Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Original post by confusedbride2be

Aug 26, 2005 02:03 PM

Ok. I'm on as another name because I'm too embarassed to say this as myself. My FH is making me miserable. He has been so mean to me lately. He calls me horrible names and disrespects my family terribly by saying they're cheap (which they're not, they're just not rich). They are giving us everything they possibly can to help us out with this wedding. He constantly talks badly about my sister who has done everything she can for me. Today I was so excited. My BP got me a day at the Spa for my shower. I just made the appt and called FH to tell him. He freaked out. He thinks it is so wrong of them to get me this and not something for him/our apt. He then says he's going to give my sis a piece of his mind. He then went on about how it was messed up that my mother didn't pay for the whole shower and how the BP shouldn't have had to chip in for it. Now I always thought the BP paid for the Shower. That was one of the first times he called my parents cheap. Then he starts going on about how my BP is chipping in for a party van for my Bach. Party. and how it's wrong to ask this of them, that they already spent so much. I told everyone if they didn't have the money I'd gladly give it to them. I'm just completely miserable today. He even said today that he's not going to show up for precana tomorrow or Sunday cause he's got something better to do and that I have to go alone. Um, I don't think he realizes tha the HAS to go. I'm so sad today. I think I want out of this wedding but I don't think I can do it. It's less than a month away.

DMcK Posted: Aug 26, 2005 02:47 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I am so sorry you have to deal with this

You have been given a lot of great advice here. I sugges that you really look inside yourself. I think you know what is right and what you deserve. I hope that you will have the strength to make the right deicision, whatever it is that is right for you, and I wish you peace and happiness

February05 Posted: Aug 26, 2005 03:05 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

McSulllivan Posted: Aug 26, 2005 03:14 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

That's just terrible.
I'm so sorry.
Definitely sit down and talk to him.
Go with your gut. Sometimes that's the best indication of what's going on. You don't want to make a knee jerk reaction, but you do want to sit and think about it. This is the rest of your life.
You're in my thoughts!!

jpavig Posted: Aug 26, 2005 03:33 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I can't top the advice you've already gotten here. So here are some hugs.

littlebookworm4 Posted: Aug 26, 2005 03:51 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I am so sorry you're going through this right now. Like some of the others mentioned maybe he just has cold feet or soemthing else is getting to him. He hasn't treated you like this before right? I would definietly have a sit down with him and try to find out what's going on. We're all here if you need to talk!!!

PinkSoil Posted: Aug 26, 2005 04:04 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I am SO sorry that you are going through this... Upcoming wedding stress people out in many different ways.... the stress can manifest differently from person to person.... Some people show it through anxiety, some through being withdrawn, and unfortunately, some by fighting. Has he just started this recently or has it been going on for some time now? Sit down with him and have a long talk before you make any final decisions. I can say from experience, as many of the other girls have said, upcoming weddings cause stress.... Due to the upcoming wedding and myself being unemployed, FH and I have gone through some rocky moments... Sometimes we are guilty of taking things out on each other... Basically what I'm trying to say is find out the root of the problem... It might be just stress or it might be more than that. Definitely talk to him though. I hope everything works out for you.

DAVALJO2 Posted: Aug 26, 2005 04:27 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

the only good advice i can give to you, is to pray about it. Whenever in doubt i call on God. You'll be suprised of how things turn around.

cjik Posted: Aug 26, 2005 05:47 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others, you really need to have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him what bothers you about his comments. Then see how he reacts.

I'm sorry to say this, but I find it a bad sign that he is not willing to talk to you afterwards and doesn't seem to recognize his bad behavior. Everyone gets hot under the collar sometimes and says things they regret, but he should recognize this and apologize.

