Anyone else's MOH worthless?

I really don't feel like I expected too much of my MOH--she moved to Chicago, but a call every now and then to ask how the wedding stuff is going would be nice. So last week I email her the two dress pics. I was considering, and she wrote back:
'Do you have something I should read about my maid of honor duties that I am
so horribly botching?' So I sent her a website that told her all her duties, and said don't worry you already missed 80% of them....She offered to come in to town a few days before the wedding to help with last minute stuff, but I feel like she already missed so much....Doesn't even bother to ask about it....I feel selfish saying this, I mean I said to her that her standing next to me is what is important, but I also feel like a MOH should be there to help out, or relieve some stress with everything that needs to be done....

It's really hard for her to give you much hands on help since she lives in Chicago. I would take her up on the offer to help out the last few days before the wedding - it will give you some time to really reconnect and help with a lot of last minute items that pop up.

I do agree that an occasional expression of interest in the wedding would be nice though.

It's kinda a hard thing, this MOH business. Mine, for instance, was just the WRONG choice. She just wasn't interested in wedding stuff, and acted uninterested the entire year of planning. She made my family CRAZY for the bridal shower, and just wasn't the person to handle it. She's my best friend and a great person otherwise, so this was kinda weird for me, but some people just aren't cut out for the MOH job. She did step up in the weeks before and the day of (although she stressed herself out and the chaos of my family (and me, I have to admit) was just too much for her).

Just scale back your expectations of her, and see if you can't get other BMs to do some of the other stuff.

Good luck!

Its hard when you pick out of towners to be in your bridal party. I had quite a few, and basically their 'duties' were limited in the sense that they had to get their measurements faxed into the store by a certain date, and then they stood up there with my on my wedding day. I got no help from many of them for anything else. Had I asked, I probably would have gotten it though. It just made for some awkward moments when my complete bridal party (including my MOH) were not at my shower or my bachelorette party.

If I were to do it over, I probably would have made some different decisions about my briday party. But I think that is more because some of the friendships have changed (I dont speak to MOH anymore) and not because of the distance.

Talk about worthless.....My MOH lives two doors down and I have known her forever. She's more like a sister. Her family is great and I am part of that family. With that aside, she has done nothing. Whenever I let her in on something I have done, there is never a good reaction. For example, the first thing she said to me when I told her I booked the Swan Club was, 'I don't remember the food being that good.' We had been together at one our mutual friend's weddings there a few years ago, and I distinctly remember her chowing her face off at the cocktail hour. I showed her my necklace, and she said nothing. She asks me how I feel about booking vendors that I haven't seen at someone else's reception, because she would never do it, and I try to explain the boards to her, but she doesn't listen. The only thing I have asked her to do with me was come to select a flower girl dress, and she woke up that morning with 'cramps' and I went without her. Whatever. Jealousy is a terrible thing, and I feel worse for her because he has to carry that around with her. That's worse than me feeling hurt that she doesn't give a rat's a$$. So don't worry about it. You're marrying the person who would probably give their life for you. It's all about you, and whoever isn't regarding your expensive wedding, can go you know what

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Posted by MrsKinMay05

My MOH just came home!! She is fab. The rest of the BP, I could be lying in a ditch for a month before they noticed.

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same here. my sister (MOH) has made reference several times to how no one is responding to her emails and phone calls... first for the shower, which already passed, and now for the bachelorette party. these girls are my best friends, but none of them are near the 'getting married' mentality, so i really think they are truly clueless. can't wait for their weddings!

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Posted by mariecam
Jealousy is a terrible thing, and I feel worse for her because he has to carry that around with her. That's worse than me feeling hurt that she doesn't give a rat's a$$. So don't worry about it. You're marrying the person who would probably give their life for you. It's all about you, and whoever isn't regarding your expensive wedding, can go you know what

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That's exactly it! I do think she is just being jealous. I knew she was not in the area, and I didn't expect much, but I sent her emails with pics. of me in my dress--no response for a few days and then her saying I can't really tell how it looks without seeing it in person! AND her parents live out east and she has been home several times, without ever mentioning to me she was here until AFTER she was home in Chicago! And then said it was because she didn't have time to go help with wedding shopping. I NEVER EVEN ASKED HER TO! UGH!

I haven't really read any replies yet, but I will add my 2 cents. Maybe I am the only one who thinks this, but that's ok.....I just feel like it's an antiquated idea that the bridesmaids/MOH are supposed to relieve stress for you and help with the planning. Why do I say this? Well, my MOH(my sister) is getting married two months before me next year, another BM is getting married a month before me, one BM is in MA, another one is a busy mother with a family and the other one is only 16, so how can I expect any of them to help me out? Not to mention, I don't really have time to do anything for them for their weddings, either. They are the girls that are the closest to me in my personal life, and so it was important to me that they be part of my BP, but really, that is the only reason why. We ALL have busy lives, and I certainly cannot expect them to be as gung-ho about my wedding as I am. If I had picked who I thought would be most helpful, I'd have a bunch of 50 and 60 year old women as my BMS
I totally understand needing and wanting help, but I would enlist those who are around more often, rather than a MOH who probably feels bad anyway, and is so far away. I think that the shower is a good time for your girls to get involved. That, alone, is a lot to undertake as a BM, so you can look forward to having your MOH there for that. Then you have all of the fun things like the bachelorette party and what not. And I would definitely take her up on the offer to come in a few days early to help out with last minute stuff. That's probably when you'll need her most. And don't feel bad that she hasn't asked about your wedding plans. People get busy and are self-involved, and it's hard to get excited when it's not your own wedding. I've learned that the hard way from my friends and family. Good luck and cheer up!

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Posted by nov04LIbride

That's exactly it! I do think she is just being jealous. I knew she was not in the area, and I didn't expect much, but I sent her emails with pics. of me in my dress--no response for a few days and then her saying I can't really tell how it looks without seeing it in person! AND her parents live out east and she has been home several times, without ever mentioning to me she was here until AFTER she was home in Chicago! And then said it was because she didn't have time to go help with wedding shopping. I NEVER EVEN ASKED HER TO! UGH!

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I just saw this now, so maybe some of my previous post doesn't apply. All I can say is

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with this. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know if you decide to take her up on her offer. It is a little later but maybe but well deserved on your part.