Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
PrincessConsuela
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Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
Just started to plan my wedding and already we cannot stand to be in the same room as each other. well i cant. she keeps saying 'what if i come up with X$? towards the wedding' i say anything would be good. then the next time she gives me another figure and it is lower then the first and of course i get pissed as anyone would. now i made my budget without counting on either of my parents so any money at this point would be good. i wish she just kept her big mouth shut.
Bunnymonkey
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
I have a feeling my mother and I are going to get bad. money is not the issue...she talks about HER dress non-stop, and verbally invites everyone we talk to about the wedding TO the wedding. I will have to take back the 'control' reins, alot. Many randoms are going to be dissapointed when they don't get an invite! IMHO: I think it is somewhat normal to have tension with your mom during this process...honestly, for me, it has been bringing to light alot of our deep rooted issues with each other, and I am looking at the bigger picture of WHY she is acting like this. Hopefully, we can use this time to work through some of them, and not to aggrivate them even further!
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
My mom is actually really great with everything. She has always just let me do what I have to so with the wedding, I know she will be the same. It is the FMIL that I am a little worried about. I don't want to cause anyone any grief or myself to have to deal with drama. My mom I can nip in the bud but not FMIL....I just suck it all in, which is bad!
CubanBride
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
Well mother is not talking to me or anyone else in my family, so no, I don't feel like I am fighting with my mother more.
patti08
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
On the surface my mom is great but I see some underlying things that are bothering me a bit. I think she's actually a bit jealous, and she's going through menopause so I'm choosing my battles carefully. The one issue I have addressed was $ related. She also lowerd the amount of money she had offered in the beginning. We discussed the stress this put on the budget and ammended her part of the guest list.
Here's some of the wierd stuff that I am letting alone for now: My dress has sheer sleeves and back with light beading. She just bought hers and it has a very similar style, her's is Navy and it looks great but the similarity hadn't struck me until...I won a faux fur (blond mink - fake) cape on ebay. It's adorable, and will look fantastic with my dress. Well she just ordered a faux fur stole in a similar color. I think that she might not even realize the similarities to what I will be wearing and I can let this be a non issue - unless she decides to wear a veil.
The kookiest - she's going to see a psychic astrologer for some answers...to what I'm not sure. but that's another post.
Happily Ever After
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
yes!! My mom is MIA when I need her and then complains that I don't 'involve' her in the wedding process and she feels like just b/c she's not paying doesn't mean I shouldn't involve her. Meanwhile when I DO TRY she is never around. She also told us when we got engaged she would help pay for either the DJ or photographer.. Well IM glad I didn't count on that money b/c ever since I really started planning she has never dared to mention it again I wont bring it up b/c I don't want to feel like I am 'begging' her for money. Honestly its my wedding and I rather pay for everything ourselves and not depend on anyone or feel as if I owe anyone anything. I do everything MY way
james'pokey
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
My mom had been very good. She is sick so I am grateful that she is here and hope that she will be for my wedding day. Please understand that it is a stressfulk time but we should be grateful they are here to share it with us.
JPC1125
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
my mother hung up the phone on me the other day when i started to tell her not to talk badly about my fiance and that it would do neither relationship good.
she called back later on but didnt apologize for how she was acting and kinda blamed it all on me by saying 'why do you make me feel bad for trying to help you out with wedding planning?'
FYI: she runs hot and cold- one min shes all into looking at magazines with me and the next shes fighting with me saying im planning my wedding for his family.
There are going to be some serious in law issues here- his family is great and have extended invitations for dinner to my parents who always turn them down ...my family is antisocial and doesnt agree with the way my FH family spends money or goes on vacations. Its just insanity in my life.
keljoe04
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
It can be tough. My mom and I fought ALOT in the beginning of the planning process and then when things got underway she backed off a little. Now that I only have 4 months left the fights are picking up again. What makes it really hard is that I live at home and its just my mom and I so there is no getting away from it. We have had some control issues. Sometimes I think she thinks that this is her wedding. She is helping to pay for some of it...but I will admit I'm a total control freak and I feel that I should have final say. In a way we are very similar and we both have very strong personalities and neither one of us budge on things. I am grateful that I have my mom here during all the planning...but Im ready for it to be over. I just hope our relationship goes back to normal after the wedding when all the stress of planning is over.
Bunnymonkey
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
Sometimes I think that my mom is jealous of my youth and the fact that i have my whole life ahead of me. The menopause thing mentioned earlier is a big factor. I am trying to be sensitive to these things, but honestly, the mother-daughter dynamic is a complicated one. Women are jealous beings...and yes, they can be insanely jealous of their daughters. I know there are alot of amazing moms out there (and I plan on being one!) but I have read so many sad posts on here about women who's mothers are monsters during this process...I think it is very revealing of how easy it is to lose sight of what is important. i plan on taking the drama and using it as a lesson in 'What not to do with my daughter.' The buck stops here, people!
goingtobemrs
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
My mother is making an issue out of EVERYTHING. We are budgeting this wedding with $15,000 (or so...) and she is acting like we are trying to live the fancy life. They were married in Greece at a small ceremony, etc. and have NO idea what weddings are like here. Then we started to plan the engagment party...EVERYTHING is an issue. I say, and learned, just do what you want, and tell them after the fact.
Kriss2c
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
I wish my mother were a little more involved in the wedding planning actually... I could have used her input in a lot of places. Unfortunately circumstances won't permit it, her mother (grandma) is going thru cancer for the 3rd (and her doctors say final) time in her life so my mom is really and quite understandably preoccupied with her right now.
nferrandi
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
My mom started out great, she went o to 18 halls with me and we were having a great time. I kept asking my parents for a budget and the wouldn't give me one. When we finally decided on a hall, all of a sudden if was 'more than they expected to spend' and the gave me a lot of grief. I fought with my mom for weeks and she wound up uninvolved in the planning for a while after that. Now things have really settled down and she's involved and being great. I'm hoping we don't have any more issies, and I'm pretty sure we won't.
PrincessConsuela
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
I know i am very lucky to have my mother around for this process and not everyone has that belive me i know. from past family experiences. However i also agree with the whole jealousy thing too. my parents are divorced and my well so called father is getting re married and i think this is really affecting her more then she really leads on to. she is in a great relationship right now however they both agreed to wait to get married (they both have issues) so this is definetly a jealousy issue im sure. thanks for the support i knew there were a few ladies having these problems. i may just tell her if she is planning on giving us any money that she could just give it to us as a present after the wedding so i will not have to involve her with to much of the process for the wedding.
dita531
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dm24angel
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Re: Anyone fighting with there mother more now? Vent Sorry So long
I am fighting with my mom for the first time in like 6 years!!! I understand, its so sad and painful but I think its expected and it will all work out...Its the stress!
