My wedding was last month and I have to tell you that I am shocked by the number of people who did not give us a gift or even a card! I know times are tight for a lot of folks but really you can't even write me a nice card!?!
One in particular that is annoying me is my co-worker who I invited, called me and begged if she could please bring her boyfriend (who I had no clue even existed!)
Is there any proper way of approaching this or is it a lost cause?
I am truly shocked that so many didn't give that I am beginning to wonder if they just got lost? I have no idea...
crisy211
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Thats awful!!!! I've forgotten the card and check many times before but have been sure to get it out right away in the mail! They've had over a month to get them to you! Could you maybe approach it as 'some of our cards went missing, just wanted to make sure one wasn't yours...' Like check to see if they have to cancel a check, ect?
KDNY133
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It doesnt surprise...people just have no shame these days...
lauren1802
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etiquitte says you have a year after the wedding to give a gift, doesnt it?
TeemHenn
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It does...but here is what irks me is that my co-worker has not stopped talking about my wedding..literally! EVERYDAY She has nothing else to talk about except how much she loved my wedding.
IMO, That would be the opportune time to be like 'sorry that I didn't get you a gift, times are tight..'
chilly313
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We only had a few non-gifters but it really annoyed me too. Turns out one got us a boxed gift (an engraved silver box from Things Remembered) and the other was someone who had stiffed us before (on tix to a show that we paid for and they were supposed to pay us back but never did). I wanted to say something - like, 'I think we may have lost your card' but DH said to let it go. He did wind up talking to the husband (it was DH's friend) and I'm not sure what he said, but the guy wrote out a check right then (which still kind of irks me - it was like a business transaction, that they couldn't even bring a card to the wedding). I would have a hard time not saying something, but it's probably 'better' to be the bigger person and let it go.
KDNY133
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Posted by TeemHenn
It does...but here is what irks me is that my co-worker has not stopped talking about my wedding..literally! EVERYDAY She has nothing else to talk about except how much she loved my wedding.
IMO, That would be the opportune time to be like 'sorry that I didn't get you a gift, times are tight..'
Never heard of that etiquette...sounds absurd. I would just tell her that you think a bunch of cards got misplaced and you are letting your guests know that they need to cancel the checks. That would bother me to. I dont care if i had to scrap pennies...i would never show up giftless. I would rather decline and save the couple money.
Jax1127
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Posted by KDNY133
Posted by TeemHenn
It does...but here is what irks me is that my co-worker has not stopped talking about my wedding..literally! EVERYDAY She has nothing else to talk about except how much she loved my wedding.
IMO, That would be the opportune time to be like 'sorry that I didn't get you a gift, times are tight..'
Never heard of that etiquette...sounds absurd. I would just tell her that you think a bunch of cards got misplaced and you are letting your guests know that they need to cancel the checks. That would bother me to. I dont care if i had to scrap pennies...i would never show up giftless. I would rather decline and save the couple money.
I think if you decline or can't make it to a wedding, it's still proper etiquette to send a gift (money) anyway.
KDNY133
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Posted by Jax1127
Posted by KDNY133
Posted by TeemHenn
It does...but here is what irks me is that my co-worker has not stopped talking about my wedding..literally! EVERYDAY She has nothing else to talk about except how much she loved my wedding.
IMO, That would be the opportune time to be like 'sorry that I didn't get you a gift, times are tight..'
Never heard of that etiquette...sounds absurd. I would just tell her that you think a bunch of cards got misplaced and you are letting your guests know that they need to cancel the checks. That would bother me to. I dont care if i had to scrap pennies...i would never show up giftless. I would rather decline and save the couple money.
I think if you decline or can't make it to a wedding, it's still proper etiquette to send a gift (money) anyway.
