Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Ok. I'm on as another name because I'm too embarassed to say this as myself. My FH is making me miserable. He has been so mean to me lately. He calls me horrible names and disrespects my family terribly by saying they're cheap (which they're not, they're just not rich). They are giving us everything they possibly can to help us out with this wedding. He constantly talks badly about my sister who has done everything she can for me. Today I was so excited. My BP got me a day at the Spa for my shower. I just made the appt and called FH to tell him. He freaked out. He thinks it is so wrong of them to get me this and not something for him/our apt. He then says he's going to give my sis a piece of his mind. He then went on about how it was messed up that my mother didn't pay for the whole shower and how the BP shouldn't have had to chip in for it. Now I always thought the BP paid for the Shower. That was one of the first times he called my parents cheap. Then he starts going on about how my BP is chipping in for a party van for my Bach. Party. and how it's wrong to ask this of them, that they already spent so much. I told everyone if they didn't have the money I'd gladly give it to them. I'm just completely miserable today. He even said today that he's not going to show up for precana tomorrow or Sunday cause he's got something better to do and that I have to go alone. Um, I don't think he realizes tha the HAS to go. I'm so sad today. I think I want out of this wedding but I don't think I can do it. It's less than a month away.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

First and foremost I want to give you a whole bunch of
I think you really need to sit down and talk to him and find out what is really on his mind. Something about this wedding is bothering him and he's taking his frustrations out on you and your family. He may just have a serious case of cold feet and he's stressed. Either way, dont let this go unresolved. The last thing you want to do is start off your new marriage with unresolved issues. Good luck and if you ever need to talk, fm me.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Wow, ok….. first of all, I am SO sorry you’re dealing with this.

Secondly, you are wise in thinking there is something wrong. Red flags went up all over the place as I was reading your post. He’s got a severe case of foot in mouth disease!

You need to talk to him, and the sooner the better!!! Missing pre cana to “do something better” is a huge red flag, IMO.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I am so so so so sorry you are so upset. He should not be treating you like that. I agree with Jenn - sit him down and talk about everything. And trust your instincts.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

awww honey thats so terrible.

I agree with Diva, you have to find out whats up with him. He could be just nervous. I find I'm more stressed now than ever because its so close. Find out whats up - you don't deserve any of it. It should be the happiest time of your life, don't dare let him ruin it.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Here are my thoughts........wedding planning is an EXTREMELY stressful time in everybody's lives. Right now I'm literally not speaking with my Mom or stepdad---all over wedding stuff. If he has been loving and caring to you in the past during less stressful events and treats you like a queen most of the time.....then I would simply blame his actions on the upcoming wedding and the planning has just gotten to be too much for him to handle appropriately. HOWEVER, if he has exhibited this kind of behavior in the past, then maybe you do want to rethink your intentions of marriage. Everybody says hurtful things at one point or another and most of the time it works itself out.....but if it's a constant battle and he has said hurtful mean things before during arguments or at anytime, then maybe he's not the guy for you????? JMO. I would approach him about the comments and tell him that it's really bugging you, and see what he has to say. Then go from there. Remember...communication is key in any situation!!! Good luck

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

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Posted by Moosey911

Here are my thoughts........wedding planning is an EXTREMELY stressful time in everybody's lives. Right now I'm literally not speaking with my Mom or stepdad---all over wedding stuff. If he has been loving and caring to you in the past during less stressful events and treats you like a queen most of the time.....then I would simply blame his actions on the upcoming wedding and the planning has just gotten to be too much for him to handle appropriately. HOWEVER, if he has exhibited this kind of behavior in the past, then maybe you do want to rethink your intentions of marriage. Everybody says hurtful things at one point or another and most of the time it works itself out.....but if it's a constant battle and he has said hurtful mean things before during arguments or at anytime, then maybe he's not the guy for you????? JMO. I would approach him about the comments and tell him that it's really bugging you, and see what he has to say. Then go from there. Remember...communication is key in any situation!!! Good luck

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Great advise!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

As some said, he may be nervous. BUT if he had a hint of this mentality before now, it will only get worse when you are married. You don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life!

What the girls did for you is GREAT! Your shower is just that YOUR shower. All the people there were for YOU. It sounds like he is more annoyed by this than happy. Was he always like this and it just got worse? If it is sudden, he may have something on his mind. Maybe he wants you to bring it up so that he can get off of his chest whatever is bothering him.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. However, I echo what some of the other girls said--listen to your instincts! You already know in your heart whether this is a good or bad idea. Are these typical types of behaviors or attitudes from your significant other? If so, please think long and hard about if you're OK with that. He does seem to be freaking out a bit. Saying he has 'better things to do ' than go to precana is beyond inappropriate and hurtful. Thinking that your bm gift of the spa day (which is awesome, by the way) should have been something for him is selfish. Please please please have a very direct talk with him and find out what the h*ll is going on. BUT, it is not totally up to him! You can decide what is best for you!!!! Please let us know how you're doing in the mean time!!!!

