am i wrong for being upset???

I'd be upset...maybe you can help her out with the cost of the ticket, offer to pay half or whatever. I'd stress that its important to you that she is part of the festivities leading into the wedding...

If she can't swing it, she can't swing it, I mean you can't be MAD about it but I can totally understand your disappointment.

It can be upsetting and disappointing but the important part is that she is with you on the big day.

I have 3 bridesmaids ( 1 upstate, 1 texas, 1 south carolina ) that have not attended any functions (dress shopping, shower, or bachelorette party) but they will be at the rehearsal and wedding.
They have called frequently to see how things are going with the planning and if they could do anything.

I am just thrilled they will be at the wedding.....

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Posted by ttdiff11

i have a bm that lives 6-7 hrs away. she came to my e-party.
she didnt come when the girls ordered the dresses, she did it all by phone which i told her to do to save her a trip if she wasnt able to. we also did a lunch after that.
now shes telling me she cant come to the shower or bach party bc of money.

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I was in a similar situation, I was a bm, my friend lived way in bumble f**k jersey, her b-party was away and her wedding was upstate. Basically, everything, involved loads of cash. I told her from day one that I was strapped for cash, hello like I said her wedding involved staying upstate Iforgot wherebut it was like 5 hours away so paying for hotel etc etc and it was 4th of July weekend so I had to get plane tickets. I went to the e-party and honestly we had a major spat and I didnt end up being in the party long story short. Thing is, I told her from the begining that I would make what I could but that she lived hella far and being a destination wedding that was going to be costly as well so when she got all hissy at the end she really was being wrong. If your b, made promises, thats her bad but at the same time she may of not realized all the stuff she would spend money on and need to participate in. I wouldnt get mad but honestly thats up to you. Isnt your big daythe most important part of all this???

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by alli3131

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by ttdiff11

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Yes, I would be a little upset. How far is she? Can she drive or does she have to fly here?

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she lives in syracuse, so when she comes she takes amtrak to penn and i pick her up at the hicksville train station

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hmmm so its really not that bad.... just the cost of the train ticket. Is there any way she could just do one of the things? Which one is more important to you?

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she originally said that she would do both, but if it not, then def one. i left it up to her to pick though

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At the time she told you that Im sure she was planning on it. Things may have changed for her financially or she realized how much this all costs and she just doesnt have the money.

We cant tell you not to be upset cause Im sure it is a bummer that she cant come but is it worth being upset and maybe damaging the relationship? Think of it that way. She is being honest and telling you rather than just not showing or telling you the day before.

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in response to the other post. i would pay for her to travel. she told me she doesnt have money for a gift or anything. its not just the travel. the only reason i found out shes not coming to both was bc we were talking online and i asked her bc my two moh's asked for a list for the bach party.

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oops! I just read this part of the post, well since you offered to pay for travel I guess then yes, you could be mad.

I think I'd be a little upset. When you agree to something like this you're agreeing to a number of different events - not just the wedding day. You know in advance that you'll be required to travel if you live far and that you're saying yes to being there for the bride throughout a number of different wedding-related activities. Sorry she won't be able to make it.

ETA: I'd definitely be upset if I offered to pay for travel. A gift doesn't matter; it's not necessary. It's just her presence that matters and if you offered to get her there then you have a right to be upset over it if she's not coming.