An Observation from a New Mommy

I just wanted to share something I have been thinking about. I wonder if you ladies will agree.

I cannot get over how insecure motherhood has made me. I have never second guessed myself in so many directions in one day.

I have been a lead singer in a band.
I have auditioned in front of terrifying directors.
I have acted on stage in NYC theaters.
I have run a multi-million dollar a year company.
I have written copy for websites, brochures, and press releases for high profile clients.
I have negotiated mortgages, contracts and insurance policies.
I have overseen construction on two homes.
I have gone to college and graduate school.
I have done all this and more for 32 years.

And NEVER have I doubted myself as I do now. This little person has triggered a part of me that I didn't even know existed. A part that isn't sure, a part that is terrified. A part of me that is born from awe and wonder. I simply cannot understand the gravity of her and therefore I question every minute of it. How can it be that they even let me take her home?! How can it be that suddenly I don't know how to do anything?! Where do I go for the answers and how will I know if they are the right ones?! Where did this gut instinct come from? And why didn't I have it before?

As I sit here and ponder this however, I realize that I just answered the question that Snook had about the belly button. That Melissa had about the onesies. That Alvatorre had about the diet. That Nancy had about the night sweats. And I realize how much I am learning every day. That I am learning a language that sounded so foreign only months ago. This process is just so incredible. I truly feel that as much as I had accomplished before...well none of it could hold a candle to what I accomplish in one minute with my daughter.

It's neat. It's such a damn blessing.