Are you a 2nd wife?

i'm not a second wife but i sympathize with your situation.

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Posted by amandah75

She's met me for all of 1 minute in these past 3 years and has said some not so nice things about me to her son who is only 5. Think she would love nothing more than to drive me away so she can control FH again, but I'm not going anywhere.

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Good for you! You know, its funny, because I'm sure my son's father could give you an earlful about ME, lol! He and I have no relationship whatsoever. I talk to him only when I have to. Its the only way to avoid any issues. The one thing I always promised myself; I will never talk bad about my son's father or his fiance to my son, regardless of how I feel. I don't want him to grow up and resent me for things I've said. Once my son gets older, he can form his own opinions.

Yes, my family has definitely opened their arms to FH and his son. My brothers refer to him as their nephew and my niece calls him her cousin. They actually used to call each other brother and sister so we had to explain that situation to them. When FHs son told the ex that my niece was his cousin she flipped and told him we weren't his family and that we were just his friends. He told this to my niece who got SO upset. We had to intervene on that one and tell her that he was her cousin and that his mommy had made a mistake (a late night phone call was also made to ex who said she wasn't thinking when she made the comment). A year later my niece stills brings up the fact that the ex said that. It's really sad. You'd think after almost 3 years things would have gotten better.

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Posted by FutureMrsF2010

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Posted by amandah75

She's met me for all of 1 minute in these past 3 years and has said some not so nice things about me to her son who is only 5. Think she would love nothing more than to drive me away so she can control FH again, but I'm not going anywhere.

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Good for you! You know, its funny, because I'm sure my son's father could give you an earlful about ME, lol! He and I have no relationship whatsoever. I talk to him only when I have to. Its the only way to avoid any issues. The one thing I always promised myself; I will never talk bad about my son's father or his fiance to my son, regardless of how I feel. I don't want him to grow up and resent me for things I've said. Once my son gets older, he can form his own opinions.

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Yeah, after a while FH learned that they got along better when they just didn't speak unless it was about their son. FH makes it a point to not say anything nasty about the ex and I'm always very supportive whenever he talks about her. We both know that she does not do the same. And like you said, she's setting herself up for a lifetime of his resentment if she continues on that path. Children aren't stupid. They see and hear what's what.

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Posted by shortiroc127

I'm in the same situation as you guys. Not a second 'wife' but I have to deal with the baby mama drama. FH's daughter is 12 and we've been dating since she was 4. It's been rough. Her mother to this day only knows my phone number when it's to call me screaming or when she wants me to do a favor. His daughter notices this, and it's hard. You know the first thing she told her daughter, when she found out we were getting married....'You don't have to call her mom you know' I told her, I always just assumed you'd call me Jess for the rest of your life, but really you can call me anything you want. It's up to you.

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FH won't give ex my number nor is she allowed at the house. It's better this way.

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Posted by amandah75

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Posted by shortiroc127

I'm in the same situation as you guys. Not a second 'wife' but I have to deal with the baby mama drama. FH's daughter is 12 and we've been dating since she was 4. It's been rough. Her mother to this day only knows my phone number when it's to call me screaming or when she wants me to do a favor. His daughter notices this, and it's hard. You know the first thing she told her daughter, when she found out we were getting married....'You don't have to call her mom you know' I told her, I always just assumed you'd call me Jess for the rest of your life, but really you can call me anything you want. It's up to you.

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FH won't give ex my number nor is she allowed at the house. It's better this way.

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it used to be like that with us...she was psycho so we didnt know what she would do. she used to call him and if we were out somewhere she would say shes coming up there lol
i guess i cant complain too much cuz its better but it does suck that she will ALWAYS be there. should be super interesting when we have a kid

Isn't it always about money?? I'm waiting for the day she says something how we're planning a wedding, why can't she have more money. Wait till she sees I got a new car! I told my FSIL and MOH that right now her one job is to keep the other one off my back. LOL.

I do wish it were normal though. Maybe it's just me. I feel like after this long we should have a somewhat civil relationship, but what can I do? Maybe one day she'll get married, and leave us alone

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Posted by CloudNine

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Posted by amandah75

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Posted by shortiroc127

I'm in the same situation as you guys. Not a second 'wife' but I have to deal with the baby mama drama. FH's daughter is 12 and we've been dating since she was 4. It's been rough. Her mother to this day only knows my phone number when it's to call me screaming or when she wants me to do a favor. His daughter notices this, and it's hard. You know the first thing she told her daughter, when she found out we were getting married....'You don't have to call her mom you know' I told her, I always just assumed you'd call me Jess for the rest of your life, but really you can call me anything you want. It's up to you.

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FH won't give ex my number nor is she allowed at the house. It's better this way.

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it used to be like that with us...she was psycho so we didnt know what she would do. she used to call him and if we were out somewhere she would say shes coming up there lol
i guess i cant complain too much cuz its better but it does suck that she will ALWAYS be there. should be super interesting when we have a kid

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Yeah, think that's my biggest issue...she'll always be there. She is such a poison. Our biggest issue is she still feels that FH is 'hers' because of their son. Yes, they do have that connection, but she refuses to recognize the boundaries that FH has been trying to set. Like calls at 3am on a Thursday night (we have him every Thursday) looking for her child support, which isn't due until Friday. Calls at 6am complaining because she can't get their son to listen to her and put his clothes on......the list goes on and on.

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Posted by amandah75
Yeah, think that's my biggest issue...she'll always be there. She is such a poison.

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That's what I tell my friends, she calls her lawyer about money. She feels he gave her cancer. She wants him to give a new car on and on.

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Posted by shortiroc127

Isn't it always about money?? I'm waiting for the day she says something how we're planning a wedding, why can't she have more money. Wait till she sees I got a new car! I told my FSIL and MOH that right now her one job is to keep the other one off my back. LOL.

I do wish it were normal though. Maybe it's just me. I feel like after this long we should have a somewhat civil relationship, but what can I do? Maybe one day she'll get married, and leave us alone

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Yes, it is always about money. It's never enough. NYS is ridiculous....we have him 50% of the time but because she refuses to get anything more than a part-time job, FH has to fork over a LOT of money.....more than anyone I have ever met. It's draining financially and emotionally. If we were guaranteed that all that money went to the son, we'd be fine. But we know it doesn't....not at all. If it did, why would she need money at 3am when she doesn't even have him?

So glad I'm not alone in this. If I think FH is wrong in things, I call him on it. I wouldn't be with someone that didn't take care of his responsibilities. I just feel that a lot of father's take a lot of flack when they are really good people.

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Posted by amandah75

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Posted by shortiroc127

Isn't it always about money?? I'm waiting for the day she says something how we're planning a wedding, why can't she have more money. Wait till she sees I got a new car! I told my FSIL and MOH that right now her one job is to keep the other one off my back. LOL.

I do wish it were normal though. Maybe it's just me. I feel like after this long we should have a somewhat civil relationship, but what can I do? Maybe one day she'll get married, and leave us alone

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Yes, it is always about money. It's never enough. NYS is ridiculous....we have him 50% of the time but because she refuses to get anything more than a part-time job, FH has to fork over a LOT of money.....more than anyone I have ever met. It's draining financially and emotionally. If we were guaranteed that all that money went to the son, we'd be fine. But we know it doesn't....not at all. If it did, why would she need money at 3am when she doesn't even have him?

So glad I'm not alone in this. If I think FH is wrong in things, I call him on it. I wouldn't be with someone that didn't take care of his responsibilities. I just feel that a lot of father's take a lot of flack when they are really good people.

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i agree.

Thanks