Am I Wrong??? (It's a bit long)

I'm apparently one of those strange Brides who does NOT like surprises and so I requested my MOH tell me when my shower will be. In the same conversation, I found out that my cousin (who is NOT in my wedding party as she dropped out with no reason) has pretty much taken over the planning, to the point where my MOH and BM (FSIL) have felt somewhat out of the loop. They hadn't said anything to my cousin but have tried to get involved only to be told things were being taken care of. My MOH told me she would really like to handle the planning but can't seem to get that message through to my cousin. Earlier, I had tried telling her to include my MOH in every decision but was told in a round about way to mind my own business. After the convo with my MOH, and since it's my shower, I spoke with my father (who is paying for everything) and, after making sure he had no issue with it, let my cousin know very nicely that my MOH and BM would like to be the primary planners of the shower but they would like her help. Her response to me was that she didn't believe I really wanted to know when my shower was because she had never heard of any bride who wanted to know, that I must be changing things because I didn't like what was planned so far, that according to her my MOH was relieved to have the planning responsibility off her shoulders and that now she'd done being involved and good luck as it's my shower. This is the same family member who has excluded my FMIL and BM (FSIL) from the planning and told my MOH it was because they were too busy planning FSIL's baby shower (not true because FSIL isn't HAVING a baby shower). FMIL has also had conversations with FH about how they would like to be involved but don't seem to be in the loop. Am I wrong to have said anything to my cousin? I don't understand why she is getting mad at me over something that has nothing to do with her. This whole shower idea has been difficult because it is something my Mom would have planned but she passed away 4 years ago. I'm on the verge of saying forget it, I don't even want one. What would you ladies do?

Theresa - someone else I know has a cousin very similar.

I'll tell you what I told her . . . you are NOT wrong. Your cousin made the decision to drop out of the BP. She cannot now take on the personality of Attila the Hun and expect you to be happy about it.
If your FILs and the rest of your BP want to plan the shower, your cousin should call them and either ask for their help, or assign them tasks (since she has everything 'under control'), and stop being shuch a biatch about the whole thing.

As for being a bride who hates surprises, my sister was a bride who hated surprises too. I told her exactly when her shower was planned for, because I knew she would hate walking into a room and being the center of attention without advance warning.

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Posted by October Bliss

Theresa - someone else I know has a cousin very similar.

I'll tell you what I told her . . . you are NOT wrong. Your cousin made the decision to drop out of the BP. She cannot now take on the personality of Attila the Hun and expect you to be happy about it.
If your FILs and the rest of your BP want to plan the shower, your cousin should call them and either ask for their help, or assign them tasks (since she has everything 'under control'), and stop being shuch a biatch about the whole thing.

As for being a bride who hates surprises, my sister was a bride who hated surprises too. I told her exactly when her shower was planned for, because I knew she would hate walking into a room and being the center of attention without advance warning.

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You're right, Darlene. I'm starting to think the two cousins must be related in some weird way! I wouldn't be so upset if she hadn't removed herself and her daughters from my BP without giving me a reason. As for why she feels she needs to take control of the planning, maybe it's her own way of still trying to be involved? The thing that bothers me the most is she's telling my MOH FMIL/FSIL don't want to be involved when I know for a FACT they have been trying to help. I just don't understand her behavior at all. Sometimes family sux!

I do not think that you are wrong at all!!!

Sorry she is doing this to you!

I am sorry you have to deal with this and you are definitly not in the wrong for doing what you did. In the end, I do hope it all works out.

btw...you aren't alone with nothing wanting be suprised. I don't like the idea either but I am not sure I will be able to convince my sister of that.

No you aren't wrong for speaking to your cousin....I hope it works out hon...

Quiana

If it was me I would just tell her to back off. She droppe dout of your party and it really shoudln't be her responsibility. You might have to be a little mean but oh well, maybe that way she'll get the hint!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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Posted by October Bliss

Theresa - someone else I know has a cousin very similar.

I'll tell you what I told her . . . you are NOT wrong. Your cousin made the decision to drop out of the BP. She cannot now take on the personality of Attila the Hun and expect you to be happy about it.
If your FILs and the rest of your BP want to plan the shower, your cousin should call them and either ask for their help, or assign them tasks (since she has everything 'under control'), and stop being shuch a biatch about the whole thing.

As for being a bride who hates surprises, my sister was a bride who hated surprises too. I told her exactly when her shower was planned for, because I knew she would hate walking into a room and being the center of attention without advance warning.

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I agree...if she dropped out why on earth does she think she is in charge of the shower??? crazy.

i hate surprises as well...i have planned my own bachelorette party for this reason (to an extent)! i'd rather have something great than be shocked....i also hate when something is a surprise and i know it's coming....then i sit and wonder what the surprise is....FH learned this the hard way when he was SUPER secretive about my xmas gift in '04 and i told him this past xmas that i had thought for sure he was proposing then, then at nweyear's and v-day....but he didn't...he actually apologized for 'ruining' those holidays...they weren't ruined, but since he was sooooooo secretive about the 'surprises' coming, i was mildly disappointed. (but in no way were the holidays ruined!!)