anyone have issues w/ exes?? VERY VERY LONG

i don't know what it is about our exes (had a problem with mine at my eng party) but FH's ex was so psycotic ever since we started dating. it's a long story but she called him at weird hours of the night knowing i was there and had her friends call too and she'd write emails to him about how much she loves him and she even called his brother and a couple of his friends to try to get them to get FH to break up with me (when we were dating). then we get engaged and her mom (who was friends with FH's mom) flips out and screams at her, slamming on the dashboard of the car. anyway, that was in dec. i thought this was over - there is more to the story- but it's too long to get into.

anyway, FH got an email at his work account yesterday from her after all these months.

i need to vent so i'm attaching it - subject is 'overtures of reconciliation'

Oh, I know, if you're even reading this at all, you are cringing to
hear
from me, the enemy. I don't know how I came to bear that role, but so I
have. In writing you, I am not trying to interfere with your new life.
But
our lives have been so intertwined that I find, even now, that I am
haunted
by the ending we found. I think you hate me because you feel guilty
about
things, and because J has such vehement lashings-out when I pop into
the
picture. What she doesn't understand is that I wasn't just some girl
you
dated. Or maybe she does understand it, and that's why she loathes me
so.
But you see, she overlapped my time. I never got to say goodbye, never
got
to grieve my loss of my friend. She staked claim before I should
have
been gone. It hurts me so to be discarded like that. After all, I loved
you
thoroughly. And you loved me. We will always be that boy and girl who
discovered love together, no matter where we go from there. I'm not
asking
you for much. I just want a real goodbye. A face to face, a hug, a
'hey,
I'm glad we had each other when we did.' It's too much to think that we
could ever understand what went wrong with us. Maybe you know. Maybe
you
don't want to say. Maybe you don't, and it was just one of those
things.
Nitpicking all the trifles is futile and hurtful. I just can't stand
the
thought that I'm hated, by YOU. I don't know whether you think of me
anymore, but we did have so much more good history than bad. I need to
remember that. I wish you would. And you know, seeing me would probably
be
good for both of us. I
want to end on a good note. I always was a happy ending girl. God,
please
look inside yourself and find that man that I loved, the one with the
good
heart, and help me find some closure.


-------

I dont know whether to laugh or cry! And we didn't start dating until a year after they broke up. He even dated someone else for a couple of months. He tried to remain friends with her since they were childhood friends but obviously it didn't work out.

I know he loves me and all of that - I am not questioning anything he did- he's more than wonderful. But this makes me so angry. Esp since she's blaming me!! I mean, they broke up 4 years ago!!!!! And they were so on and off- it was during college that they dated - and he saw other people (with her knowing this) at the time too. UGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

thanks for letting me vent

sorry you are going thru that

HOLY COW !

First of all, Its nice that your hubby showed you this email. that shows that he's not hiding anything from you.
Secondly. This girl is nuts. I hope he stays far away from her. Her sending this sort of email is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to you.
Her writing that you loathe her ?? it seems that she doesnt care much about what you feel, but just that she and your hubby 'get closure!' Insane. I think your hubby has found closure if he's spending the rest of hislife with you.
Has he responded to her ? is he going to?

She sounds like she has some serious emotional issues, and needs to let go of the past and get over this. She is hung up on your hubby and he has moved on in life, and is obviously very happy with you.

This girl sounds like BADDDDD newssss !!!!!!

Keep us posted.

Look at the good side of this. He let you know about it right away. This seems like a girl with major issues and both of you should just ignore her. People like that thrive on attention.

OMG- they broke up FOUR years ago??? SHe made it sound like friggin' yesterday!
PSYCHO!
But you know what. Let it go, don't be angry. So what if she thinks you hate her. You don't see her often do you? Just play along with what she thinks. If you try and fix the situation and get involved, it'll get worse, and actually-- that is what she is looking for! Drama!
Let FH deal with this.

Edited to add- Hmm do ya think I've dealt with this before
I've been in your boat! I know!