As i do if i cant make it....but the more stories i hear the more i believe there is so No etiquette anymore
Ker1398
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It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
KDNY133
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Posted by Ker1398
It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
IMO i had a similiar situation...she is referring to more than one person...i did approach guests and asked if they gave cards that same night...a few i was iffy about so i asked the ones i was comfortable with and sure enough we went back to the restaurant and there they were...we left a bag behind...i didnt realize the wedding was a month ago...its pretty clear at this point she didnt give a gift
Lilnessa
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I would definitely try to say something - id tell her that you think that her card got lost or something and to make sure that if she wrote you a check that it wasnt cashed..
I think its one thing to not have money - but to not even give you a card was rude of her, but it makes it that much worse that she begged you to bring her boyfriend!
Jax1127
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Is it possible the card just got lost or left behind? Sometimes people do have a cardbox set up but guests just leave the envelopes on the table. Is it possible the envelope dropped off the table and landed on the floor under the table or something?
I don't think you should mention it to her. She very well may have not given you a gift but you don't want to act accusatory either.
rdhbride
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Posted by Ker1398
It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
This exactly!
jangelz9
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Posted by rdhbride
Posted by Ker1398
It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
This exactly!
I agree it sucks when people don't do the right thing. Im not getting married til next year but I'm planning the wedding I WANT and I don't expect that people should carry the burden of the cost of my dream...that being said I NEVER go to a wedding without a gift even if its my last dime because I do not wanna have to deal with being confronted by any bride lol
TeemHenn
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Posted by Ker1398
It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
Oh I am very happy...I had the most amazing day. I have the most amazing Husband. I feel bad if my post came off as a greedy bride. That's not who I am at all. If you read my post, it did say that I was shocked to not even get a card and that I fully understand that times are tough for people.
I made sure that on our Wedding day that we surrounded ourselves with people we love and that we wanted to be there. By no means did we EXPECT a gift. Some kind words in a card would have been sufficient. I think that is the very least we could have gotten.
fdnybride163
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i went to a wedding last year, and FH thought I got a card and i thought he got a card... well it turned out neither of us got a card!
I didnt even know anything was wrong until a friend had asked me if i gave them a gift (the bride had asked her to ask me bc she didnt want it to be awkward!), i asked FH if he did and he said no i thougth you did!
soooo embarrassing I ended up giving a little more to make up for it
crisy211
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Posted by fdnybride163
i went to a wedding last year, and FH thought I got a card and i thought he got a card... well it turned out neither of us got a card!
I didnt even know anything was wrong until a friend had asked me if i gave them a gift (the bride had asked her to ask me bc she didnt want it to be awkward!), i asked FH if he did and he said no i thougth you did!
soooo embarrassing I ended up giving a little more to make up for it
sounds like something FH and I would do!!!
futurearias
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That really is so wrong, especially since there was not even a card or a explanation.. & the fact she begged to bring someone else is just not right. Well obviously don't send them a thank you card, or you could hint at the fact you recieved nothing by usin one
gicrespo
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Posted by TeemHenn
Posted by Ker1398
It definetly sucks and I'm sorry you didn't get as many gifts or money as you hoped for, but I would just let it go. You are one month out from your wedding and you should be loving life, not dwelling on a few hundred dollars IMO. I say try to move on- maybe this co-worker didn't have the money for a gift and feel awkward about it...
i just think you should put it all behind you. i agree it is bad etiquette to not bring a gift, but i think its even worse etiquette to mention it or pull some sort of stunt to point out to people that they didn't give anything.
Oh I am very happy...I had the most amazing day. I have the most amazing Husband. I feel bad if my post came off as a greedy bride. That's not who I am at all. If you read my post, it did say that I was shocked to not even get a card and that I fully understand that times are tough for people.
I made sure that on our Wedding day that we surrounded ourselves with people we love and that we wanted to be there. By no means did we EXPECT a gift. Some kind words in a card would have been sufficient. I think that is the very least we could have gotten.
I dont think that you came out sounding greedy at all! i completely understand with what you're saying. you didnt expect a gift or money but at least a sentimental card. i'm glad ur wedding was beautiful and it's ok to vent bc that would be something that would bother me too!
