am i wrong for being upset???

i have a bm that lives 6-7 hrs away. she came to my e-party.
she didnt come when the girls ordered the dresses, she did it all by phone which i told her to do to save her a trip if she wasnt able to. we also did a lunch after that.
now shes telling me she cant come to the shower or bach party bc of money.

Did you offer to pay?

I paid for FSIL to come up this weekend for my lunch & bparty weekend. She lives 8+ hours away in NC.

If she refuses to come even if you pay, then you have a right to be upset. But if it's really just a money issue, you can't really be upset with her (unless you know she's making it up).

I also have a BM that is upstate and didnt come for anything.... she ordered her dress upstate (so Im going to have to live with the fact that her dress might even be a different shade), she wont be able to make it to my shower or my bach party.

When I first asked her to be a BM, I knew that it would be impossible for her to be at everything living so far away.... and I totally understand that shes not going to be there because its far away and she'd have to drive alone and its not that she doesnt want to be there.

I know its upsetting, but dont let it get between you two.... shes obviously a good friend of yours which is why shes in your bridal party in the first place. Just know that she wants to be there, she just cant afford it... she'll be at your wedding and thats the most important part

I had 2 bridesmaids who could not make my shower- 1 could not get the day off (nurse) and the other lives in Atlanta.

Don't be upset, you have a big bridal party right? You're going to have a blast and wont even notice....you can share all the pictures with her afterwards.

im kinda in the same position as you are! 2 of my BM's are out of state, one in florida, and one in mass! (mass is not that far) they both did not come to the e-party, but did come to the shower! both of them are not coming to the bachelorette party! which i can totally understand for the one thats in florida, but the one thats in mass its not that long of a drive! it just ***** because i would totally make the trips for both of them!

i feel your pain! its almost like you shouldnt get mad, because there is alot going on and this and that with the wedding, lots of money being spent...but for me it just makes me a little upset because i would totally do it for them

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

My oponion is your not wrong for being upset, but Im sure its hard for to. One of my bridesmaids lives in florida, and she is only coming for the wedding to. Im upset about it and disappointed b/c shes one of my best friends. But I know its not her fault shes tried getting off work and her job is giving her a hard time. Just try to understand her side a bit

HTH

I totally and understand and would be too!

I just had this very discussion with FH last night.

My best friend lives in France and can only come to wedding. needless to say she is no longer a BM b/c she got into grad school and couldnt commit to ordering the dress or anything - whatever. When I sent her shower picks she commented on how she knew about the shower 'forever' but didnt contribute to the group gift or even send A CARD!

People are going to constantly disappoint you is what I learned - dont let it drag you down. its such a happy time.

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

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she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

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she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

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hmmm so its really not that bad.... just the cost of the train ticket. Is there any way she could just do one of the things? Which one is more important to you?

I think you had to know that when you asked her that she might not be able to make all the events.I had a BM that lives in Boston. I love her dearly and would never be upset if she said she couldnt make it. As long as she was at my wedding thats all I cared about. I even told her to come to what you can and be here for the wedding.

Im sure she is doing what she can. If you really want her at these events then you have to offer to pay for travel.

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

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she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

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hmmm so its really not that bad.... just the cost of the train ticket. Is there any way she could just do one of the things? Which one is more important to you?

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she originally said that she would do both, but if it not, then def one. i left it up to her to pick though

Trains are expensive... It cost me $60 round trip for an HOUR ride into the city from Beacon..... so I can imagine from Syracuse it's very pricey. BTW I'm 30 minutes south of Syracuse, and yes traveling is a pain. I don't blame you for being upset. My MOH lives in Rochester and couldn't make our eparty. It is upsetting but try to see her side, I'm sure she wants to be there!

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

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she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

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hmmm so its really not that bad.... just the cost of the train ticket. Is there any way she could just do one of the things? Which one is more important to you?

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she originally said that she would do both, but if it not, then def one. i left it up to her to pick though

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At the time she told you that Im sure she was planning on it. Things may have changed for her financially or she realized how much this all costs and she just doesnt have the money.

We cant tell you not to be upset cause Im sure it is a bummer that she cant come but is it worth being upset and maybe damaging the relationship? Think of it that way. She is being honest and telling you rather than just not showing or telling you the day before.

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Posted by alli3131

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

---

she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

---

hmmm so its really not that bad.... just the cost of the train ticket. Is there any way she could just do one of the things? Which one is more important to you?

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she originally said that she would do both, but if it not, then def one. i left it up to her to pick though

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At the time she told you that Im sure she was planning on it. Things may have changed for her financially or she realized how much this all costs and she just doesnt have the money.

We cant tell you not to be upset cause Im sure it is a bummer that she cant come but is it worth being upset and maybe damaging the relationship? Think of it that way. She is being honest and telling you rather than just not showing or telling you the day before.

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in response to the other post. i would pay for her to travel. she told me she doesnt have money for a gift or anything. its not just the travel. the only reason i found out shes not coming to both was bc we were talking online and i asked her bc my two moh's asked for a list for the bach party.

i would be a little upset...esp since u offered to pay for travel

she should come to at least one even if she cant have a git for u that day..she should just be there

I was asked to be a Maid of Honor in title only for a REALLY good friends wedding.

She had her party in New Hampshire and it was thrown by her mom. I could not go.

She realized when she asked me to be her MOH that I would not be able to do any traditional stuff. But I wasnt a 'typical' MOH...no 'duties' or anything to do. Just make sure she had everything she needed the day before and day of.

So She is a BM for me and I DONT expect her to do anything. She will if she can, if she cant so be it.

So I can only say in my position I would not be upset. But I am NOT you.