Anyone see OC tonight?

I don't know if anyone is as addicted to the OC as I am..

But tonight was so good.. I cant wait until next week...

I just love Ryan.. especial how he punched out that annoying dean!!

I am so addicted to the OC its INSANE!!!

Im right with ya. Tonight was GREAT!!!!

I am so happy I am not alone..

Mike's Weekly OC Email – Episode 3.2
A Mike Barish Production

So, even I'll admit that I wasn't at my best last week. It's a new season, and the first time with someone new is always a little awkward until you get a little more comfortable with each other and figure out what you both like. So, I promise I'll be better this time. I swear that's never happened to me before. Really. Last season I was an animal. The laughs never stopped. Sometimes it was two, three, or four laughs at a time. They just came in waves. So, let's just focus on now. In this moment, it's like no one else in the world exists. It's just you and Mike's Weekly OC Email.

OK, that intro paragraph actually creeped me out a little bit. I could delete it, but I'd rather see what kind of feedback I get from it. Thanks to everyone who shared last week's edition of Mike's Weekly OC Email with their friends to all of you new readers for getting signed up. We're taking a fun ride together. Just pop a couple of Dramamines so you don't feel queasy.

Let me get one minor detail out of the way. I finally watched last week's premiere of 'Reunion' last night. A lot of people had complained that the acting on the show was bad. But why didn't anyone tell me that the writing is atrocious? Thanks for the great 80s songs, but really, the show is poorly written. And Amanda Righetti will always be Hailey, yet FOX (or the FOX executive that Best Friend/Original Mike's Weekly Email Reader Sarah B. assumes she's sleeping with) keeps casting her in new shows! Seriously, did every rich kid in the 80s drive a Porsche and wear Polo shirts? It's just a lot of 80s clichés, so gag me with a spoon…totally!

OK, back to the task at hand. This episode was chock full of drama (it actually had 90% of your USRDA of drama, as well as iron, riboflavin, and some artificial flavors – part of this balanced breakfast). There's no need to delay.

So, meet me at the diner, check out of rehab, and get ready for our last Kick-Off Carnival, because it's time for the list…

WEEKLY EMAAAIL…WEEKLY EMAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL…HERE WE COOOOOOOOOOOME…dinga dinga ding…

