It came to my attention that I've been under a lot of stress from wedding planning, and FH didnt understand why. We ended up arguing about it (in front of my sister) and it was never really resolved. Later, I asked my sister if maybe I went about it the wrong way. She said no, but by the way we argued one thing was for sure. I was doing all the wedding planning and fh was getting a free ride. Of course he didnt understand my plight because he's not in my situation. She said I should give him some 'wedding' responsibilities so it relieves me of some stress and it also shows him that he's been taking me planning everything for granted. So I took her up on her advice and gave me the Limo project, and the passports project. Well, two weeks later and he hasnt started either. I ask him just about every day, have you made any progress? Its always some lame excuse like 'oh, i checked out a couple of websites'. What should I do, and how should I approach him? Without getting into an arguement, what should I ask?
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Any advice?
I don't know how much I can help, because I am going through the same thing.
You just need to stay on top of him about it...I also gave FH the responsibility of doing the limos (which I had to keep asking about until he finally did it)...
I blow up on him quite a bit...after he finally did the limo thing he acted like he has done so much...I wanted to kill him!!!
Honestly though, even though I am extremely stressed, I wouldn't want him to handle a lot of the stuff because I have certain things in mind...
My advice:
Just keep harassing him!!!
divabride
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Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
I blow up on him quite a bit...after he finally did the limo thing he acted like he has done so much...I wanted to kill him!!!
Honestly though, even though I am extremely stressed, I wouldn't want him to handle a lot of the stuff because I have certain things in mind...
You sound a lot like me and Your fh sounds a lot like FH!!!!!!!!
eogara
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Ahhhh, apparently they're all the same! I actually had my FH say to me (after I explained to him how overwhelmed I feel with all of this) 'hmm, I don't know, I'm just not feeling any pressure.'
WHAT?!?!?!?! Of course you don't - you don't DO anything, what the hell is there to feel pressure about?!?!
But, truth be told, I would think he did it 'wrong' or whatever so I guess I'm better off just doing it myself.
Diva - the very few responsibilities I've given FH have always been dated (and, um, dated a little far in advance just in case he didn't get them done on time). Some people, and guys especially, work better when it's structured, like with a deadline. Try that and see what happens.
divabride
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Girl, I all ready went down that route. I gave him a 'to do' list for february. Here's how it looked
February's to do list:
Book Limos
That's about it. And yet i know he hasnt even started it. I just got off the phone with him and I said I am no longer going to bring the limos up on a daily basis. Matter of fact, I wont bring it up at all. But I LOOK FORWARD TO THE END OF THE MONTHHHHHHH...when the limos are booked. Hopefully, I got the message across. If not, your all invited to a roasting on March 1st!!!!!
Jan05Bride
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We lost out on travelers insurance because DH didn't feel the need 'to act on it' right away ... The guys have no clue. They need direct orders, no leeway 'Call XXXXX Limo at 516-xxx-xxxx on Monday at 12 noon. Ask this, this, this and this? Let me know what they say' That they can handle .. but say 'handle limos' ... well you are just asking for waaaaaay too much!
lilacwine
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...sigh...
FH has had six months to get his address list together. We're about two weeks away from sending them.
It was only when I started saying, 'no address, no invite' that he started getting them. I think we're down to less than ten outstanding addresses.
I'm sorry you're all going through this, too, but I'm glad I'm not alone!
lilacwine
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mta
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Posted by eogara
But, truth be told, I would think he did it 'wrong' or whatever so I guess I'm better off just doing it myself.
I think the same thing. It's just easier to do it myself.
Though FI is planning RD with parents. He is getting stressed and feels there are so many options to weigh. I just sit back and say welcome to planning a wedding.
Borricuamorena0905
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Stay on top of them, NAG< NAG < NAG! They'll do it!
First I need to ask if you are comfortable with your FH making important wedding decisions? Personally, I am not. I need to be in total control.
