anyone else hate being judged...

Smiley22 Posted: Apr 22, 2008 10:57 PM

anyone else hate being judged...

My cousin's daughter is my flower girl. My cousin is outspoken, and she considers this an asset.

As we are looking for dresses, she casually says to me: since you and FH are already living together, why are you having a big, traditional wedding? Why not do something small...I'm surprised.

This hurt my feelings so much!

She married at 24, tells everyone she was a virgin, and takes much pride in this - so much so that she feels free to verbally judge everyone who has not lived up to this 'traditional' standard.

Well, I'm 28, just finished graduate school, and living together has made sense both financially and emotionally.

Nevertheless, I was speechless when she said this.....

hyphenbride Posted: Apr 22, 2008 11:04 PM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

Wow...how rude and judgmental.

It's hard to deal with people like that. My way of dealing is to ask, 'Did you really just say something so rude out loud?'

Actually, it's usually a LOT less polite than that one (you should hear what I said to my uncle who asked me if I was 'really wearing white? Who do you think you're fooling?').

Sorry you have to deal with that. People who are happy with the decisions they have made in their life typically don't critique others for choosing differently.

Aug07OFCbride Posted: Apr 22, 2008 11:34 PM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

sorry to hear this. you have your own reasons for living together and don't need to explain them to someone else. as for the comments....i guess its human nature, we make these kinds of comments, all the while none of us are perfect!!

yswedding Posted: Apr 22, 2008 11:47 PM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

I would think she's got nothing else going for her, other than she was a virgin when she got married, good for her.

Some of us, have lives, accomplishments outside of our virginities and the loss there of. I didn't know people, other than my grandparents, still care about this.

Don't take it personally, its her issue, she's probably flaunting all she's got.

Jayla127 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 12:40 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

Even though she is married it's sounds to me she might be a little insecure. I would definitely nip her in the bud and explain to her that her comments upsets you. And, if she has nothing good to say keep her mouth shut.

queensora1980 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 12:50 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

sorry to hear this. you have your own reasons for living together and don't need to explain them to someone else. as for the comments....i guess its human nature, we make these kinds of comments, all the while none of us are perfect!!

Yeah....
None of us are perfect!

EverlovingEv Posted: Apr 23, 2008 03:03 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

Posted by hyphenbride

Wow...how rude and judgmental.

It's hard to deal with people like that. My way of dealing is to ask, 'Did you really just say something so rude out loud?'

Actually, it's usually a LOT less polite than that one (you should hear what I said to my uncle who asked me if I was 'really wearing white? Who do you think you're fooling?').

Sorry you have to deal with that. People who are happy with the decisions they have made in their life typically don't critique others for choosing differently.

i know a few ppl that lack an internal filter and say what ever comes to them.
Sorry this happened to you.
I would go with 'Did you really just say something so rude out loud?'

PeteysBride Posted: Apr 23, 2008 05:58 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

Aww honey!

Well obviously you know she was a little unfiltered and she should remember the rule bout not saying anything nice.

But I will say that we got alot of flack too because weddings just bring oput the worst in people. You see colors you never thought you'd see and then after the weddign when you're smarting because you feel that you were not supported as much as you should be, people seem to go back to normal. Its a freaky phenomenon but it does NOT mean she was in her right to speak to you that way.

It was tactless and rude, but being she is family and you say she is outspoken always, I doubt it was malicious. It was just tacky. I would just tell her gently next time you see her that she kinda hurt your feelings if it bothers you or make a joke and let it roll off your shoulders like I did when my mom made a ocmment about me wearing white on my wedding say after 'the life I lived.'

I just smiled and saidm, 'Thats why I am wearign RED hitgh heels!' She almost died and did not say anything again. It HURT but sometimemes you just have to let it roll off. YOU didnt do anything wrong. Neither did your DH. People just need mouth seals soemtimes.

michesq Posted: Apr 23, 2008 06:15 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

sorry to hear this. Unfortunately people can be judgmental and they should not, nothing wrong with the choices you have made- ignore her

Future Mulligan Posted: Apr 23, 2008 08:51 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

dont be upset - so many of us live with our FHs (myself included) and there is nothing wrong with that....dont let it get to you

FutureMrsF2010 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 09:28 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

I've lived with FH for 4 years and I have a child. Some people feel they're giving me words of wisdom when they tell me to just save my money and buy a house.

Bottom Line: Its YOUR life and NO ONE can tell you what the 'right' thing to do with it is! I know for myself, having a big wedding has always been my dream so for me, this IS the 'right' thing!!! S cr ew anyone who tries to tell you what you want. Just let it roll off your shoulders and know you have more tact than that!

lizzie217 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 09:41 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

People who do things like this are usually projecting their own unhappiness onto you. Do not feel the need to explain yourself or your decisions to Ms. High and mighty! I sense some jealously. on her part! ................

roan126 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 09:53 AM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

I REALLY hate that. I try not to do that to other people. I dont get why people dont understand that I make decisions for MY life based on what I feel is right for ME, not what is right for YOU. Oooh, that just makes me so mad.

azailia Posted: Apr 23, 2008 10:11 PM

Re: anyone else hate being judged...

I know what you mean. My cousin is acting the same way. When I talk about the wedding, she rolls her eyes and says, ican't believe you are doing this. (planning a wedding) my wedding isnt even that extravagant.. either.

Meanwhile she did it when she got married...what she can and no one else can?

It is sad and I dont get it.