1) Casa Cohen is a mess with Kirsten away. The milk has gone bad, there are apple cores on the counter, and they may have to eat hummus for breakfast. After spending ten days in Israel, I can tell you firsthand that hummus can be eaten at every meal. In fact, if you try hard enough in those ten days, you can eat your weight in chickpeas. Sandy loves coming of age moments. He was frothing at the mouth at Seth's Bar Mitzvah. Sadly, it was because he had tetanus. My father acted like Sandy at my Bar Mitzvah and read a three page speech while I struggled to hold the Torah with my spindly, mid-pubescent Jew arms. On that day, I became a man. Also on that day, the definition of the word 'man' was re-written. Anyway, Julie arrives in leopard print, so all is right with the world again. I may just start calling her Cheetara. The Harbor School wants to expel Ryan and Marissa. I smell a Brandon Walsh-led rally: Donna Martin Graduates!
2) The kids gather at the Peach Pit and Marissa orders pancakes with extra butter so that Mischa Barton can put to rest rumors that she never eats. I don't buy it. Summer convinces them that their senior year is going to be the best year ever. She then forces Marissa to give her a High 5. High 5's can be given in jest, but no one likes the overeager 'Give me a High 5' guy. That guy *****. He's usually drunk and laughs at his own jokes even when no one else does. Are you that guy? If so, your friends don't really like you.
3) Hey, remember Dr. Kim? She took Season 2 off. But she's back now. She tells Sandy and Julie that no Harbor School student has ever been involved in a shooting before. Well, Marissa's tall, pretty, and wears Chanel, so she's not exactly 'gangsta.' Actually, Chanel can be gangsta. Just ask Jay-Z . But, the new Dean of Discipline (that sounds dirty), Jack Hess, wants to get rid of Ryan and Marissa. He taught for six years 'back East' at a boarding school, so he knows who the bad kids are. Best Friend/Original Mike's Weekly Email Reader Sarah B. went to an East Coast boarding school, and she never shot anyone. I wish my friends were exciting.
4) Jimmy meets a business associate at a bar. Jimmy drinks scotch on the rocks. I drink scotch on the rocks! We're soul mates. Except I was never dumped by Jennifer Anniston (BURN!). He owes this guy money and is overdue in his payment. It's like Jimmy from Season 1 all over again. Remember Season 1 when this show was consistently good?
5) Summer is wearing cowboy boots. My friend Lesley W. tells me that cowboy boots are in this season for the ladies. Does that mean that I get to finally do 'rodeo' with a girl? If you don't know what that means, ask one of your more 'with it' friends. It's Kick-Off Carnival time again, just like the second episode last season. Rather than re-hash any Kick-Off Carnival jokes, just read the Mike's Weekly OC Email from last season's second episode. Taylor Townsend, who looks like she watches too much 'Laguna Beach,' has usurped Marissa's control of the planning committee. Summer removes Taylor from the podium by giving us our first Season 3 taste of Black Summer. I love when she gets sassy like Moesha used to. I'll give her three snaps in Z formation.
6) Seth tells Ryan that he needs to deal with all of the summer's drama with Marissa. Meanwhile, let's take a moment to refresh ourselves with the definition of the word 'foreshadow.'
7) Kirsten is packing to leave rehab when Charlotte (heretofore referred to as 'SWF' – I predicted this with friends and I think most people are on board now) enters her room in the only way she knows how…the creepy way. SWF is almost packed and ready to go, too. If she was there as long as Kirsten, how did they only meet during last week's episode? SWF has relapsed before, so she's going to her father's cabin at Lake Arrowhead to use it as a halfway house. Halfway to crazy, maybe! She invites Kirsten so that they can get matching haircuts. Hide the stiletto heels!
8) Jimmy and Julie get drinks. The Cooper lucky streak may have included Caleb's death and Marissa's expulsion, but they're still on a good run. I mean, despite the cash flow problems, they're figuring out how to pay for Kaitlyn's boarding school tuition rather than create plot lines and/or a spin-off for her (the spin-off idea as been killed, by the way). Jimmy claims to have left his wallet in the car, so they put the drinks on Caleb's tab. Who do they think will end up paying that tab? Jimmy's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. And he has smoker's teeth. Not that I was lost in his smile.
9) Sandy is barbequing with Seth and Ryan when Dean Hess calls. Is it me, or did that orange sky in the background look completely fake? I've seen more realistic porn sets. Not that I watch porn. Hang on, I have to pay the pizza guy and I don't have any money. OK, I'm back. Ryan gets to stay in school, but Marissa has been expelled. What a twist! It's like M. Night Shyamalan wrote this episode.
