Brides Helping Brides ™ - Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Jordan Posted: Jul 03, 2003 11:59 AM

Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I was asked to be a BM in my friend's wedding...for May or June of 2005. I graciously accepted! Now they're talking about moving the wedding up a year to July 2004. My wedding is 9/3/04...I'm feeling like I'm going to be extremely stressed around that time and am now having second thoughts about being in the wedding. It will be a lot of money - between her shower, bachelorette party, wedding gift & my BM attire - ON TOP OF *my* own expenses for my wedding.

Have any of you been in a wedding just a couple of months before your own? How'd you handle it? Am I being selfish/rediculous thinking I can't do both??

DecBride04 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

WoW- tough call... I haven't been in that situation thankfully. But I understand where you are coming from and you are not at all being selfish. If I were you, def think how important this person is to you in your life...is it a 'close friend' or just a 'friend'. That can really help you determine if you should be apart of her big day. Also, is she in your BP? These are things to think about and why you were asked to be a BM. If it comes down to the fact that she at all isn't the closest of people to you, I would say drop out. I am sure she would understand, because before ya know it- your pockets will be empty. Time to think....

Jordan Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Thanks for your reply. She's not in my BP - I think she considers me a closer friend thatn I consider her. It's a weird relationship...she's a very quiet girl - totally opposite of my personality. But I like her. A lot. I'm not going to say anything to her until they actually book a place/confirm the date. As you said, I have to (really) think about this...

nrvbrd Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:09 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Honestly, I would tell her straight up, what a challenge it would be financially.

It is now July and I am getting married in Sept. I would not be in a postion to be in someone's wedding.

You really need to talk to her sooner than later. If she is a friend she will understand.

Chloegirl Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:13 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I think it depends on how close of friends you are. I am in a wedding a few months before mine. The bride is one of my closest and dearest friends so I wouldnt think of not being a part of everything. Its a lot of money but hey, she is in my wedding a few months later so we do what we gotta do.

sanmik Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:13 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

If it will be too hard on you, tell her now. Say you'll do a reading and/or help out anyway you can, but being it's 2 months before yours, you'll be strapped for cash and it won't be fair to either you or her. If they are talking about moving it, just let her know what the situation if she does. Just be honest.

CippyLoo Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:16 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

My cousin was married in December, I was married in June and my brother will be married in August...we are all very close and all of us including our new husbands and my brother's FW were all in or going to be in each other's wedding party....it has been a very expensive, hectic year, but it's also been a whole lot of fun!!!!
I agree that you should think about how close this person is to you...that should help some in helping you make a decision. Good luck!

Sassyz75 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 12:57 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I was in a wedding 1 month after my wedding- it was tough with the $ situation but I did it because she is one of my BEST friends. She was in my wedding, I was in hers... In the end- everything worked out.. we both got deals on our dresses, we didn't have expensive bachelorette parties and we both spent about $200 each on the shower..

aliciahelene Posted: Jul 03, 2003 01:26 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

That is a tough call! I was the MOH in my sisters wedding and was going through those expenses, tehna close friend asked me to be inhers, I had to decline because I just didnt have the money and she was going with Vera Wang dresses, etc. She completely understood..I say sit your friend down and tell her yoru concerns..you will figure out something!!

sept2703 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 01:49 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I am in my friends wedding 3 weeks before mine and she is in mine. Although I booked mine after hers. Which I felt bad about but it was the only date we could do it. And our 1 friend is in both of them. I think if it is a good enough friend you should do it. Start a little savings fund now - you have plenty of time until 2004. It has been a little crazy the past month or so with planning her shower and doing my own wedding stuff but it has been fun and she is a good friend so it works out.

sept2703 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 01:51 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I would also make sure the other BM's understand you will be busy and may not be able to help out all that much with the shower planning and such. I had some issues with that b/c none of her other girls wanted to start the orrganizing and since I am so close to it I wound up feeling responsible for a lot even though I am not the MOH.

tootsie Posted: Jul 03, 2003 02:32 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

My wedding is this Oct and I am in a wedding on Aug 1 and Aug 30 (both great friends and they are in mine as well). It's tough money wise but we are just strapping ourselves to make it. I was asked when they first got engaged so I have been saving ever since so it has not been so bad but it's still difficult. I have been doing everything I could for my own wedding early on to stay on top of things but I know at the end it's going to get hectic. It will be okay.

