'and guest' or not

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:13 AM

'and guest' or not

Hi Guys.

I have to preface this by saying I usually try to be as PC as possible, and I am really not a mean person.

My question to you all is are you giving all of your guests the 'and guest option'? My FI and I have quite a few single friends who have been single for as long as we have been dating (several years). Whenever we throw parties or gettogethers these people usually come unattached. Are we obligated to give them the option of bringing someone?

Please, I would like your honest opinions. If you think I am being crass tell me. What is the criteria for this?

We are on a budget and we are having 130 ppl max, so we want to invite as many that are near and dear to us as possible.

JENHOS Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:17 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

You are not obligated but some people get mad when they are not given the option. I would say 90% of the people we invited with a guest are coming solo. (which I was suprised at and is why our headcount was so low)

If you are worried about numbers than only invite friends who are dating someone (who's name you at least know) and of courdse engaged couples.

OctBride03 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:18 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

Hi, this is a tricky question... Honestly, I am inviting everyone who is 18 or over with a guest... But that is just me... If you have a certain budget and it doesn't allow for that, then no, not everyone needs to be invited with a guest. A friend of mine a few years ago, invited ONLY those with long term b/f or g/f with a guest and ONLY those in the Bridal Party were invited with a guest. Like I said if it's not within your budget, your friends should understand. I hope I helped a little

dcbride Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:22 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

I personally am inviting everyonee over 18 with a guest. I know that when I was in college someone was in a similar situation as you and she asked our friends if it was alright to invite them solo so that they could invite more firends. Everyone was ok with that.

Scoop Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:25 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

Proper etiquette says you should (guests over 18). Due to cost & guest limitations at the hall, I only invited those in committed relationships, engaged or married (of course) with guests. I think most people understand.

MSCJLK Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:34 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

we actually invited ALL of our friends with guests and NO one came with one...unless they were really serious,,,,

yabbobay Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:37 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

We invited everyone with a guest (except 2 widows...and we know they are not dating anyone)

but like MSCJLK...not many came with a guest...only one person brought just 'anyone'

we had somehting like 30 'and guests' that did not show!!

but if the person has not been seeing someone for lets say 6 months by the time the invitations go out...you don't have to do 'and guest'

curly2003 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:38 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

We will use 'and guest'.

SomedayBride Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:49 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

We're going to invite 'and guest' but we know most of our friends will come sans date. It depends, are you inviting a large group of friends, who aren't really dating anyone, who all know eachother. I've found that usually, (in my group of friends at least), if your guests all know eachother, they're more likely to come alone. Usually, they'll bring a date if a) they're in a serious relationship or b) they won't know many other guests. I'd say, if you can afford it, great, invite a guest, if not, not many people will care. (at least my friends wouldn't, but I don't know your friends) However, don't base your minimum on the assumption that all of your guests will bring a date, that can lead to trouble!

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 22, 2002 11:58 AM

Re: 'and guest' or not

Thanks for your advice.

My Fi and and I have been together for several years and our friends know each other. At our wedding there will not be too many introductions that will need to be made.

This is a very tricky subject.

michele31 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 12:01 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

You are not required to invite anyone with a guest, unless they are married, living together or engaged. BUT whatever rule you apply should be applied to all of your invites. If you invite some of your co-workers with guests, then your friends should also be invited with guests. If everyone knows one another and is friends then maybe they will not bring a date anyway.
I invited all of my single guests with dates. Some are bringing a date, others are not. It is really up to you but just have the 'rule' apply to everyone.

applesfla Posted: Oct 22, 2002 12:02 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

We had limited spacing in our room and in order to invite everyone we wanted to we had to leave off 'and guest' for those people we knew were not in commited relationships (with the exception of one of my friends who came from FL and didn't really know anyone else). But be ware, we had some who just sent back their response with a guest even if they weren't invited with one. I had to call one of my friends and ask her not to bring her roommate! It was kind of an awkward phone call to make but I couldn't believe she just assumed it was ok. But for the most part people understood.

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 22, 2002 12:22 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

Again, thanks for your posts.

Here is my solution, I will give my guests the option, and when I get back my responses if there are alot of no's (please pray there are) I will then send out the b list of invites.

Is this good?

SomedayBride Posted: Oct 22, 2002 12:33 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

That's what I would do.

karen32 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 12:55 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

The B-list idea is good - just make sure you watch your dates. I would send your regular invites out a little extra early to accomodate the B-list. If you wait too long - people will get their invites and the RSVP date will be quick - they'll know they're on the B-list.

oneday Posted: Oct 22, 2002 01:21 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

I had read in Miss Manners that you are not obligated to invite anyone with guest - unless obviously they are married or living with someone. My plan had been to not invite those who I knew to be unattached 'with guest'. Personally, if I was single and got invited by myself, I wouldn't be too upset. Of course if I wouldn't know anyone else there, I might just decline, but if there were other friends or family there, I think I'd be fine with it. That being said, I think we have now decided to change our minds for the simple fact that we don't have many single people being invited I figured it really won't be that big of a deal to have a handfull of extras. I am a little worried about the amount of space we have, so that is one of the reasons I didn't feel we should invite 'and guest' but hopefully these people will know enough people there that they won't feel a need to bring someone.

abc7077 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 02:01 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

We invited my and my fh's friends with guests and those who are not in relationships are not coming with a date so far. We are still getting in responses.

Some of the older people who are my parents' friends and acquaintances were not invited with guests but then wrote back that they were bringing a guest. We still have not figured out how we are going to deal with that.

It is really up to you. If you are on a really tight budget it is ok not to invite with a guest

michele31 Posted: Oct 22, 2002 02:15 PM

Re: 'and guest' or not

Be VERY careful with B list guests! people know when they are on a B-list. I would just call my good friends and ask them if they planned on bringing a guest, explain why.
I am not a fan of an A and B list because it is an insult to know that you are only being invited because someone else said No first. You can also mess up your dates really easy. You cannot give someone 2 days to RSVP.