OK so FH parents havent offered us any help so far with the wedding and we arent expecting it cause as most of you know FH and I are 12 years apart and his parents are old so they are on a fixed income. Well our E-party is saturday and they havent offered a dime, me and my parents are paying for all of it ( FH paid for the kegs he just started a new job and doesnt have too much $$ comming in right now cause its part time)
So anyways......i know they are on a fixed income and cant help much but his mom was asking about our registry and stuff. SO steve said ' get whatever u want' I look at our registry last night and someone bought out knife block set! I was excited then realized it was $200!!! I think his parents bought it. I am happy they thought to get an expensive gift but i would have rathered get the $$ for the E-party or to put towards a vendor! Am i being a biotch for feeling annoyed that they bought a gift instead of giving $$??? sorry so long!! lol I havent had to vent in a while lmao!
Jackie012100
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
I'm sorry to hear about your future in-laws. It is nice that they got you the knife set but they probably should have spoken with you and been a little more involved with the e-party. They should have made an attempt. But since you said that they are older maybe they have an older set mind. ???????
Cynny429
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Mizzdimple
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Maybe they thought $200 would look like a petty contribution if they would give it to you towards the party.??????????????
SeaMaiden
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Posted by Mizzdimple
Maybe they thought $200 would look like a petty contribution if they would give it to you towards the party.??????????????
i agree, also consider with older people that they are not accumstomed to giving money because they feel it is impersonal. i know my grandmother dosent like to give money and usually buys gifts.
I see why you are upset though but i dont think they meant it to be hurtful.
angl2001
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
but see the funny thing is when her brthday comes around all she says for weeks is ....i hope i get some money and not gifts , i really hope i get $$ and not gifts so i was hoping for $$ too lol!! hopefully once the wedding get closer they will help out a little more
jsta76
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
My FIL's aren't helping us either, its mostly my parents and we're helping out where we can as well.
We didn't have an e-party, I think they're completely unnecessary.
The other day FMIL says 'oh I wanted to get you guys something from the registry, what are YOUR parents doing? Have they gotten you a gift?' I almost wanted to laugh/scream. They don't need to buy me a gift, they're paying for the wedding, I think thats gift enough, I'd rather YOU help than buy a gift.
Needless to say, I kept my big mouth shut.
angl2001
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
my dad already told us since they are helping with the wedding there wont be a wedding gift. That is fine with me!! If she asks us that i am telling them exactly that!
Super2star
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
ahaha...not at all! I would rather the cash too...someone bought something off my registry and it was only $20...I feel like a biotch b/c I was like there better be a gf with that present! lol....I am so mean...but this e-party is costing alot more than $20 a person!!!!!
MrsQ-in2007
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Honestly, I think it was really nice of them to buy you a $200 gift when they are on fixed income (it's very hard to get by on fixed income!!!). Honestly, they may have felt that $200 towards your e-party would have been silly/not enough, so they may have preferred to buy you a nicer gift. I think you should be grateful and try not to be upset - you are entitled to feel how you feel, just want to point out another view.
My FH's parents are both retired, very limited income. They are not helping with the wedding at all, but I know that if they COULD, they WOULD. So that's good enough for me. I also think that his mom will probably buy a gift for the shower but I definitely wouldn't think that the money for the gift would have been better spent giving it to me directly for something for the wedding. If she wants to (and is able to) buy a gift, I would be so happy. That's just me though. I do understand where you're coming from, but JMO.
jsta76
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Good for you!!!!!
I feel bad for my parents, they'e doing so much because they love me. It's hard especially when they'd rather give us money to put a down payment on a house. They don't think a wedding is necessary. Frankly neither do I, I'm doing it for my FH, however if it were up to his parents it would be a big splashy event with more people than I know. I told FH if they were paying, it would be fine but we're keeping it small!
TheFutureMrsM
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
That really sucksss. My father is giving us a nice amount towards the wedding, and FH's parents are also giving us $$ towards the wedding.
The thing that annoys me is ever since we sent out our annoucement/save the date cards, the gifts from FH's side of the family have been pouring in, and I have not received ONE gift from my side. Nothing not even a congratulations card.
Its very upsetting seeing how generous FH's family is compared to mine.
MJDoc12
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
i think if they bought the knife set--you should just be happy and that's it.
please don't take this the wrong way--but its not up to you to decide where they should put their money. i know you really want it to go to an e-party, but that's not your decision. honestly, an e-party is something you do not HAVE to have....its a party for just ONE DAY. if they bought the knife set, that is something you will use for years. perhaps they were having something like that in mind. 'let's spend $200 on this gift that they will get so much usage out of , rather than paying for favors and decorations for a party that lasts a few hours'
just be grateful if they bought you the gift, and leave it at that. JMHO
FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Posted by MJDoc12
i think if they bought the knife set--you should just be happy and that's it.
please don't take this the wrong way--but its not up to you to decide where they should put their money. i know you really want it to go to an e-party, but that's not your decision. honestly, an e-party is something you do not HAVE to have....its a party for just ONE DAY. if they bought the knife set, that is something you will use for years. perhaps they were having something like that in mind. 'let's spend $200 on this gift that they will get so much usage out of , rather than paying for favors and decorations for a party that lasts a few hours'
just be grateful if they bought you the gift, and leave it at that. JMHO
I completely agree with you here... I am not having an e-party. Honestly think they are a ridiculous waste of $$ (especially when they are made to look like a mini-wedding) and to ask people to put out their hard-earned $ to get you an engagement gift on top of a shower and wedding gift is just wayyyyy tooo much
Be appreciative of the gifts you get. It could always be worse. They could have given you nothing towards the wedding!!!
