and wait, there's more (more nwr)
from tfln and fml
(603):
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live'. That drunk.
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(631):
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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(540):
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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(786):
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said 'tell me your secrets.'
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(937):
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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(301):
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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(519):
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you 'wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up'. \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing 'he says I look pretty without makeup' or 'he promises we'll get married one day', I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter 'sounds like a squirrel having a seizure.' FML
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Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML
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Today, I came home to find my AC on the fritz in 110 degree heat. I stripped naked and laid on my bed to cool off. My boyfriend left, shutting the bedroom door to give me some peace and quiet. Too bad he completely forgot about my state of undress and walked back in. With his friends. FML
(603):
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live'. That drunk.
-
(631):
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
-
(540):
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
-
(786):
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said 'tell me your secrets.'
-
(937):
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
-
(301):
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
-
(519):
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you 'wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up'. \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing 'he says I look pretty without makeup' or 'he promises we'll get married one day', I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter 'sounds like a squirrel having a seizure.' FML
-
Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML
-
Today, I came home to find my AC on the fritz in 110 degree heat. I stripped naked and laid on my bed to cool off. My boyfriend left, shutting the bedroom door to give me some peace and quiet. Too bad he completely forgot about my state of undress and walked back in. With his friends. FML
