And the nightmare continues...

Twenty-two days after my father passed away, his sister, my beloved aunt, joined him and the rest of her family. And the fog that I've been in, has now become much thicker and I'm having a very hard time finding my way out.

This was a complete shock to all of us because my aunt was a person who lived life to the fullest. She would be 88 on March 12, the day after my birthday, but the woman looked like she was about 65. She still wore heels and makeup and WORKED as a meat wrapper in the butcher dept. of Scaturro's (a local supermarket in Astoria). And now I have to celebrate my b'day alone for the first time in my life. Not only won't my father be there, but neither will my aunt, who always shared a cake with me.

I took off on Thursday because we finally bought a new car and I had stuff to do and I also had to renew my license. The day started off happy and ended in a big blur. I had just dropped my mother off when she called me to say that the paramedics were at my aunt's and she was going over there. I didn't want her to go alone since we just went through the whole thing w/my father, so I decided to meet her at the hospital of friggin doom and death, Astoria General (now Mt. Sinai of Queens). I was praying the whole way to God and my father that everything was ok, but of course, nobody heard me.

And it was deja vu all over again. I get there and the security guard and nurses wouldn't let me in until the dr came to take me to a room where my mother was crying on the phone that my aunt passed away.

They say lightening never strikes twice, well it did for my family. February was the shortest month on the year, but it was the longest month of my life, not to mention the worst. Not only did my father and aunt pass away, but it's also the anniversary of their parents.

I left that hospital shell-shocked because I couldn't believe that God did this to me again. My poor mother, had to go through this all over again. She was just starting to get used to the fact that my father wasn't coming home and now she got hit with this. They were very close. I was extremely close to my aunt and another piece of my heart is forever gone.

I feel like I have nothing inside anymore. I was (and still am) a mess this whole weekend through the wake. My cousin was joking to my mother and said 'it's a good thing Debbie's job gave her the number of a grief counsellor' because they all think I'm on the verge. And I think I am also. Plus I'm just like my aunt and I'm the 'emotional' one. They lost their mother and grandmother, but they were all comforting me.

What are the chances that one family can be back in the same funeral parlor 3 weeks later? Or the same hospital for that matter?

I still haven't accepted the fact that my father is never coming home and now I have to deal with my aunt also. How is it possible that the 2 biggest influences of my life have left me with 3 weeks time of each other forever????? Why did they leave me???? Yet again, Gianna is never going to know another great person in her life.

I know that my aunt has been very depressed since her baby brother died. Her last words at the wake and cemetary to him were 'Dominic you left me all alone' and I told her she wasn't, she had me. But she didn't listen. My mother yelled at my father that he had to take his sister, so now leave us alone and pray for us. I hope he's listening because I really can't take anymore of this.

My aunt was in good health, but very heartbroken. My mother thinks she died of a broken heart. One of her co-workers came over for coffee for the first time and my aunt stood up and said 'I don't feel well' and collapsed on the floor, never to be woken up again. That poor woman who was there. I thank God she wasn't alone though and that she didn't suffer, but still it doesn't help any.

I feel like I am a walking zombie. Yesterday I went over to my aunt's and my cousin's were there cleaning out the apt and I had a hard time and I had to tell them to stop. I haven't let my mother do this yet, but they have to do this because the landlord wants it cleaned out.

Yet again, what should be a happy time for me is the worst time of my life.

Thanks for listening to me again and for all your support, I greatly appreciate it.