am i wrong? (long... but i've been crying all day about this)

i've been avoiding posting because it seems that, lately, i only post about the CRAP going on around my wedding. but, to be honest, i have no one to talk to about this. i really need some perspective.

on sunday, six days before our wedding, my fh's bil bailed on us for music. he plays bass in a band and they were going to play for our wedding.

bil has ASSUMED that the band would be having a table just like the guests... BUT DID NOT TELL ME OF HIS ASSUMPTION. he feels that these are his 'boy' and need to be treated as such.

mind you, i have voiced MANY times how i wanted a SMALL wedding and was having issues about the guest list.

during the summer, i mentioned to fh that i wanted the band to look professional. i wanted them to look polished. fh said ok.

while i was compiling the seating chart fh asks where would the BAND'S TABLE be????!!!! i was like, 'WHAT???!!!' they are WORKING! they are not guests. fh says ok. he keeps using the 'i'm just a guy' as an excuse for his stupidity.

on sunday, as we're looking at the venue, bil says that the space that is designated for the music 'is not good enough'. HE WANTED TO PUT THE BAND BETWEEN THE TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FH WAS GOING RIGHT ALONG WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i remind them both that there are ELDERLY people in the crowd. then they wanted to move the band to THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR.

i was ready to die. when i mention to fh, FOR THE 10TH TIME, to remind bil that the band is not to drink where guests can see them.... as in, they are not to go to the bar. i don't want my guests who have traveled ACROSS THE COUNTRY to have to wait in line at the bar BEHIND THE HIRED HELP. if they wanted to sneak a beer, i don't care. i'm not a natzi.

before i even finish the sentence, fh SCREAMS to bil, 'HEY JOSE, SHE DOESN'T WANT THE BAND TO DRINK DURING THE PARTY. OH, AND THEY CAN HAVE ALL THE LEFT OVER BEER AT THE END OF THE PARTY TO TAKE HOME WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!'

no one says another damn word to me. everyone goes their own way. later, that night, bil says he's not playing [PERIOD]. i wanted to die.

now, i'm being told talked about in the family. i'm the bad guy because i was so opressive to the 'poor band'. fh actually wants me to 'meet halfway' with bil to make things better. fh is telling me that he can not live with his family at odds with each other. and we wants me to APOLOGIZE for not making it clear what i was expecting from the band early on..... UM, I DID... TO YOU (fh)!!! ALL ALONG!!!! why am i the person who is responsible for this family's harmony????

i'm not the one who BAILED SIX DAYS BEFORE MY BIL'S WEDDING AND LEFT HIM HIGH AND DRY TO HAVE TO PAY OUT THE BUTT FOR A DJ AT THE LAST MINUTE!!!!

mind you, i've put up with a lot of SH!T from his family during the entire wedding planning.

do i need to 'meet half way' when i did nothing wrong??

if anyone is to blame it's bil and fh. they are the one's who do can't communicate with each other or with others.

i just want some validation that i was not the one who started this. and i was not the one who took it to this ridiculous level... because THE ENTIRE FAMILY IS INVOLVED NOW