes that he is over 30 years old and should cut the cord from mommy and that he is about to have a WIFE.

With respect to the current ticket problem, you know, I understand why he did it, and I personally think he had really good intentions - in trying to get you two to get along... and because he wants the two women he loves to spend time together... however, your birthday present was probably NOT the best way to go about doing that. lol I can also see why you're annoyed. I think instead of WWIII, open and honest calm communication would help you both. This is a serious matter that needs to be resolved in a mature manner before the wedding - cuz you know Mommy is around for the rest of her life, and she is important to him - and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure you are equally or more important to him, but he just needs to see that you're not trying to tear them apart, you're just trying to get him to GROW UP - for which it is long past due time!

HERE;S SOME ADVICE!!!
One of my good friends married a guy who had the SAME relationship with his mother and he defended it in the SAME way. Well 10 months after they got married, they got a divorce all because of this!!
Work this out now before you get married because it will not get any better if you dont!!!

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Posted by LisaJill

His mom and I are not too close. We have been together three and a half years and she still calls our home (we live together for over a year) and leaves messages 'Hi Bryan...'. Doesn't even acknowledge I am there!!! Just one example!!! And she just won't share him.... she does his laundry a lot still, whenever he goes to her house she makes bagged lunches for him the next day!!!!

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OMGoodness! Okay now I see, didn't see this before. Okay here is a tip, you have to cut the umbilalcord here. Teach him and make him do his landry before she does it, make him make his own sandwich. You have to tell him, that he needs to take care of himself. Trust me I have a similar problem with my Fh, his mom was a house wife. My FH didn't know how to operate a washer dryer.

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Posted by LisaJill

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

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Sounds like this episode is indicative of a MUCH larger issues that really bothers you (and I can really really see why). I think you guys need to talk about the bigger issue (his relationship with his mom and how it interferes with your relationship) because this will happen for the REST of your lives together unless something significantly changes.

sorry!

I am in a very similar situation, My FH is a HUGE mommas boy, but at least he admits it, and has really worked on it. His father passed away a few years ago, and he has only one brother, it's the three of them against the world. I found talking to him about it and expressing my feelings in a kind way has really resolved the matter.

GooD Luck!

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Posted by LisaJill

Did i tell you that until we had the biggest fight three months ago.... he and his mom SHARED A BANK ACCOUNT. Oh, and she had his check book and received all his bills (although we lived together... he still had all his bills sent to her house --- he is 31)--- and she would open the bills and pay off his expenses!!!!!! A little too close! And if i try to get him to step away... he tells me that I am trying to tear him away from his family. I am definitely not only marrying him but marrying them!!!!!

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Me to, We got a joint account together now that we are engaged so now I pay the bills but he still never got rid of his bank account that he has w/his mom. There is no money in the account w/ his mom so now we have like all these fees to pay and we are trying to save for a wedding.

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Posted by littlebookworm4

i'd have to agree with you on that one! i'd be a bit peeved myself espeically when you thought that you were going to have a night out with just him

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and if she's always around now, she probably always will be