Anyone you DON'T want in your pictures?

I'm an idiot I know - I shared my feelings on this tonight with FH and I'm sure he's not too happy with me. His oldest brother's wife hates me very much and does anything she can to make me feel excluded from the family or to make me not like FH. FH refuses to see it.

Well, at their wedding in 2004 they didn't have a professional photographer, but they did have cameras on the tables and the families on both sides took pics... there was a lovely one of FH's younger brother and his girlfriend of a few months at that time. However, I was excluded from any and all pictures... yep, FH and I were already engaged and living together but it was one more way I feel I was tossed aside like the 'red headed step child'. FH thinks this is all in my head.

So I told him tonight that his SIL should not be included in any of the pics at our wedding. He told me to leave his brother out of it and looked really hurt and frustrated with me, but said he wasn't upset. Then a few weeks from now when I'm writing b/c FH wants to put off the wedding and doesn't feel ready or excited you can all tell me that I should really keep my big trap shut and keep my feelings to myself.

Can you do this though? Can you pick and choose with your photographer who you don't really need to remember was at your special day? I'm sure almost everyone has that one or 2 people who they wish they never had to see again, but nontheless are obligated to invite them to their wedding. Do people even have photos of the wives/husbands of the bride/grooms sibblings? Obviously in most cases you have to have the sibblings themselves, but there are a few people who will be at my wedding who's mug's definitely won't make it into the wedding album of the fond memories I want for my day. If I could - I'd have one or 2 BP photos and 100 or so FH and I photos and that's it... I know - I'm selfish and we should probably just elope b/c I can find an issue with almost everyone on his side. I'm bad, I know it!

Of course you can say who is NOT in your pics! My aunt is a supreme beoch and I told the photographer when we met with him the other day that I do not want any pics of her taken!

She did it to my mother when my cousin got married!

honestly, i think you should lighten up a little bit. did they puposely exclude you from pics at their wedding? it sounds like the situation there was different because they didn't have a pro photographer, so it was whatever pics the guests wanted to take... i don't think they went around telling all the other guests not to take pictures of you... its ounds like you could have asked someone to take a pic of your FH and you if you wanted one...
the way i see it, life is WAAY too short to hold grudges or to be petty. like it or not, shes part of the family and your ILs will want her in the pics of their side of the family.... so just let the photographer take the pics and just don't order one of those for the album....

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Posted by wendyz06

Although my natural instincts are similar to yours, I think you need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Its easier to just toss the proofs and not chose pics with her for your album than tell your photographer to avoid pics of her and fight with your FH. Try not to let this get between you and your FH - but I know where your coming from.

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I agree.

I hate my aunt and don't want her in any pics. But so as not to cause a huge scene and thus start a big family fight, I am going to only have her in a select few family shots. I am going to ask her to be there before the ceremony later than everyone else and have already taken shots without her. Honestly, I am hoping that she just doesn't come at all
I am sure this isn't the most mature way to handle this...b/c what I really want to do is not invite her at all!!! Family...they can make you crazy

I think purposely excluding her would be a bad idea, and cause hurt feelings, making the situation worse. Besides, just because a picture is taken, doesn't mean that shot has to get into your album...that's what rejected proofs are for!

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Posted by lrs2005

i would make a list of people for group shots and do different groupings. Have her in one or two professional photos. They do not have to be in your album, but I would do it to be the bigger person.

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ditto, plus I dont think its worth putting any tension between you and your FBIL and especially you and your FH.

I agree with the other girls. There are always people you have to invite that you may not want there, but to purposely exclude them from pictures, especially if the very idea upsets your FH that much, is not the battle you want to choose.

I totally understand how you feel, I had a very poor relationship with my late grandparents, and did not want them remembered or mentioned on our wedding day. However, when it came right down to it, I wanted to remember my other set of grandparents, and I knew that it would create a LOT of drama with family and friends if I made rememberance of my Dad's parents and not my Mom's. So all four names went on the memorial list.

Have her be in a few pictures - you don't have to keep those pictures/proofs. Hey, you could even GIVE her those proofs as a present!!