Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

MrsP2Be Posted: Sep 09, 2005 06:48 AM

Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

..And insist on getting married before you? My younger male cousin got engaged a few days ago and for some insane reason they HAVE to get married next spring.

To make matters worse, they want us to fly down to North Carolina, pay for a hotel room AND give a present. That's where she's from, but supposedly she doesn't have family down there besides her mom. My SIL is due in Feb and my aunt thinks she should take the newborn on the plane..she'll 'hire a babysitter.'

To make a long story short, we only get together with them to make my grandmother happy..our families do not really care for each other. If we have a party we invite them all. If my brother & I are invited to one of their parties, it's only because my grandmother is flying up from Florida to be there and it's all for show.

I'm miserable mostly because I know if the situation was reversed they wouldn't fly down for me. I'm just glad that I'm marrying into a family where the extended families love each other and see each other because they want to.

SweetCin704 Posted: Sep 09, 2005 07:24 AM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

That's frustrating!!! Hang in there. At least your 'new' family will be more about caring/loving e/o than putting on a show.

You guys were engaged/planned first so I'm sure you're frustrated. Just know many people may have those same thoughts about flying to NC so I don't think it will affect if people choose to goto your wedding or theirs. If you really don't want to go, you totally have the excuse that you are watching your budget. etc.

MrsP2Be Posted: Sep 09, 2005 07:36 AM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

I was actually thinking of the budget excuse (since it's real!) but I get the feeling my grandmother will say..'then don't expect them at your wedding' and at this point I don't even care..but she's 91 and this means a lot to her.

LuvMyFH Posted: Sep 09, 2005 08:14 AM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

I am not sure you should be mad. You aren't close to them so why do you care if they are getting married before you?

If you can't afford to go, just don't go.

You can send a gift (I would if I wasn't attending).

I understand you frustrated that they are getting married before you and got engaged after you but as you said you and your cousin aren't close, so it shouldn't be such a big deal. Maybe they are financially ready to get married quickly or don't believe in long engagements.

tracy2246 Posted: Sep 09, 2005 08:15 AM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

not my family but my best friend did the same thing-he met a girl about 2 months ago and within a month got engaged and insisted on getting married right before me-we have all of the same friends.....etc...

MrsStefan Posted: Sep 09, 2005 08:21 AM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Ummmm, OKAY..I think I got it on this one. My BROTHER got engaged about 8 months AFTER me and is getting married 3 MONTHS BEFORE me..in KEY WEST FLORIDA!!!! YES boys and girls, now i have to pay to be in the bridal party because he is my brother AND I have to fly down there. My FH is also in the wedding which means DOUBLE the money.

I was upset about it at first, but I am SO happy for them...and i think that even though it $ucks having to spend so much money right before my wedding, it makes a difference that they are having a totally different type of wedding that is out fo state. Our weddings wont be similar at all.

Plus I REALLY love his Fiance...and I couldnt be happier for them

lillady Posted: Sep 09, 2005 01:23 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

My cousin just got re-engaged for the 2nd time and is getting married 1 month before me

SIBride06 Posted: Sep 09, 2005 01:47 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Yep.. My brother!!! He got engaged 7 months after me and is getting married two months BEFORE ME!!!

MrsP2Be Posted: Sep 09, 2005 05:23 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Posted by LuvMyFH

I am not sure you should be mad. You aren't close to them so why do you care if they are getting married before you?

If you can't afford to go, just don't go.

It's not really about the timing so much as the location.

Like I said, I HAVE to go for my grandmother. I have NO choice.

N.Y.bride Posted: Sep 09, 2005 05:25 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

yes, my cousin did and got married a month before me. It didnt really bother me though. If people had to travel to both our weddings and they were close together in time Id be upset b/c most people might have to choose.

Kiddo115 Posted: Sep 09, 2005 05:31 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Two of my cousins got engaged after me and both are getting married before me. One in February and one in March. The one in February is in FLORIDA! Now normally I jump at the chance to visit Florida and see the family, but it's just such crummy timing. Besides the obvious budget issue (saving for the two weddings after the February one, both of which I am in A week apart from eachother in March! )... I will just be starting some sort of teaching job (hopefully!) and I don't want to have to be on the job for four weeks and already request a day off! So I will be hopping on a plane right after school ends on that Friday to make it down there.

This concludes my whining post of the evening...

7706bride Posted: Sep 09, 2005 08:41 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Since we decided on having a 2 year engagement...this happened a lot to us!

Jackie&Justin Posted: Sep 09, 2005 08:49 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Posted by tracy2246

not my family but my best friend did the same thing-he met a girl about 2 months ago and within a month got engaged and insisted on getting married right before me-we have all of the same friends.....etc...

SAME thing happened to me, you have EVERY right to be pissed! I am!

Bride4Mike07 Posted: Feb 04, 2007 12:50 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

My FBIL proposed in November, 3 months after us. They decide they're getting married after us in late '07 or '08. Turns out, they change their minds They moved it up to March '07....3 months later!
Mind you, when my FH proposed in August, we wanted to marry in March and everyone thought is was too soon, so we delayed it until July!!!!
Now, no1 seems to have a problem w/ that date! OH Well........that's familly for you!

DandS Posted: Feb 04, 2007 01:09 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

DH and I got engaged in June and decided to have a short engagement. Then DH's cousin proposed to his now wife about 2 weeks after us and they decided to have a short engagement as well and get married 1 week after us . I was upset at first, but then I got over it and it was actually kind of fun planning everything with her. It kept me on track with things (like sending out ty's for my shower and wedding). I keep saying I have to get it out before her. I did with the shower ty's, but I have to get cracking with the weddding ty's. But we really ended up helping each other out a lot and going to vendors together. Some places were actually willing to give us a better deal if we booked together.

Jennie0898 Posted: Feb 04, 2007 02:08 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Posted by MrsP2Be
It's not really about the timing so much as the location.

Like I said, I HAVE to go for my grandmother. I have NO choice.

i really don't agree... you do have a choice and you don't have to go. i understand you don't want to hurt your grandmother but she's not paying your bills and if you can't afford it, she'll have to understand.

i love my grandparents very much and would not go out of my way to hurt them but if what they wanted me to do was going to hurt me financially i just wouldn't do. end of story.

don't let someone (even your grandma) push you around. you're a grown up.

MrsP2Be Posted: Feb 04, 2007 04:23 PM

Re: Anyone in your family get engaged after you...(VENT!)

Posted by Jennie0898

i really don't agree... you do have a choice and you don't have to go. i understand you don't want to hurt your grandmother but she's not paying your bills and if you can't afford it, she'll have to understand.

Well, if you agree or don't it doesn't matter at this point. I started this topic a year and a half ago. Thanks for the advice about being a grown up but the wedding (and mine) has come and gone already.

Oh and I went to that hideous wedding in North Carolina and it just made mine look better.