OMG this girl sounds CRAZY!!!!!

IMO, your FH should write her back something like 'I do not hate you. I'm sorry that at this point you haven't felt closure. Please know that I wish you the best in your future. I have moved on with my life a long time ago and I know that you will move on too'

Seriously, she sounds super nuts.


Edited to add: don't let it drag out. If your FH answers her, let it be just that once, he should not let this open up a dialogue between them. And they only reason I think he should respond is so that she hears from him that HE is the one ending it, that it has nothing to do with you loathing her.

I agree with what everyone has been saying, BUT, I also know what it's like to not have closure with someone you loved. It SUCKS. It hurts and it never fully lets go. I'm not taking her side, but I can imagine that she's going through a great deal of pain. She's a little bold for bringing it up all these years later, though! Even though I've never received closure in my situation, I would never go looking for it. Some things you just have to get over, especially if the other person (in this case, your FH) obviously has moved way past it.

I feel sorry for her, and sorry for you too that you are stuck dealing with it!

that girl has some MAJOR problems...

its good that your FI showed you it, cause you should be aware of her... she sounds like a real nut... but your the one with him... she's just a bitter person who is jealous....

they broke up 4 years ago????? what is wrong with that girl?? time to move on honey!!!!! some people just can't let go!!!

i would feel pity for her - it's sad that after 4 years she's still hounding him. that's kind of pathetic. 2 big thumbs up for your FI for showing you this!!!

Ok fist thing .. I agree with anna you FH did show you the letter.. That should tell you how much he values your relationship.
Ok this wack job of a girl needsa to move on… she is doing his because she can not get over your FH… she really hjust needs to move on. You should hav ereplyed to the email with the name of someone this wacko can talk to.. Hand on.. She is just trying to be the center of attention.

thanks girls. fh hasn't even read the email- he forwarded to me (bc i wanted to see it) and then deleted it. but i read some of it to him.

he doesn't want to respond to it- he thinks it will just go away. but he's tried that before and it hasn't worked.

cluelessbride- myfriend suggested to do the same thing- with him emailing her and giving her some sort of closure.

just to clarify i have never met this girl - i've never done anything to her. she knows how i feel from when she called up his brother and he told her she's upsetting me and stuff like that.

it's upsetting to me bc i'm getting married in 4 months and don't feel like i should have to be dealing with this. the week we got engaged was terrible bc that's the last time we heard from her and 5 of fh's friends and his brother got calls from her crying into the phone begging them to do something. plus she called him at work 10 times in one day crying and hanging up.

shouldn't this be done with by now!!!!

anyway, i am thinking to myself- wow- this psycho is still hung up on my fh- i didn't think he was THAT great to be pining for him after all these years!!!!
hahahahha- kidding of course

edited to say- fh had made numerous efforts last year to get her to stop.

I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but you might want to document what is going on and has been going on. Your FH should tell her in no uncertain terms to STOP contacting him. And then have no contact with her whatsoever, and document every harrassing call. Just in case things get out of hand - he may be able to get an order of protection.

I know that sounds extreme, but she really sounds like she is not dealing with reality.

Clueless you are absolutely right.
Though my situation never got to that point... my mom suggested I document stuff, and I did- just in case.

Ugh! People like this infuriate me! When FH and I started dating, his ex would call him numerous times during the day and night. Then, she wanted to see a picture of me. Then, she wanted to send FH's dad a picture of her (they'd never met) so he would think she was prettier than me. I don't now what was up with her - she'd been dating someone for months before FH started dating me. And her boyfriend was the guy that broke up her and my FH. She's now married to this guy, but she STILL contacts FH every now and then via e-mail. I just wish FH would block her address. At least he tells me about the e-mails though. And this loser lives in another state.

But I think your FH should call this psycho on the phone and give her her closure. He just needs to tell her that he doesn't hate her, but it's over and she needs to stop contacting him.

Sorry that you're having to deal with this!