And you thought your job was bad...
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad
day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
so
bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few
technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of
the
sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece
of equipment ****s the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which
is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've
used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with
warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt 20 started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but
the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot
water
machine had ****ed up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since
I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However,
the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought
was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my
butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the
dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my
chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. As
I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down
his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as
soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to
yourself,
'I love my job, I love my job,I love my job '.
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Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad
day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
so
bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few
technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of
the
sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece
of equipment ****s the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which
is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've
used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with
warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt 20 started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but
the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot
water
machine had ****ed up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since
I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However,
the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought
was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my
butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the
dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my
chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. As
I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down
his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as
soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to
yourself,
'I love my job, I love my job,I love my job '.
