Anybody already have a child and getting married???

ajaysmom Posted: Feb 27, 2005 11:03 PM

Anybody already have a child and getting married???

Here's the thing, My son, (he's 8) seems to be okay with things and says he is very happy about it ... but i feel like he's realy not. I know this will be a big adjustment for him. He keeps saying he's excited that he 'gets a dad' this in itself KILLS me... (Real one hasnt shown his face in over 4 years... ) Anyway......
He's been all of a sudden very clingy and acting up alot latley so I don't know if this is due to the whole marriage thing and the new family and all the hupla along with it!! I can only assume it is but.... but if anyone is dealing with this or have already dealt with it with any advise?? I can use it. Thanks!!

beautyq115 Posted: Feb 28, 2005 06:04 AM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

Did you post on the BHB Board or even the Newlywed board...sorry I am not in that situation. I just thought it might help you to ask on these boards too! Good Luck!!

DanielleBride Posted: Feb 28, 2005 06:20 AM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

I have a 6 year old daughter, soon to be 7 , and she is going through a similar 'adjustment' phase. She has been clingy and moody at the drop of a dime lately. I think that your son may be trying to make sure he is getting his share of the attention with all the excitement and planning going on. I would make sure you spend time with him , just the two of you, as well as the 3 of you. This will make him feel as though he is included and important. Good luck!

ajaysmom Posted: Feb 28, 2005 08:20 AM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

Thank you both! Sometimes it helps to get advise form people who are going through it! I've been trying to give him 'extra' attention, and we bring him everywhere, to keep him involved with things and we both keep telling him thtat this is about him too and we are all becomming a family so on and so forth. I do appreciate the help! I may post on BHB!!

Thanks again!!

Kiddo115 Posted: Feb 28, 2005 09:56 AM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

I was actually the Child:) lol...
My mom and dad divorced when I was 1, so all I knew was having my mom all to myself. Well, 12 years later, mom meets stepdad and they decided to get married! I was 13 and not used to sharing my mommy!!! lol...
I never acted up (ever..) until that summer before. And it wasn't huge either.. but people noticed that i was a little 'bratty'. But no one understood that it was just my mom and i for sooooooo long. But I adjusted

SweetCin704 Posted: Feb 28, 2005 11:56 AM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

I was almost in the situation. Ex and I were on the verge of getting engaged (picked out a ring, went to Florida to plan a destination wedding) & he had a 13 year old daughter (that he was very close to). Although we had gotten along fantastic b/4 this, she became OVERLY attached to her dad and was acting a bit cold to me and kept bringing up the past with her dad.

We tried to involve her as much as possible. We were going to have her come up to the altar (at one point w/ us) for this 'family' ceremony (we were going to give her this special necklace). There are sites on this---I think its called a family ceremony or such. I also asked her opinion on things, etc. It helped out. (Sadly I found out 3 months later he was cheating on me & I ended it, but to this day his daughter & I still chat on AOL and she sends an email).

Like someone else said, I'd ask on the newlywed board, I know some girls have kiddos.

Good luck.

LuckyMe Posted: Feb 28, 2005 02:27 PM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

We have a total of 5. Two are mine from teenage years and one is his from teenage years and two are ours. However, you would never know it because when we are all together fortunetly we're one big happy family. My two havent seen their sperm donor in 12years(real loser)and my oldest will be 15 in June and her brother is gonna be 13 in august. Thats a story in it's self. I did go through something recently though we're my daughter claimed she hated FH and never liked him and he isnt her father(told him this). All because she mouthed off as teenagers do one too many times and FH finally blew up and grounded her(4yrs it took). Needless to say they both call him Daddy and ask to go out with him everytime he walks out the door. I think the only reason we look at normal flip flop behavior from our kids and wonder if it's a problem is because they are not blood related but my darling daughter tells my family she hates me all the time Try family counseling and just get everything on the table but Im sure if he's telling you he's fine he probably is.

Steph62406 Posted: Feb 28, 2005 03:09 PM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

FH and I have a 3 year old together, She does not like it if we talk about the wedding or if I look at a bridal magazine. For a while it really upset me and I couldn't understand why it was getting her upset. Finally now she's starting to get a little bit better only for the fact that we had to explain it to her more on a kid level SO she could understand. She know thinks that I'm Cinderella and that Daddy is the prince.....LOL What ever makes her happy!!!! Good Luck

ajaysmom Posted: Feb 28, 2005 08:34 PM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

So Funny you used the sperm donor thing! Tha's how I fondly refer to his. that or D*** Head works good for me. I don't think my son could pick his 'real' father out of a crowd to be honest! And I feel bad.
Ever since we got engaged he now refers to SD as 'Joe' of My father... no more dad. And wants to know if he's allowed to cal FH Dad.. I told him that's up to him! FH is soooo excited about being the dad all he talks about is when does he get to adopt him... Topic for a later date. Not ready to stir things up right now!

Anyway Thank you!!

stevejamnik Posted: Feb 28, 2005 09:30 PM

Re: Anybody already have a child and getting married???

hi ajaysmom,

I also have a little boy named Nikolas who just turned 5. I think he is still to young to understand what is going to happen though. I try to explain to him the whole situation and one day we are going to live together but I think it hasn't fully sunken in yet.

Have you tried to talk to him about it, maybe ask him how he feels. He might be embarrased to bring it up but maybe if you do it in a subtle way just you and him. Make a day of it(take him to the movies, or jillians or something) He may open up. He may feel like he will lose you. Who knows. It's alot for a little boy to deal with. I hope everything works out for you and if you need to talk FM me. GOODLUCK!!