Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

FH and I are adamant that kids not be invited - toward that end, we are not having flower girls or a ring bearer (even though I have 9 and 5 yr old girl cousins that want to do it)...one of his cousins is due in May (wedding date is Aug) and asked FMIL to basically 'clear' it with FH to bring the baby anyway saying 'well since the baby will be newborn, can I bring it?' Which I thought was a little crass after we expressly said we didn't want kids.....and FMIL was uncomfortable with the whole thing and didn't really address it.
Question: How did you handle it? The etiquette books say you must NEVER expressly say on an invitation that you do not want children; rather you should spread the word by mouth and not put the kids' names on the invites. FH says if they don't come b/c kids are not invited, then they don't come, period. I am really uncomfortable handling this situation when people ask, even though I support our decision not to have kids. Can anyone help me out?

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

That's a tough one. I couldn't imagine my wedding without kids. Sorry. Maye you could word the invite 'Adult Reception Only'.....

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

We had the same problem, and did not have children in our wedding party either. We wrote 'Adults Only Please' on the response card. I was a little uncomfortable with that at first, but you have to be direct for people to get the point. Also you cant make execptions or others will get offended! Hope this helps

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

It's mainly a money issue - our hall charges us half a head for every kid....and given the number of kids our friends have, it's substantial. Almost $40 a head for food they won't eat! Plus we are planning an adult-like party afterward (like big time partying) and there is no place for kids at a thing like that. I feel guilty re my family, but I agree with FH about the $$.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

I love kids and I can't imagine mine without them. But since you're adamant about not having kids, I think it's okay to have on the bottom of the invitation or response card, 'An Adult Only Affair', or something to that affect to make it clear.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

Well, the only kids we are having at our reception are family, little cousins and nephews and nieces, all 5-9 years old. But, we are using the word of mouth method for everyone else. I can't understand how anyone would even think that a party from 7-12 or 8-1 is the place for a newborn. My brother is expecting his first and wouldn't dream of bringing a 6 week old baby to a party with a loud band and alcohol. Common sense should dictate that they get a sitter.

You can very politely say that you prefer not having the baby there, they should understand.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

The only trouble I came across was when I first started planning I had mentioned to my stepmother that I was only having 'the two kids there' meaning my neice & cousin (9 & 7 at time of wedding). I am very close to them & they are both going to be flowergirls. But when I said that my stepmother assumed I meant my stepbrothers 2 kids. I have no relationship with them - I never see them & they don't even know who I am! When I told her no she got a bit insulted & said 'oh their not invited?' I told her no & that I'd have no kids under the age of 12 if they weren't in the wedding party (not really true because 'my girls' would ALWAYS be there! The next day I got an email from her asking me to reconsider & invite them. I told her NO that this was one area that we feel VERY strongly about & we will not change our minds! I never heard anything else about it so far! Hopefully it stays that way. If not the same response will be given!!!!!


Jodi

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

When we got married we agreed the only children would be nieces and nephews. If we had invited all children it would have raise the total cost of the reception by over 2 grand. We did not have that kind of money or that kind of room. I only allowed DH nieces and nephews because they are older. The youngest at the time was 8. And b/c both DH parents were deceased. I have no nieces or nephews. Anyway, My godmother said that she would not attend if her 4 boys could not come. My grandmother said that she would pay for them to be there. I told her she would also have to pay for every other child. That squelched the idea. Everyone (my aunt being the exception) pretty much knew that if the persons name was not not on the invite they could not come, so we did not write it on the invitations. But if you, like alot people have guests that dont get it then I would include it on the invite. Etiquette did not pay for my wedding!! I dont thinks it paying for yours!! So do what you need to to assure people get the message.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

If you STRICTLY want NO kids, than you have to be firm about it, and do not make any exceptions, because then people will ask why their kids were NOt invited.
We had NO kids invited to our wedding. The parents need a good night out without them.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

I thought my friend handled it as classily as possible given the situation. On her reception card she wrote 'An adult reception to follow at...'

Good luck!

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

This issue is infuriating b/c it constantly comes up and is always sooo difficult! Don't people realize that a formal affair is not kid friendly?? I HATE the fact that you have to hit people over the head with your wishes about having an adult only reception. Geez! Get a clue, people!

I'm sorry ladies. I know I'm not directly answering the original question, but this issue just gets me so And I'm NOT EVEN PLANNING a wedding right now!!!

But, when we were in this situation, we basically told my husband's family no kids except hubby's first cousins. I think that we offended some second cousins in California, and consequently, most of them responded no to our invitation, but I did not care. My family already has an unspoken rule that kids are not invited...but, that's b/c we've had a lot of weddings recently and no one invited the kids.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

i totally understand your $$$ issue, and i agree that you should have something written on the response card, but definitely not on the invite.....

but, my conscience wouldnt be clear if i didnt make the following points....we can't be angry for people who answer 'no' or for those who are offended by this...if i brought my children to my wedding (when i have them!!!) i would account for them in my gift to the bride and groom....i guess i am biased because i grew up going to family weddings and the result has been that i've developed very close relationships over the years with some of the more distant relatives who i never would have met otherwise.... and now that i'm the one who's grown up and getting married, they can't wait to see me be the bride!!!!!

not to sound like a hallmark card, but children bring an innocence and joy to any occasion...

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

We are only having immediate kids. im not sure if it will cause a problem.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

I think a newborn is even more difficult at a formal affair. For one, one would anyone want their newborn to be around all the loud music at a weddig anyway. That is not good for a baby. The mother/father would have to hold the baby all night and never get a chance to dance.
I have already had my no extra kid rule broken since I am getting ready at my aunt's house and she 'needs' her 12 year old grandson to come to the wedding or else my cousin cannot come. Whatever this is RUDE and UNFAIR to all of us. When people ask just say, 'We are not having any children at our reception. It is for adults only. I am sure you understand'. They can then decide what to do for themselves.

Re: Any Trouble with the No Kids Rule? Long

The only trouble I am having with the 'no kids rule' is with my sister. By the time I get married next July, my niece will be 22 months old. I love her to death, there will no be place for her to run around and scream and play with other kids. I don't think it will be fair to my niece because she is going to be bored and therefore act out. My sister is upset that I would exclude my only niece (who won't remember my wedding anyway). I told my mother about it and basically I am looking for a babysitter for my niece (my sister is coming from out of state) but will invite her to the rehearsal dinner. I hope that is a compromise she can live with. I have also asked all parents to pass the word around that this wedding is an 'adult-only' affair. Hopefully by my wedding date, people will have heard that no kids will be invited.

Good luck!