Another stupid comment made by a family member (LONG VENT)

aww I'm so sorry .. I don't know where some family get off saying things like this. There not worth being there if they only care about the SO, its not like your trying to be malicious you just can't financially do it, I don't understand the problem

but here are some hugs for you, since you sound like you need them

You are such a bridezilla! I can't believe you actually have the audacity to think about inviting FRIENDS of yours instead of SOs who you have never met. The nerve!!!!










I'm kidding.

It's a tough situation. If your cousins are in long serious relationships I can see why they would be upset. Wouldn't you want to be invited with FH if the tables were turned? However, it looks like it's your aunt who is upset here. Your cousins might not even mind. It's not like they won't know other people at the wedding....

Especially if it's not a serious relationship I think it's fine (albeit not preferable) to invite them without guests. If it comes down to inviting close friends or people you don't know, you should invite the people you care about. We are only inviting people 'with guest' if they are in a serious relationship, and ideally if we have met their SO (although with some of our friends scattered across the country that might not always be feasible). Good luck with everything



Edit: If you are close with your cousins and would ideally like to invite them with guests but just can't afford it, be honest with them. They are people who *should* care about you and understand. If you want, you can tell them that they might be able to bring their SOs if lots of people are unable to come, and then use your discretion at that point to decide if you can afford to invite them or if you'd prefer to spend the $$ elsewhere. If your cousins are rude/obnoxious about it then I wouldn't even consider inviting their SOs and if they don't come because of that they will just look bad.

Your not throwing a party for them... It's your wedding! Stick to your guns and don't invite the SO's... If they don't come - their loss!!!

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Posted by bluegreen08

You are such a bridezilla! I can't believe you actually have the audacity to think about inviting FRIENDS of yours instead of SOs who you have never met. The nerve!!!!










I'm kidding.

It's a tough situation. If your cousins are in long serious relationships I can see why they would be upset. Wouldn't you want to be invited with FH if the tables were turned? However, it looks like it's your aunt who is upset here. Your cousins might not even mind. It's not like they won't know other people at the wedding....

Especially if it's not a serious relationship I think it's fine (albeit not preferable) to invite them without guests. If it comes down to inviting close friends or people you don't know, you should invite the people you care about. We are only inviting people 'with guest' if they are in a serious relationship, and ideally if we have met their SO (although with some of our friends scattered across the country that might not always be feasible). Good luck with everything

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LOL! I bet my family thinks IM being a bridezilla.
I know it ***** and my two cousins who shes talking about have been with their SO's a year but I have 75 members on my side of the family. If I added SO's to that, it would easily become almost double that. These cousins also still live at home. They dont live with their SO's. If they did, then of course theyd be invited. If someone invited me to a wedding right now without FH, Id be furious because we live together and have been together over 6 years. And youre right, my cousins might not give two shits about bringing their SO's and it could all be my aunt but I wish she could just understand. And the comment she made about my FH was so insensitive. I just wish I would have said something to her.

Hearing something like that is so frustrating. I totally feel your pain. I am being asked to invited people I've never met in my life.
The best way that my FH and I dealt with it, was that those who don't understand just why we cannot invite certain guests and demand that we do, we let them know the cost per person, and ask them if they could front the money for that person to attend. You'd be so surprised how having them not attending isn't so important anymore.

Some people just have NO consideration whatsoever. At times I feel as if it's everyone elses wedding and not mine or my FH.

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Posted by chrispar

Wow if your cousins don't come because you can't affrd to invite their SO that is really F'ed up. I am assuming the relationshipscan be too serious if you dont know them. Are these first cousins? Don't even let them get to you. It's your wedding and you caan do whatever you want. It's one thing to choose not to invite someone just because and another if you cant afford it.

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Exactly. I wanted to cry. I blew up to my mom and my sister and they tell me to ignore her but the way she said 'Well they probably wont come then' Like, WHAT?? What kind of ish is that. Im so fricken upset.

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by bluegreen08

You are such a bridezilla! I can't believe you actually have the audacity to think about inviting FRIENDS of yours instead of SOs who you have never met. The nerve!!!!










I'm kidding.

It's a tough situation. If your cousins are in long serious relationships I can see why they would be upset. Wouldn't you want to be invited with FH if the tables were turned? However, it looks like it's your aunt who is upset here. Your cousins might not even mind. It's not like they won't know other people at the wedding....

