An Observation from a New Mommy

I just wanted to share something I have been thinking about. I wonder if you ladies will agree.

I cannot get over how insecure motherhood has made me. I have never second guessed myself in so many directions in one day.

I have been a lead singer in a band.
I have auditioned in front of terrifying directors.
I have acted on stage in NYC theaters.
I have run a multi-million dollar a year company.
I have written copy for websites, brochures, and press releases for high profile clients.
I have negotiated mortgages, contracts and insurance policies.
I have overseen construction on two homes.
I have gone to college and graduate school.
I have done all this and more for 32 years.

And NEVER have I doubted myself as I do now. This little person has triggered a part of me that I didn't even know existed. A part that isn't sure, a part that is terrified. A part of me that is born from awe and wonder. I simply cannot understand the gravity of her and therefore I question every minute of it. How can it be that they even let me take her home?! How can it be that suddenly I don't know how to do anything?! Where do I go for the answers and how will I know if they are the right ones?! Where did this gut instinct come from? And why didn't I have it before?

As I sit here and ponder this however, I realize that I just answered the question that Snook had about the belly button. That Melissa had about the onesies. That Alvatorre had about the diet. That Nancy had about the night sweats. And I realize how much I am learning every day. That I am learning a language that sounded so foreign only months ago. This process is just so incredible. I truly feel that as much as I had accomplished before...well none of it could hold a candle to what I accomplish in one minute with my daughter.

It's neat. It's such a damn blessing.

And thank U for answering my question...I thought to myself she sounds like my Doc...Cause my doc said...EAT WHAT MAKES U FEEL NOT SICK' lol!!! Im pretty sure all the New Preggos Learn alot fom U and are thankful for your knowlegde!!!

I enjoyed reading this Thanks for sharing. It sounds exactly like things I have heard other mothers, old and new say. They all share this consensus, it will come. Or you will learn That gives me hope, b/c sometimes thinking of the enormity of the job, I wonder if I will be able to do it.

how sweet! I cannot wait to experience all of what you described

Jenny All I have to say is

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Your writing. That sounded like a page out of a GREAT BOOK. Write those exact words in a journal to show Sophia in 15years !

REading it was moving and soooo touching, especially to those of us that can relate so well.

Im going to read it again...



BIG BIG BIG HUGS to ya!


ETA: YOU GO GIRL with all those accomplishments! *round of applause*
Lead Singer? HOw cool ! OUR VERY OWN American MOMMY IDoL

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Posted by jenny11.9

It's neat. It's such a damn blessing.

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That it is. Thanks for saying it so eloquently.

Jenny - to you. Thank you for putting so eloquently what I think about all the time...it is amazing how someone so small can shake your foundation to its core and yet bring you the greatest happiness you have ever known!

what a great post

Jenny, you found a very eloquent way of saying something that each one of us has lived through. Thanks for giving these emotions, these feelings, these experiences 'legs' to stand on and letting them come alive as an example for the Mommies to Be and those TTC...

I was also really touched by the profound truth of these words:

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Posted by Lee

...it is amazing how someone so small can shake your foundation to its core and yet bring you the greatest happiness you have ever known!

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SO TRUE!

See, this is what I mean. It should be published in a magazine!

Wow, I didn't realize that you had done all that stuff and what accomplishments you have had...I think it's great that you realize that motherhood is a precious experience and at the same time, a huge learning experience!

I am so glad this struck a chord for the mommies. I just wanted to share those feelings, mostly because I realize now what people meant when they said - 'you'll see when you have a child'. And I was always like - 'no no, I know everything....'

I didn't. At all. And I am so honored to be a Mother. It's like being a member of a secret elite group! Like getting into a super exclusive country club!

Now what I didnt' mention is that I was a lead singer in a HIGH SCHOOL/ COLLEGE BAND. Called the Limit. Which was maybe the queerest thing in the world - so don't get your panties in a hitch. I am FAR from the next American Idol! The next 'bad Eightie's moment' maybe....but not American Idol!

What a great post you started Jenny...
I am inspired to crack open my journal and get writing... Its amazing how words flow when we are experiencing such powerful emotions....

Lee, your words also stopped me in my tracks, SOOO true and so well written...

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Posted by Lee

...it is amazing how someone so small can shake your foundation to its core and yet bring you the greatest happiness you have ever known!

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well I second Journal writing Anna! I dont' write in one anymore...well not for me. I am keeping a journal for Sophie. Which one day she's going to be like 'oh GOD now I have to read this WHOLE THING!!!' It's gonna be like an anthology!

I am also writing her a card once a month. And I am going to seal those (after her dad writes a note in there as well) and give them to her when she has her first baby. Or maybe she'll be a NASA researcher and I'll give them to her when she accepts her first Nobel Prize!

I do find that the experience is somewhat fleeting and writing it might be important.

Once a month
Im just thinking of all the clutter in years to come
I wanted to write him a letter once a year, I still have to get to that

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How can it be that they even let me take her home?!

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I've wondered this myself! Thanks for sharing your wonderful words.

I just wanted to chime in and say that I love reading your posts Jenny (as well as Anna's and JennRenee's)...you guys all make me want a child even more than I do now!

Wonderfully written Jenny!
I too feel sooo insecure when it comes to Julianne...and what turns my life has now taken. Its wierd...scary and neat at the same time. ...altho I am trying to work on my confidence.

I too negoitate multi million $$ deals with radio , tv, cable networks all day...and then go home and wonder why I can't get J to eat a little more for dinner!...or why I cant get her to stop throwing food on the floor!