10) Kirsten tells Sandy that she's going to Lake Arrowhead rather than to Casa Cohen. She has no timetable for her return home. Geez, when Tom Hanks played Uncle Ned on three episodes of 'Family Ties' it didn't take him this long to deal with his alcoholism. And if Ryan really wanted to ingratiate himself to his adoptive family, he would have poured out all the liquor in the house like Luke on 'Growing Pains.' Sadly, Ryan would have been an 80s sitcom failure. Even sadder, I think I made these same jokes last season.
11) Ryan, Seth, and Summer show up at Marissa's house with bagels (but no bagel guillotine – yes!), Captain Oats, and Princess Sparkle. They all laugh and cheer each other up. There's no joke to be made here, so I won't force it. Use this break to sip your coffee, or, if you have printed this out to read in the bathroom, wipe.
12) Julie wants to donate money to Harbor to get Marissa back in. Jimmy suggests $2,000 or $3,000. But another family had to buy Harbor a pool simply because their son smoked pot. A shooting will clearly cost $100,000. I have to believe that The Harbor School's pool cost more than $100,000. Those kids love water polo. I mean, who doesn't love water sports? If you don't get that, ask your more 'with it' friend again.
13) Taylor Townsend calls Marissa's expulsion a tragedy, and says that 'one minute you're on top, the next you're on the streets.' Um, the streets? Is Marissa joining a gang? Well, actually, that may be the only plot line they haven't tried with her yet. The girls in the Kick-Off Carnival planning committee bow their heads in a moment of silence for Marissa. Summer makes an attempt to be social chair, but Taylor says that only she is qualified since she did all of Marissa's work on Harbor School events while Marissa took all the credit. Who pointed out last season that Marissa always planned events yet we never saw her actually attending meetings or doing work? Oh, right, that was me. So, while you were busy skipping school and experimenting with your sexual orientation, I was making keen observations. That felt really good.
14) SWF keeps mentioning her daddy issues. Anyone else think that daddy is buried in the basement of the cabin? SWF tells Kirsten to invite Sandy to dinner. Better start digging that second grave in the basement. Make it extra deep to fit the eyebrows.
15) Ryan speaks to Dr. Kim to try to help Marissa. She tells him to talk to Dean Hess. Dr. Kim is a shell of her former self. She used to control The Harbor School. Alas, no minority will ever succeed in Newport.
16) Summer is wearing another pair of cowboy boots. She may just mosey into my dreams tonight! She calls Taylor the Karl Rove of the school. Summer's a Democrat? I'm a Democrat! We're soul mates. Except cowboy boots make me look gay. But I do like shopping and sunbathing. Maybe that's what makes me look gay. Anyway, Seth encourages Summer to use her rage to take down Taylor. Meanwhile, I really am straight.
17) Jimmy meets with the guy to whom he owes money again (hooray for grammar). Not only does he no longer own his boat (or have the money to pay back this guy), he needs a $100,000 loan to get Marissa back into school. Jimmy is giving off a very strong 'down and out Dylan McKay' vibe.
18) Ryan and Marissa meet with Dean Hess. If you thought the part in Ryan's hair looked silly, check out the anchorman hair on Dean Hess. Marissa stumbles over her words, and Dean Hess reminds us all that he's from the East Coast. And he only moved to Newport six weeks ago. He must have really studied Marissa's file in that six weeks, because he knows all about her shoplifting, alcohol abuse, overdose in Tijuana, getting caught in a fire and joining a cult, doing coke with Colin, and sleeping with Dylan while Brenda was in Paris. Marissa has no remorse for shooting Trey and storms out of the Dean's office. She'll never be allowed to set foot in Harbor again. That means that there will be a lot more room in that building. I mean, have you seen the size of her feet? They're like two kayaks strapped to her legs.
19) Seth encourages Summer to figure out what she is good at that Taylor is not. Well, Taylor seems to struggle with showing some skin, so maybe Summer could start excelling at that. Ryan comes home stewing and wants to beat up the Dean. Again, the foreshadowing is about as subtle as FOX's insistence that Amanda Righetti is a good actress.
20) Julie tells Jimmy that Marissa's latest outburst will keep her out of Harbor, but she can still use the $100,000 to pay the pool guy and the landscaper. I guess DJ is ready to accept her money? Remember DJ? Yeah, he was a waste of space.
21) Summer and Seth ambush the planning committee and suggest several ideas for the Kick-Off Carnival, such as a chocolate fountain like the one Britney had at her wedding. Speaking of which, congratulations to Britney and Kevin on the birth of their first child, Preston. Clearly she was a big 'Can't Hardly Wait' fan. Summer also has ideas for mini food and improving air quality. I refuse to continue to talk about this scene anymore, as it was just too full of lame jokes.