Especially if it's not a serious relationship I think it's fine (albeit not preferable) to invite them without guests. If it comes down to inviting close friends or people you don't know, you should invite the people you care about. We are only inviting people 'with guest' if they are in a serious relationship, and ideally if we have met their SO (although with some of our friends scattered across the country that might not always be feasible). Good luck with everything

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LOL! I bet my family thinks IM being a bridezilla.
I know it ***** and my two cousins who shes talking about have been with their SO's a year but I have 75 members on my side of the family. If I added SO's to that, it would easily become almost double that. These cousins also still live at home. They dont live with their SO's. If they did, then of course theyd be invited. If someone invited me to a wedding right now without FH, Id be furious because we live together and have been together over 6 years. And youre right, my cousins might not give two shits about bringing their SO's and it could all be my aunt but I wish she could just understand. And the comment she made about my FH was so insensitive. I just wish I would have said something to her.

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I edited my post above, but in case you missed it I'll repost my edit here:

Edit: If you are close with your cousins and would ideally like to invite them with guests but just can't afford it, be honest with them. They are people who *should* care about you and understand. If you want, you can tell them that they might be able to bring their SOs if lots of people are unable to come, and then use your discretion at that point to decide if you can afford to invite them or if you'd prefer to spend the $$ elsewhere. If your cousins are rude/obnoxious about it then I wouldn't even consider inviting their SOs and if they don't come because of that they will just look bad.

Also, what your aunt said was awful. If she brings anything up again you should tell her that her comments were so hurtful and insensitive and especially coming from someone who is supposed to be FAMILY... etc. lay it on thick.

if it is not in your budget they need to just suck it up, accept it, respect it and be understanding that ur not made of money.

the way I'm working it is ...young adults 18 and above will have 'and guest' OR if I know someone has a long term significant other (10-12 months or longer)...the SO would be invited. However, we upgraded our room therefore we don't have an issue with having to cut people so we have the luxury of adding long term SO's and adult partners or accompanying guests. If I had stood with my smaller room...SO's of younger couples who maybe haven't been together long would be the first place i'd cut.

I am sorry you have to deal with that - some people are NEVER happy!

For example, I hear all these girls on here get cr*p bc they don't invite kids. Well, I invited kids and NOW the parents who AREN'T bringing their kids are making comments to me about inviting kids bc they feel that they can't have a good time with kids around.

Sorry to highjack just wanted to point out that we can't win and no matter our choices - we will always be the 'bridezilla'

Exactly, it feels like we cant do anything right.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! family can get soo annoying!!!

I cant believe she said this to you! I am in the same boat. Our RH has a limit on the # of guests we can invite. we physically cant fit a lot of people...and we're already having problems with the guest list. people want to bring their kids.


just say this....only people who are engaged or married can bring their SO's. all others can see their SO the next day!

you said it perfectly YOU ARE NOT THROWING A PARTY this is a wedding. the whole point is for them to go and see you and witness your marriage. not to get drunk and makeout with their SO in the bathroom!

Hang in there. Your aunt sounds like she's not taking you into consideration and quite frankly it's very selfish on her part. This is your day and money does not grow on trees. How selfish and insensitive. seriously, do not let this get to you, you've done nothing wrong.

Thats terrible you have to deal with that but it happens, sadly it happens more with family then with friends. if she cannot understand your situation with money, then that is her problem for being stubborn, not yours. dont let her get to you! my FH's grandmother heard nokids at my wedding and was like 'well if my great-grandson (hes 8 but she basically raises him not the mom) cant go them IM not going!'...I looked at her and said 'ok then' and walked away.
that got her furious because iam not changing my rules to let a 8 year old KID come to my wedding if i have a no kid policy! She thought about her being ridiculous with that comment, since she is the grandmother of FH and her not coming would be crazy, but i honeslty will not change my rules for anyone being it because of finacial reasons or personal reasons. Again, dont let anyone get to you! its your wedding not theres...when her children have a wedding they can invite whoever they want.

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Posted by Songstress1212

I think what upsets me the most is that I was caught so off guard that I didnt even have a response. And now Im sitting here wishing I would have come out my face like I normally do. Instead I kept my mouth shut.

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you were caught off guard, it's ok. I am the same way. What you should do is the next time you see her, just be prepared to answer back in a very polite YET firm way. She will be totally caught off guard. Stand your ground. As you said, it's not a PARTY. It's a wedding and your paying lots of $$$$. I bet half of your cousins won't even be with their SO 10 years from now. T

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Posted by Songstress1212

I think what upsets me the most is that I was caught so off guard that I didnt even have a response. And now Im sitting here wishing I would have come out my face like I normally do. Instead I kept my mouth shut.

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That happens to me all the time, i think of what i should have said later...but now you know how she can be, and what to say if she brings it up again

omg are you kidding me..you should invite EVERYONE WITH A SO!!!!! lol only kidding
but seriously....thats sooo rude of her to say that..especially because SHES NOT PAYING! people just don't realize how expensive weddings really are..I'm sorry you have to deal with this..