Though it's difficult and the invites are out, etc., I would seriously consider at least postponing the wedding if this was me, if not cancelling it outright. Take it from another bride who almost married the wrong guy a long time ago--you don't want to go through with this if you have serious doubts about your groom after your talk.

wendy1220 Posted: Aug 26, 2005 06:32 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

First of all, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. I can only imagine how you are feeling and how difficult this all is for you. If I may, I have to say that there are a few things you mention that are a bit alarming. I can understand that wedding planning is stressful and there are time when we all loose our cool and say some rotten things However, the way he his handling this is completely inappropriate and forgive me for saying so, emotionally and verbally abusive. I will not go on and on here but please think about this before you move forward. Trust your gut; if it's telling you that something is incorrect, then pay attention and trust your instincts. Him saying mean hurtful things to you and finding fault with your friends and family is a red flag for you to pay attention to. Does he ever have a problem with you socializing with your friends or spending time with your family? Another thing for you to think about is how he behaves this way one day then the next day acts as though it never happened and you resume wedding planning. Is this how he handles things all the time? If so, I'm sure you find yourself a little nervous not knowing when the next time he's going to blow up will be.

Good luck and all the best to you
If you'd like to talk more, please feel free to fm me.

bluesashbride Posted: Aug 26, 2005 06:44 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

You've gotten a lot of great advice. All I can think of is that the name calling is a red flag to me. No matter how stressed, no reason to go there, I would be reconsidering too.

Bella Blu Posted: Aug 26, 2005 06:51 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

First of all....

You've gotten lots of great advice.....especially what I read from jimmysgrl, DavalJo2 and Wendy1220. Please follow your gut. What you describe is disrespectful and abusive. What separates the men from the boys is how they choose do deal with their emotions when something is bothering them. It should not be dealt with by being childish, selfish and resorting to name-calling and not showing up for things as important as Pre-Cana. What would happen if he doesn't show up and your church feels that you are not adequately prepared to be married. Can they decide not to bless your marriage?
You DEFINETELY need to sit with him immediately and at a time when everything seems 'OK' with him and have a very DIRECT talk with him. I'm talking like this should have happened YESTERDAY. You're talking about the rest of your life here. You don't want to walk down the aisle on your wedding day with ANY sort of doubts.
Please keep us posted.

Edited for spelling

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Aug 26, 2005 09:17 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if he is treating you as badly as you say, I would RUN, not walk...and find someone who treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.

Stress or no stress, this is no way to treat the woman you love.

You'll be in my thoughts

JLP Posted: Aug 26, 2005 09:42 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

If he skips pre-cana, the decision to postpone/cancel will likely be made for you at this late date. If the depth of his commitment is such that he skips pre-cana, he should not commit to marriage.

May God give you the strength to see clearly and do what is right.

You deserve better. Your LIW friends are all here for you.

Love_my_Freddybear Posted: Aug 26, 2005 10:21 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

Posted by The Original 2nd-time-around

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if he is treating you as badly as you say, I would RUN, not walk...and find someone who treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.

Stress or no stress, this is no way to treat the woman you love.

You'll be in my thoughts

I couldn't agree more. Personally I think it's more to it that you are letting on. You know him very well. And if he was totally acting out of character now, then you would know it was just the planning of the wedding. I think there are other things that you don't like and it's giving you second thought. Sweetheart, don't settle. If you settle for less, than less is what you are going to get.
I called off my wedding in 2001, one month before I was to walk down the isle. Calling it off was hard, walking down the isle would have been easier, but I would be one miserable women right now. Yes, I lost alot of money, but my happiness is PRICELESS!!!
Calling the wedding off was by far, the best thing I could have ever done!!! And here I am 4 years later!!! This time it's right! Had I settled, I would have never of met the most wonderful man in the world.
This is just my story. Don't let it encourage your decision. You have to do what is going to make you happy in the long run. Remember the wedding only last for a couple of hours........... the marriage is forever!!!! You have to be sure of what you decide. Either one will be hard!!!! But you will get through it! Let God in your heart, he will guide you !!!!!

ckgmwedding Posted: Aug 26, 2005 10:39 PM

Re: Anyone think they're making a huge mistake????

There are lots of us on this board who felt the way you did at one time and walked away. I know this is tough, but I don't see this as stress. I see this as someone you are not ready to make a commitment to at this point. Having been there once, I remember how scared and alone I felt.

If you need to FM and share more than you are comfortable doing on here- please do and I promise to listen.