anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

snowcat Posted: Oct 09, 2007 09:13 PM

anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

On of my bridesmaids has been nothing but issues...everything has been a problem for her- we couldn't do the shower certain weekends bc it wasn't good for her- she gave my other girls an issue about the place bc of $$, she didn't like the dress I picked out bc she wanted something cheaper (the dress was 150$), and now one of my other bms just told me we can't do the bachlorette party on a saturday bc she has to do a run the next day, so we have to do it on friday (and I have 4 girls coming from out of state)- and now, she won't pay for the limo- she said she will drive and meet us at the place....ggrrrr! Not like I need a limo and everything- but it is just one thing after another! Oh, and she won't be able to make it to the rehersal bc she has class...I understand she's still in school, but I gave her two years notice- I know law school is tough, but can't she talk to her professor and leave a bit early, if she doesn't miss any other classes? Oh, and she gave me a really hard time about having her hair done and refuses to get her make up done.

I'm sorry to vent...please tell me if I'm being unreasonable- I know when you're in law school $$ can be tight...but then why did she accept to be in my bp? I just feel hurt that every single wedding related thing has been an issue with her- it's to the point that I don't know if I even want to be friends with her after the wedding- everything is a problem for her! Anyone else having issues?

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Oct 09, 2007 09:30 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

Im sorry she is stressing you. I totaly agree that when you agree to be in a birdal party you need to expect some financial responsibilities.

SoontobeMrsMc Posted: Oct 09, 2007 10:14 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Unfortunately, I think a lot of girls except the responsibility of being part of a BP without actually realizing their role and duties. The sad fact is that it sometimes takes situations like this for you to realize who someone truly is. I would hate to see your friendship be effected over this.... Have you tried to sit down and talk to her? Maybe you can ask her to meet you for lunch (just the two of you) and you can explain how you're feeling. Tell her all the reasons why you chose her to be part of things and why you're feeling so upset. If she has never been married or been in a wedding party before- she may not even realize how poorly she is behaving.

However, if you have talked to her calmly and things are still as they are- then you might have to ask her to step down from the role. But I can't see her taking that well- you are taking a big chance with your friendship. Hope everything works out!

Yofei18 Posted: Oct 09, 2007 10:29 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Unfortunately, I think a lot of girls except the responsibility of being part of a BP without actually realizing their role and duties. The sad fact is that it sometimes takes situations like this for you to realize who someone truly is. I would hate to see your friendship be effected over this.... Have you tried to sit down and talk to her? Maybe you can ask her to meet you for lunch (just the two of you) and you can explain how you're feeling. Tell her all the reasons why you chose her to be part of things and why you're feeling so upset. If she has never been married or been in a wedding party before- she may not even realize how poorly she is behaving.

However, if you have talked to her calmly and things are still as they are- then you might have to ask her to step down from the role. But I can't see her taking that well- you are taking a big chance with your friendship. Hope everything works out!

Totally agree.. talk to HER!!! let her know how you feel. I was in same situation.. BM would constantly give me excuses until one day i called her and let her know how i felt and that straight out that if she cant make it or cant handle the things that need to be done than she should let me know.. i told her i still loved her and never want to lose our friendship but I cant deal with her schedule cause my schedule is just as IMPORTANT!.and i told her that i will understand her decision.....seriosuly this is what i said.. i think she was taken aback of how strong i was, and actually apologized for her behavior and after me being engaged for 6 months now.. last weekend was the first time she made an effort to come and see me.

Cacarina Posted: Oct 09, 2007 10:38 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

OMG, she sounds awful! I haven't asked any BMs yet, but when I do, I will do it with a disclaimer...warning you WILL have responsibilities and have to actually spend money if you are going to be in my bridal party. My SIL went through the same issues you are having now with one of her BMS. Now she doesn't talk to her...sad.

kellyannebrennan Posted: Oct 09, 2007 11:05 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

%100 agree with you. Maybe one thing would have been a 'legitimate' gripe if she's footing the bill for lawschool herself, but EVERYTHING? She accepted the request to become a BM.... no one said it was easy!! Tell her you totally understand and it would probably be better if she concentrated on law school.

SugaBeans Posted: Oct 09, 2007 11:14 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

YES ~enough said

SusiBtoM Posted: Oct 10, 2007 09:12 AM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

You are moving the date of YOUR bachelorette party to accomodate only ONE BM ?
No way.

Other posters have given you advice, so I don't need to reiterate it..
But seriously, moving your B-party after having to shuffle dates for YOUR shower.

mariaobride Posted: Oct 10, 2007 10:06 AM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

I agree with the other girls you should confront her in a nice way. I think you have been really fair especially since you gave a 2 year notice in advance. Politely ask her if she wants to be a part of the BP. Your other BM's don't seem to have a problem with anything why should you accomodat e her for everything, I think you compromised enough and now it is up to her to start playing the role of a BM.

LittlePup34 Posted: Oct 10, 2007 10:33 AM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

when you ask someone to be in your bridal party they should be fully aware that it is an expense and if they cant do it they should of just declined or backed out. You are the bride its whatever u want !!!!!!

bluegreen08 Posted: Oct 10, 2007 10:38 AM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

As a law student.... that still *****. Yes law school is stressful and expensive, and I didn't miss a single class my first semester, but generally you CAN miss class if you have to (you just have to make sure to get good notes from someone and catch up). Money might be very tight and again I would understand why she is trying to cut corners to save money (doing her hair herself, driving herself, etc) because it might free up money to allow her to do other things like buy her dress, etc.

However, there ARE financial responsibilities associated with being in the bridal party, and if it's too tough for her and/or it's just making things more stressful for YOU, maybe gracefully giving her an out would be the best option. The BP is ideally supposed to make things EASIER for you! Who knows, maybe she's regretting saying yes because she can't afford it but is trying to scrimp so that she can? Or, maybe her priorities are elsewhere and she just can't be a good BM at this point in her life...

sweetdreamz1181 Posted: Oct 10, 2007 12:25 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

i wouldnt change your bach party just for her.... its your wedding not hers or anyone else in your BP.... you do everything when you want and how you want and if someone doesnt like it Too Bad!!!!!

Lemons Posted: Oct 10, 2007 01:25 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

I am sorry to say I know what you mean. I hate to say it but I can't wait until my wedding day comes and goes because I do NOT want anything to do with her anymore....the saddest part is she is family!

snowcat Posted: Oct 10, 2007 07:55 PM

Re: anyone wish they didn't ask someone to be in their bp?

Thanks for all your advice girls...the worse thing is, I have already spoken to her twice...once in Feb., and once a month ago- saying that I understand she's under a lot of stress and has obligations w. law school, and if she didn't feel she spare the time/money for being a bridesmaid, that I would totally understand and give her $$ back for the dress she bought- I told her law school was more important than a wedding and I wanted her to still attend the wedding- I didn't want it to hurt our friendship...and both times she said she really wanted to be in the bridal party! So short of telling her to take a hike, I don't know what to do! I'll prob. just deal with it- it's too close to the wedding for drama.

Thanks for all of your advice though, and hugs...people stink sometimes :(

It's just good to vent...