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

for you.... I agree with what the other girls had to say. Let us know how things are going

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

He's just been pretty unbearable the past few weeks. I don't know if he's just trying to make me upset or what. I've been trying to get him to talk to me and he just hangs up or storms away. Then the next day he pretends nothing ever happened and we're back to wedding planning. Things were great before all the wedding planning but it makes me nervous that he reacts like this. What happnes when we have kids? Will he react this way towards them when he's really stressed? I'm so confused. I have to figure things out somehow.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

First,

Second, He may be just getting really annoyed and frustrated at the whole wedding planning thing. Men (my FI included) really don't have any idea what it takes to get a wedding off the ground, and all the expenses really scare them, and us too, however, we already knew.

I want to say that my FI sounds like a watered-down version of yours, he gets very frustrated with all the little details, expenses, budgets, who's doing what.......however, I KNOW that it's all wedding related, and we have discussed it openly.

Please don't get down on yourself or him, unless you truly know that he was that way before. I think the worst of us can really come out during this time, even though so many say it should be the happiest time for us....that's pure bull....

Good Luck to you...

To answer your second post, most men see a weddign as a big waste, well, at least mine does. Having a child or buying a house is not considered a 'luxury'. He may see the wedding as not as important as other things.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I agree with the others. You have to sit him down and talk to him about his words and actions.

Stress can make people react strangely and say bad thing, BUT the fact that he has something better to do than go to Pre-Cana to me means that this is more than wedding stress. JMHO

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Moosey911 gave you some great and sound advice! Trust your gut, you know yourself better than anyone else. It's not normal to storm off when you're trying to reason with him...he may be looking for an easy out...but weddings are so stressful that it's entirely possible he's not seeing the big picture.

How close is the wedding? How long have you been together? Are internal flags telling you to hold on? Address any and all issues now, because although it may be heartbreaking it's a lot better than going through with a marriage filled with uncertainty.

Pray...ask God to help you with clarity.

Good luck...I wish you the best!

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

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Posted by confusedbride2be

He's just been pretty unbearable the past few weeks. I don't know if he's just trying to make me upset or what. I've been trying to get him to talk to me and he just hangs up or storms away. Then the next day he pretends nothing ever happened and we're back to wedding planning. Things were great before all the wedding planning but it makes me nervous that he reacts like this. What happnes when we have kids? Will he react this way towards them when he's really stressed? I'm so confused. I have to figure things out somehow.

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Please dont take this as being mean, but I have to ask: What do YOU have to figure out? If there's anyone that needs figuring out, its him. His demeanor is not your fault. Dont try to put the blame on yourself when clearly he's the one looking for a fight. Have you questioned him after these outbursts or have you just kept quiet? If this is the case, then you really need to confront him on this. Just as you addressed your concerns with us, is what you need to be questioning him on. I can sense your hesitant about confronting him, but I cant see this situation getting any better after the wedding.

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

You have gotten some really great advice. I wanted to add- everyone is entitled to some bad days and mistakes, but this sounds like more than just acting out. I wish you luck!

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You really must speak with your FH about your concerns. A relationship can't function without good communication and if you are avoiding a confrontation at this stage you will have greater problems when you're married.

If his character has changed only lately and he was perfectly loving prior to wedding planning, then it looks like a case of nerves. I know that I have been nit-picking at my FH for the last few weeks and, knowing my own M.O. from previous experience, it's my way of testing his endurance.

Whether it's cold feet or something more complex, you will have to make him explain his behaviour, even if you're nervous about the outcome. Best of luck

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

There is so much I want to say as an outsider looking in but I think you already know. That really scares me that he can treat you and your family like that. I'm sorry but wedding planning should not be THAT stressful and if your FH 'handles' stress that way....absolutely not. What happens if kids come? Is he going to scream and belittle the children when he's stressed? They have a label for that and it's called being emotionally abusive. Its your job to stop that now. No one and I mean no one deserves to be treated like you are being treated. And NO ONE speaks about family like that. It's not okay, it's not right and the only job you have now is to stand up for yourself and confront him. The more he can get away with (it sounds like) the more he will keep pushing. Hon, I am really sorry you are going through this, I really am and my heart goes out to you but this man does not sound worthy of you. He does not sound worthy enough to be someone's husband and he does not sound worthy enough to be in someone's family. He's got some issues that he needs to figure out on his own instead of pushing them all out on you. That's not a relationship and that's definitely not a marriage. I see a lot of women in your position in my field and I see them years from now and I have to tell you, confront him now. Put yourself first in this and love yourself enough to know this man needs to grow the heck up before you will ever even consider the rest of your life with him. I will send you all the hugs and prayers possible