Are any of you not going to work after you get married or have kids? And how does your FH feel about this?
hbradio
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
We are not planning to have kids for a few years, but FH doesnt want me to work when we have them. I am going to work PT when they attend school. This is fine with me!
Backinneyork
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
I WISH I didn't have to work after we get married!! How nice would that be?
If we can afford it, I won't go back to work after I have kids, or try to work part time. But that's a big IF.
shamrock12472
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Luckly, we are in a position where I could stay home if I wanted to. Right now, I choose to work and enjoy it. After children, I'm undecided. We'll see how I feel. I would like to go back to school to earn my master's in teaching and do a career change. If that were the case, I would work. Right now, were are just TTC.
nylibride
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Oddly, we were just talking about this last night. I can't wait to have kids, but I also know I'll be returning to work. Or that's what I think right now before actually having kids. After college, 6 yrs of grad school, 3 yrs of post-docs, I think I'd want to shoot myself if I didn't go back. Fh would prefer I stay home, but he's very clear on my opinion too.
I think it's very hard to make this decision before actually having kids. I think we may all 'think' we know what we want to do, but until you're in the situation, I guess you can't truly know what you will do.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
This is a topic I am especially torn about!
I am an attorney...Part of me feels like hey, I went to school and worked my *** of for 3 extra years, how can I just put the career I have wanted since at least high school aside and be a FT Mom?
The other part of me says...how can you miss those important years by being at work?
Then there are financial concerns on top of that!
Also, it can be hard to be a female attorney...a lot of times when people hear my voice on the phone they assume I am a secretary since I am female...it is hard! It is not a career you can just leave and come back to (at least from what I have seen so far)...and sometimes I don't want to give up on it...but I absolutely 100% want to have kids....
UGH!!!!
leighdvm
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
If we decide to move out of NY, I probably want to be home for a few years to raise my children. If we stay on LI, I will be working until the day I die!!
SomethingBlu
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
I wish I could afford to, but can't. I make slightly more than FH and we need our income to survive. But it would be great to be a stay at home Mom!
QueensBride
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
I am actually going to stop working before I get married. I plan on stopping in about 2 months. I just got a good sized settlement and can afford to stay home now. I did get it a few months ago and said 'what am I gonna do all day', well I am so sick of working here that I really don't care as long as I am not here!!!! After we get married we will be financially secure and I plan on having a baby right away, God willing
shamrock12472
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
This is a topic I am especially torn about!
I am an attorney...Part of me feels like hey, I went to school and worked my *** of for 3 extra years, how can I just put the career I have wanted since at least high school aside and be a FT Mom?
The other part of me says...how can you miss those important years by being at work?
Then there are financial concerns on top of that!
Also, it can be hard to be a female attorney...a lot of times when people hear my voice on the phone they assume I am a secretary since I am female...it is hard! It is not a career you can just leave and come back to (at least from what I have seen so far)...and sometimes I don't want to give up on it...but I absolutely 100% want to have kids....
UGH!!!!
I completely agree with you. I am a highly educated female in the Finance industry and have found it more difficult since I am female. I thought it was just me for awhile. It is a shame that such stereotypes persist.
pickles16
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
I'm torn too....I'm a very goal and career oriented person, I haven't worked this hard to climb up the ladder to just let it fall to the waist side...I'm also the type of person that can't sit at home and do nothing, I might seriously kill myself or someone else if I did...but when I have kids that is the question. I can't imagine myself staying home and not going back to work, and FH refuses to let his children be raised by a stranger....both our sets of parents are still young and aren't retiring anytime soon. We want to wait a few years before we get married, but I know that will only make it worse for me career wise....of course FH thinks that I won't be able to leave my kids when he states that I couldn't let me new puppy stay at home alone when we first got her, which is sadly true.....
jantany26
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Well from personal experience i can tell you that when you have kids, you life changes drastically. I had my baby four months ago and honestly i can't see myself leaving her and going back to work. Yeah it is tough, since my husband is the only one working but is the sacrifice that we are willing to make for me to take care of her. I haven't finished school yet but I know i will eventually finish and i could hopefully be with her until she is old enough to start school. Trust me, your priorities change a lot. I still want a career but my baby is more important right now.
heidla
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
I was asked this a lot by patrons at the bar. Since getting married I have continued to work, but I am not sure what will happen when we have children. It will all depend on our financal situation. No matter what I will continue to audition, but working in the bar till 4am , not sure.
Thumballina
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
We've discussed this and unless we move out of NY its not happening...
I want to stay home and raise my children bc thats what my mom did...but situations were different back then...
akaMrsT
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Posted by shamrock12472
Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
This is a topic I am especially torn about!
I am an attorney...Part of me feels like hey, I went to school and worked my *** of for 3 extra years, how can I just put the career I have wanted since at least high school aside and be a FT Mom?
The other part of me says...how can you miss those important years by being at work?
Then there are financial concerns on top of that!
Also, it can be hard to be a female attorney...a lot of times when people hear my voice on the phone they assume I am a secretary since I am female...it is hard! It is not a career you can just leave and come back to (at least from what I have seen so far)...and sometimes I don't want to give up on it...but I absolutely 100% want to have kids....
UGH!!!!
I'm in the same boat (including being thought of as the secretary).
FI wants me to stay home for at least the first 6 months since he does not want to leave our child with strangers. We just talked about this over the holidays since his nephew is married with a child and his wife stays at home (at his insistence). They are in a different boat (struggling financially) but he did not want her to work while their baby is so young.
Depending on the money situation, I may stay home for a few months if I can take a leave of absence.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Also, it makes me INSANE that this is not even something the FH's really have to think/worry about. It is seriously something I think about a great deal and it is not even an issue for men...no one bothers them about needing to stay home or being a bad father....
so unfair!
nylibride
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
Also, it makes me INSANE that this is not even something the FH's really have to think/worry about. It is seriously something I think about a great deal and it is not even an issue for men...no one bothers them about needing to stay home or being a bad father....
so unfair!
you took the words right out of my mouth....
CubanBride
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Nope. I will be a working mom by choice. And I dont think it makes you a better or worse mom.
I know I wouldn't be happy being a stay at home mom.
We are not planning to have kids for a few years, but FH doesnt want me to work when we have them. I am going to work PT when they attend school. This is fine with me!
That is my plan too except I want to have kids about a year after I am married.
jesslangen
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Re: Are any brides doing this?
Once we are married I will go back to work for a few years to get our financial situation back in line. Once we are comfortable again I will become pregnant. When it is time to take maternity leave I will most likely take more than just the 8 weeks offered. Maybe work a little part time, but definitely not full time.