dream426
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
I hope everything works out. I think if they don't have the money for the party then the next best thing for them is to get you a nice gift. I know it ***** though.
irishsweetheart
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Posted by MJDoc12
i think if they bought the knife set--you should just be happy and that's it.
please don't take this the wrong way--but its not up to you to decide where they should put their money. i know you really want it to go to an e-party, but that's not your decision. honestly, an e-party is something you do not HAVE to have....its a party for just ONE DAY. if they bought the knife set, that is something you will use for years. perhaps they were having something like that in mind. 'let's spend $200 on this gift that they will get so much usage out of , rather than paying for favors and decorations for a party that lasts a few hours'
just be grateful if they bought you the gift, and leave it at that. JMHO
I completely agree with you here... I am not having an e-party. Honestly think they are a ridiculous waste of $$ (especially when they are made to look like a mini-wedding) and to ask people to put out their hard-earned $ to get you an engagement gift on top of a shower and wedding gift is just wayyyyy tooo much
Be appreciative of the gifts you get. It could always be worse. They could have given you nothing towards the wedding!!!
AGREED AGREED AGREED
angl2001
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
dont get me wrong if you read my post again you will see i was excited to get it! Its just that they havent offered anything. We would tell them no thats ok but just the offer would have been nice. I AM GREATFUL for the gift. Just woth the position we are in right now and them knowing we are in a bind they would offer to help a little and save the gifts for the shower. We werent gonna have an E-party my dad said we should celebrate our engagment since we havent yet. I am not ungreatful by any means and if it came off like that i am sorry. Anyone who knows me from being on this site for so long knows i am NOT like that at all!!!! FH parents are werid 1 day they complain about $$ the next day they are buying buch of crapp they dont need at all!! They crave attention....i think they think we are opening the gifts at the party and everyone will see it and go wowwwwwwwwwww! but whateer me and my parents paid for the party ( mostly my parents) and its all set for saturday so whatever! :) I reallyt just wanted to see if anyone has felt how i did yesterday!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Posted by angl2001
dont get me wrong if you read my post again you will see i was excited to get it! Its just that they havent offered anything. We would tell them no thats ok but just the offer would have been nice. I AM GREATFUL for the gift. Just woth the position we are in right now and them knowing we are in a bind they would offer to help a little and save the gifts for the shower. We werent gonna have an E-party my dad said we should celebrate our engagment since we havent yet. I am not ungreatful by any means and if it came off like that i am sorry. Anyone who knows me from being on this site for so long knows i am NOT like that at all!!!! FH parents are werid 1 day they complain about $$ the next day they are buying buch of crapp they dont need at all!! They crave attention....i think they think we are opening the gifts at the party and everyone will see it and go wowwwwwwwwwww! but whateer me and my parents paid for the party ( mostly my parents) and its all set for saturday so whatever! :) I reallyt just wanted to see if anyone has felt how i did yesterday!
i DON't think you're like that and i am sure there is alot we don't know and we don't know his parents...I am not gonna judge the situation or judge you because I am sure there is alot more info we don't know about.
I think you just wanted them to at least offer to help, like maybe even help with setting it up or something, maybe DIY projects or whatever, not sure if im right.
As far as the e-party thing obviously i am not against it. As soon as we got engaged his whole family asked us when are we having a party so i guess they didn't mind, and my side too asked. Fh's family has had numerous weddings showers, christenings, graduations, anniversaries, birthday parties and the list goes on they had to attend, and Multiple parties for each family member. His family even said oh finally youre gonna have a party.
Whoever didn't want to come and spend money they didn't have to...but lets not forget i also spent money to invite everyone and do this, and willing to do it without having to profit from it.
Engagement parties, at least to me are about the joining of two people, their love for eachother and the commitment they are making to eachother. Its a celebration with their loved ones and the joining of two families. It also worked out great bc the families(our parents already had met several times) got to know eachother, my parents got to meet his grandmother, cousins, uncles, aunts and so on. Its great that they get to know eachother before the wedding. I don't know i look at things for the sentimental reasons not about the money.
sorry but everyone has had moments of being selfish, getting mad at things maybe even we know we shouldn't which in turn makes us feel guilty for even being mad. We're all human and can't always be perfect
irishsweetheart
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
listen, I completely know where you are coming from because FH's parents are very similar. They haven't offered to help at all (the only thing they are going to do is the rehersal dinner and that was only after we told them it was the groom's familly's responsibility - not entirely true, but in a lot of instances it is).
Me and FH are paying for practically the ENTIRE wedding on our own. The only thing that my parents are helping me out with is my attire for the day. They are buying my dress and stuff like that and I'm really grateful because I know they don't have much to work with so it's nice that they are offering at all and I appreciate it.
While my mother knows she can't do much to help, when she goes out she buys like little gadgets and things that she thinks I'll need when we move into an apartment and I appreciate that too. In comparison it seems like the only thing FH's parents offer is vacations. . .
and not the kind they are going to pay for, his father doesn't understand why we can't afford to go on cruises and a trip to Florida in January - 2 months before the wedding!
So believe me I know where you are coming from and yes it's frustrating but you just have to accept what is given to you and make the best of it!
GinaBambina08
Posted:
Member since
Re: annoyed and feeling greedy......kinda long
Maybe they felt better buying the most expensive gift on the registry instead of giving you $200 cash because they probably feel that $200 cash won't seem like much, especially since it's coming from them and usually parents of the groom give more money toward the wedding...they're probably self conscious about it