22) Sandy arrives at Lake Arrowhead and SWF greets him the only way she knows how…in a creepy way. Kirsten is unsupervised. She's a recovering alcoholic, not a monkey. SWF admits that she's been through rehab a few times. Maybe she's not the best person to help Kirsten if she can't seem to keep herself sober long enough to realize that she makes everyone uncomfortable with her weird looks.
23) Marissa tells Ryan that she doesn't need his help and never has. Really, she didn't need his help when Oliver snapped? I guess she would have saved herself then. She's such an ingrate! The consequences of the shooting are tearing them apart. The foreshadowing came true! Who could have possibly seen this coming?
24) One of the planning committee girls gives Summer a High 5 for taking down Taylor. See, people, do you want to be that girl? Only High 5 in jest. Never High 5 (or look back) in anger.
25) Sandy tells Ryan to resist his universal male instinct to fix everything and to just listen. Maybe if Sandy had ever listened to Kirsten he would have realized that she had a drinking problem. But he was too busy starting his own law practice that he seems to be ignoring this season. What does he do all day?
26) Julie and Jimmy enjoy an expensive night out rather than Taco Bell under the stars. I would have suggested the Dom Perignon and the Taco Bell together. Jimmy proposes to Julie with her old ring. Does Julie seem like the kind of person that would have returned the engagement ring when the marriage ended? Well, Jimmy's marrying for money. Much like Julie once did when she married Jimmy. It's the circle of life. Hakuna matata.
27) You always know you can find Marissa in the lifeguard tower. Not since Season 2's use of the pier has a setting been so overused. Wait, the lifeguard tower was overused last season, too. It's just weird. Ryan apologizes and Marissa says that so long as they are both in Newport, things will be alright. Yeah, because these things have always had a way of working themselves out. Just like Marissa's drinking disappeared magically. I miss drunk Marissa.
28) Seth's stomach is too Jewish for carnival rides. Sadly, Seth is often more of an elderly Jewish woman a half-WASP/half-Jew. We're three weeks away from an episode that centers on Seth complaining that the booth in the diner is too drafty. Marissa and Ryan arrive while Taylor looks on as if she has a plan for world domination. I think she's watched 'Mean Girls' too many times. She looks so fetch!
29) SWF is crying by the lake and Kirsten sensed this and came to find her. SWF brought some liquor with her, and Kirsten promises to help her through it. Wait, I thought SWF was supposed to help Kirsten. Maybe she should call the clinic. SWF says she can't handle it with Kirsten. Well, Kirsten has shown that she handles pressure well. Kirsten takes the bottle and goes inside (great, now she's alone with the liquor), and SWF takes out a flask and smirks in the only way she knows how…a creepy way.
30) If Ryan and Marissa were in line with Seth and Summer, how did they wind up in non-consecutive cars on the Ferris wheel? Seth is nauseas again. He's setting Jews back a solid 30 years. Dean Hess shows up in a sweater vest. If Boyz II Men couldn't make sweater vests look good, no one can. Taylor called the Dean (was he there, or does she have his cell number?). The Dean grabs Marissa in the way that Ray used to grab Donna. Ryan goes old-school Ryan Atwood on the Dean and punches him in the nose. The acoustic version of 'California' plays as Seth and Summer watch helplessly as Ryan and Marissa leave the carnival. Someone let Seth off the ride before he throws up!

I must say, that was a good episode! Maybe this will be a good season. Dean Hess may be a cliché of a character, but he still seems like a good foil for our heroes. And the Jimmy and Julie storyline has potential. And, even though we all know that SWF is crazy, we don't know just how crazy she might be. I'm actually a bit excited. I may need to clean my desk chair. Wow, that was gross.

And, I think I've shaken off the rust and recaptured the spirit that made Mike's Weekly OC Emails such a fun way to start your Friday mornings! What do you think?

Now, for some announcements:

1) I refuse to joke about the PSA that they showed after this episode encouraging people to donate to Hurricane Katrina relief. If you haven't already, please donate money, food, toys, or time to help out. Seriously, take the money you earned while reading this and donate it to the Red Cross or any other worthwhile charity.
2) Don't forget to find me on Friendster. And feel free to reply to the Weekly Emails with feedback, comments, or questions.
3) Please forward the Weekly Emails to your friends and encourage them to get signed up by emailing me!

That's all for now. Have a great weekend. I'm glad we could share our last Kick-Off Carnival together. I'm going to put this Weekly Email in my scrapbook.