But it may be a battle not easily won if your FH is anything like mine. I had mine do the 'manly' things. Like hot glueing (and burning his fingers) the pew bows and of course getting his own tux and the GM's tuxes.
jimmysgrl
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Hmmmm.....I'm hearing a very common tone. Yes, I am in the exact situation. I have left him in charge of......tuxes. Thats it. Nothing else. That will be done....well, I'm not exactly sure. How to bring it up without an argument? I don't really know. Guys, some guys, at least my guy, I know, doesn't get it. His version of a wedding is that it just happens, no work, no idea what goes into it. So, I printed off my to-do list and read it off to him, his response 'Holy cow.' I felt good about that that he saw how much is going into it (plus, I hit him every time he says he feels no pressure about the wedding or that 'the planning is done.' Yea, okay) So, I read him the list and said, what on this list would you like to take care of becaues I am feeling overwhelmed. It needs to be done by XXX and I really appreciate you helping out with this.
AnniesSS
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Again, I think I'm the minority. But then again, I haven't given FH huge tasks like selecting limos. I've given him smaller jobs like remove the Made in China sticker from the favors, cut out flowers for the placecards, etc. I make the decisions and run them past him. I usually get an OK from everything I've decided on, so I think this is working welll for me.
hbradio
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I have been through this with FH many, many times....did I mention many? The big thing was with the DJ contract because he is the brother of the best man (he has been a professional DJ for 17 years). I was constantly assured that it was 'taken care of' meaning that the DJ would show up. True hes the best mans brother but that does not mean I dont need a contract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I nagged and nagged and nagged.....did I mention I NAGGED EVERYDAY - OBNOXIOUSLY for months until he got off his azz and took care of it.
I also eventually got him to do the church direction cards - it was seriously like pulling teeth.
Now I know this is not the way it works but I believed that if I wanted something done I had to do it myself!!!
CPAPPAS
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Girls, This is toooo amazing...i just had the same conversation 2 nights ago with my FH. I was like, i'm so tired all the time, i never have down time, and i'm always thinking about this stupid wedding...it's like i can't escape it. He's been married once and said 'i told you it was going to be like this'..... men just don't think before they speak. He offered to help, but there was nothing i was really willing to let him handle without my input! So, I don't know...i guess i'm my own worst enemy!
At least i'm not alone!
divabride
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Posted by jimmysgrl
Hmmmm.....I'm hearing a very common tone. Yes, I am in the exact situation. I have left him in charge of......tuxes. Thats it. Nothing else. That will be done....well, I'm not exactly sure. How to bring it up without an argument? I don't really know. Guys, some guys, at least my guy, I know, doesn't get it. His version of a wedding is that it just happens, no work, no idea what goes into it. So, I printed off my to-do list and read it off to him, his response 'Holy cow.' I felt good about that that he saw how much is going into it (plus, I hit him every time he says he feels no pressure about the wedding or that 'the planning is done.' Yea, okay) So, I read him the list and said, what on this list would you like to take care of becaues I am feeling overwhelmed. It needs to be done by XXX and I really appreciate you helping out with this.
You know what, this sounds like a great idea! And every time he says 'what stress?' I will whip my list out and read it aloud. Well Im glad we all feel the same pain, although it still doenst solve the problem. Thanks for the moral support guys, your the best!!
SUNSHINE24
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Tell him very nicely, no sex until you do it! I bet they will think twice about what they have to do. But of course you have to stick to it. Show them a bit of the same frustration that you are going through.
traceyd
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Posted by SUNSHINE24
Tell him very nicely, no sex until you do it! I bet they will think twice about what they have to do. But of course you have to stick to it. Show them a bit of the same frustration that you are going through.
The no sex thing can backfire because you are hurting yourself trying to teach them a lesson-but it could work!
angelbear217
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It sounds like your FH and my FH are related. I had the same situation with the videographer. That is the one thing he was completely in charge of. So every time I asked him, he said, 'yeah, well, I checked out some sites and got some numbers...blah, blah, blah' So after constant nagging it finally worked and he did his job. I say keep on top of him or he may not meet the deadline.
suezboss
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I did the same thing!!! Told him he was in charge of the officiant, and to call Fox Hollow to change our addrss... that was WEEKS ago... has he done it? NO
I told him, that If HE dosent' find and book the officiant, then there will be nobody there to marry us and we're getting married at City Hall before hand, we'll just have the Reception after!