Niecey Posted: Jul 03, 2003 02:46 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Honestly, you know your financial situation and your personality and therefore only you can answer this for yourself. Personally, I feel if this is my good friend I would love to be apart of her special day and do whatever it takes to make her day just as special as my own.

My brother got married less than three months before me. I was in their bridal party. I did everything in my power to make sure I was supportive of their needs and waited to mail my invites and a few other things to make sure the focus was on them. So they both were 2 separate special and wonderful events!

Also, this wedding seems far enough before your wedding that I wouldn't think you should be that stressed out that far in advance. It is really the month when you are out of control busy!

cookiek1 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 02:50 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Financially it would be tough but I would still do it if this was a close freind. It might be stressful but if you love her enough (which I think you should since you accepted to be in her wedding in the first place) then I would make it work somehow.

Jordan Posted: Jul 03, 2003 03:18 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

She's not a 'close' friend - she's not in my BP, I didn't even think twice about considering asking her to be in mine after she asked me to be in hers. It's more than the financial part of it - it's my time that will be put in to planning, essentially, 2 weddings. There's only 3 of us in her BP - and I'm the only local one. So it's all going to be on my shoulders. I don't want to sacrifice any of my plans in order to do both - at this point, I don't care if that sounds selfish.

A side note about the groom...FH & I work with him. He's always had a bit of competition going with FH & I...he proposed to her 3 months after we got engaged & it's been a big 'competition' with him ever since. NOT on our part, it's with his comments. So anyway, the groom is super sensitive, obviously if he needs to 1 up us all the time - or at least try - so I don't want to cause any rifts between all of us since 3 of us work together...him & my FH in the same department.

I just have to think about this. I was just curious more about the stress in the few months before your OWN wedding and if that stress allowed room to help plan someone elses wedding. If it was my sister or my best friend - I wouldn't think twice about it. But it's not and I am. Thanks...

LnP2003 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 03:20 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

i just got over this myself.... one of my girlfriends/BM had her wedding on May 9th (I was also in her BP).... well, my wedding is 9/21, and trust me if I can do it, anyone can!

Jordan Posted: Jul 03, 2003 03:24 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

Since my wedding is Labor day weekend - we'd be sending our invites (to some of the same people, even) around the same time as they would send theirs. I cannot wait on sending mine out just b/c they decided to move their wedding up a year b/c the groom *thinks* his 72 & 75 y/o parents might not be around. They are not ill - he just thinks they're aging.

So just under 2 months before my wedding...I shouldn't be feeling any stress? Eh, I'll just have to talk to her.

Jordan Posted: Jul 03, 2003 03:27 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I can DO May. I just don't think I can do less than 2 months before mine. May seems fine - that's 3 1/2-4 months in between. Like I said, she's not a close friend - she doesn't have many friends, so I think she considers me closer to her than I do. We don't talk on the phone, we very, very rarely hang out just us - it's usually the 4 of us. I didn't even think to ask her to be in my BP. Now I feel like I'm just being rude.

BriBri529 Posted: Jul 03, 2003 03:37 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I am in a similar situation (or will be). My friend, knowing my wedding date (and is not yet engaged,but will be come this fall) is planning book her date to be a little less than one month before mine. I have been worried about this because I would never want to ruin our friendship over this, but at the same time, planning to get married one month before me knowing my date already is kind of upsetting. I have no idea how I would be able to pull off being in her bridal party one month before my own wedding. I think that if it's too much for you in terms of too much going on and she is a true friend, then she would understand if you had to back out (especially since she moved the date from after your wedding to right before!)

daisybride Posted: Jul 08, 2003 04:43 PM

Re: Anybody in this situation before (or currently)?

I know the feeling we are getting married on July 24th, I am in my cousin's wedding the second week in August. A good friend of mine is getting married the Sunday before we are so we will be attending that, and FI's brother and my FSIL are getting married May 23rd before our wedding. We were engaged first and set our date first but they set their date before ours. We are BOTH in their wedding party as BM and Best Man. Expense and stress is not even the word for this situation!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!