My FH and I just got in a fight about this. I was going to change my name but then I just woke up one day and it hit me. I don't want to change my name- I've had it my whole life. Plus, I hate his name. He has a very ethnic name and neither of us are that ethnicity (he's adopted). I tried to get him to change his name to a combination of our names but he wouldn't budge. He says that the entire wedding rpocess is for me and the one thing he asks is that I take his name. (I have to admit, up until this point, he's given me everything I asked for in reference to the wedding) What are you girls doing?
mrsgtobe
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by Preshy7
us having the same name symbolizes us as a family and as one unit, which is what i am looking forward to most.
I agree! When FH and I get married, we are joining together as one. Having the same last name signifies that. I don't see taking FH's name as losing my identity, not at all!! I will still be the same person I was the day before I take FH's last name. My name is just one of very, very many ways that I identify myself, so I'm not stressing over becoming 'Mrs. G' at all.
tann22
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Yeap I'm taking his name. I think he'd be upset if I didn't.
KellyBride
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Re: Are you changing your name?
I appreciate this post - I posted something somewhat similiar on another thread the other day.
I do not want to hyphenate. I want to use my maiden name professionally only & my married name at all other times.
I am a psychologist & I want to keep my name at work & use FH name in 'real life'.
Example: If my maiden name is 'Maiden' & Married name will be 'SMITH' - Can I legally change it to Mrs. Kelly Maiden Smith? Then at work I just don't want them to use Smith, at work I want to just be Dr. Maiden.
How legally can I do it? Since my paycheck, retirement fund will all have to include my married name. I just want to not include my married name at my 2 jobs due to the nature of my position.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by Goldi1021
Posted by BKtoLI I did once date a guy whose last name was Hanna. I asked him if he would be offended if he married someone and they didn't take his last name. He said yes, and I said well I guess we're never getting married because there is no way I would have my name be Janna Hanna!!!
Anyone else thinking Julia Goolia?
YES that was totally my thought!
csui25
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Nope, not at all. I have had my name forever (lol), why would I change it juts b/c I get married. What helped was when I asked him how would he feel if the show was on the other foot and all of a sudden he just wakes up one day and has to take my last name. He agreed that he would feel funny about that, so now, even though he is not happy about it, he atleast understands.
Goldi1021
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by KellyBride
I appreciate this post - I posted something somewhat similiar on another thread the other day.
I do not want to hyphenate. I want to use my maiden name professionally only & my married name at all other times.
I am a psychologist & I want to keep my name at work & use FH name in 'real life'.
Example: If my maiden name is 'Maiden' & Married name will be 'SMITH' - Can I legally change it to Mrs. Kelly Maiden Smith? Then at work I just don't want them to use Smith, at work I want to just be Dr. Maiden.
How legally can I do it? Since my paycheck, retirement fund will all have to include my married name. I just want to not include my married name at my 2 jobs due to the nature of my position.
There are special laws that deal with adding another name as opposed to changing a surname. I am not exactly sure how it works. It would probably be best to go to your town hall or whereever you get your marriage license. As I said in a previous post, I plan on ADDING my maiden name as a second middle name but CHANGING my surname to FH's. I will use FH's last name as mine and may never use my new middle name but that is my choice. I have no interest to hyphenate yet for some reason it is legally easier to do that than it is to ADD another name. Some people said I may have to go to court to prove that I have no intent to defraud - others say I don't. Not sure. I just want it all legal and not assumed.
leighdvm
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Re: Are you changing your name?
I'll be a little sad to, but I'm taking his.
BHW
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Posted by SexyEsq
He told me it is my decision. I looked into changing it, but b/c of my profession (lawyer) it is too much of a pain to change it on my license, so I'm keeping my name. Although if the procedure to change it professionally was not such a hassle a I would change it.
Do you practice in NY? One of the attorneys in my firm changed her name recently and she said that changing her name professionally was one of the easier name changing tasks. I didn't think the process involved much more than mailing in an affirmation to the department of the appellate division where you were sworn in. I am changing my name and this is what I plan to do after I get married.
EmberLynn
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by hotfemale767
Yes, you should take your FH last name, thats the tradition. You should feel honored that he is willing to let you use his name.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! he should feel honored she is marrying him! and like wise should she feel to him! the name is her choice and traditions can be and have been changed. I'm one who is happy to toss most traditions, espeically this one away!
EmberLynn
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by rosaria
Posted by Goldi1021
Posted by coopersmom
Posted by hotfemale767
Yes, you should take your FH last name, that's the tradition. You should feel honored that he is willing to let you use his name.
Why don't husbands take their wives names? Why must everything be 'tradition'? Why must the women be stripped of their identities because they get married. I will never understand this way of thinking. We are not our husband's properties and don't need NAME TAGS on us.
JMHO...lol
NOBODY can strip your identity if you don't want them to, If a name is the only thing that you use to identify yourself as a person, then to me, that is awfully sad. My identity, is a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, lady, teacher, friend, lover and wife to be. If by taking FH's last name (or him taking mine) strips me of that, then I really have issues. I could not allow myself to become someone's property because I am a strong woman as are my mother, my sisters, my aunts, my cousins, my friends and every other woman who took their husband's last names. They don't wear collars around their necks that say 'If lost please return to MY HUSBAND'. I don't consider myself to be a feminist but for crying out loud, far from passive. Geesh!
Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/QUOTE
I disagree. The traditional wedding ceremony anounces the bride and groom as Mr. and Mrs Jack William Smith. Its like say good bye to Lisa Anne Jones. She is Mrs. Jack William Smith. And their children will be 'Paul Smith, John Smith, Mary Smith, Sarah Smith, ETc..' Yes there is more to a woman th an her name, she is mother, sister, daughter, wife, friend, etc... But some woman take pride in being who they were before marriage. This is a personal choice and no one but the woman should make this choice, not his or her parents, the fh, her friends, his friends, or even tradition. If you want to take you FH name go for it, but by no means does it mean that a woman who keeps her name loves her FH any less! Or is less honored to be her FH wife.
VS11
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But some woman take pride in being who they were before marriage. -----------------------------------------------------
This is what I dont understand....a woman should not lose pride in who they are just because they are changing last names..........I take great pride in my last name...and will take pride in my new last name. Changing your last name does not change you as a person...
EmberLynn
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by rosaria
But some woman take pride in being who they were before marriage. -----------------------------------------------------
This is what I dont understand....a woman should not lose pride in who they are just because they are changing last names..........I take great pride in my last name...and will take pride in my new last name. Changing your last name does not change you as a person...
Some people feel that their last name fits with their idenity. I know I feel that way. I veiw taking my Fh name as if I were being forced to wear some stupid costume to appease my family, but I really hated it! Its not that I hate the costume, but the thought of pretty much being forced into it. I like my last name, and I feel it is a part of me that I refuse to give up. mind you not all women feel that way. Everyone feels differently. I will never knock a person for changing or keeping their name. Its your life, and no one should tell you how to live it!
Goldi1021
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Posted by EmberLynn
I disagree. The traditional wedding ceremony anounces the bride and groom as Mr. and Mrs Jack William Smith. Its like say good bye to Lisa Anne Jones. She is Mrs. Jack William Smith. And their children will be 'Paul Smith, John Smith, Mary Smith, Sarah Smith, ETc..' Yes there is more to a woman th an her name, she is mother, sister, daughter, wife, friend, etc... But some woman take pride in being who they were before marriage. This is a personal choice and no one but the woman should make this choice, not his or her parents, the fh, her friends, his friends, or even tradition. If you want to take you FH name go for it, but by no means does it mean that a woman who keeps her name loves her FH any less! Or is less honored to be her FH wife.
Nobody says that you HAVE to be announced at a wedding in the traditional way. If you don't want to, then tell your emcee what you want!
My point was, IMO, that a woman doesn't lose her identity or who SHE is because she takes another name. I am very proud of who I am now and marrying and taking FH's name WILL NOT EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME! Everything I accomplished thus far in my life I accomplished WITHOUT my fiance. I became a teacher BEFORE I knew him. I graduated from two colleges BEFORE I knew him. I lived independently on my own without financial assitance BEFORE I met him.
I certainly did not imply that a woman who takes her FH's name loves him any less. That is ludicrous. All I said was that a woman doesn't lose who SHE is whether she does or doesn't take a new name. AND it doesn't make ME any less of a woman, a submissive or a passive woman without a voice if I want to take HIS name. My mother was the strong personality in her marriage of 49 years and guess what? She had and will continue to use my father's last name until and unless she decides to remarry.
Soccer_Girl
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.
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EmberLynn
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Posted by coopersmom
previously written by another poster: If a name is the only thing that you use to identify yourself as a person, then to me, that is awfully sad.
____________________________________
It is not just the name that I use to identify who I am, but in this world when you make something of yourself professionally and then you change your name often your reputation doesn't follow you because you are now referred to with a different name. I will still consider myself.. as you said... a daughter, sister, aunt, etc... but to say that it 'is awfully sad' that a name connects you to who you are is pretty ridiculous.
This website is to help others...not get on others for what they feel is right... Why can't we just accept what everyone is going to do is right for them and not make judgments? Wouldn't that be nice and make our days a lot brighter?
I agree with you 100%! If you want to take your FH name go for it! But its not for everyone! And in all honesty if its not such a big deal for the woman to change her name, why don't more men take their FW names??? Obviously it means a LOT to them!
Goldi1021
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Re: Are you changing your name?
Posted by coopersmom
___________________________________
previously written by another poster: If a name is the only thing that you use to identify yourself as a person, then to me, that is awfully sad.
____________________________________
It is not just the name that I use to identify who I am, but in this world when you make something of yourself professionally and then you change your name often your reputation doesn't follow you because you are now referred to with a different name. I will still consider myself.. as you said... a daughter, sister, aunt, etc... but to say that it 'is awfully sad' that a name connects you to who you are is pretty ridiculous.
This website is to help others...not get on others for what they feel is right... Why can't we just accept what everyone is going to do is right for them and not make judgments? Wouldn't that be nice and make our days a lot brighter?
You quoted me correctly the first time. You did not the second time. Of course a name is PART of a person's identity. To me, it is not the entire definition of who a person is and that was the intent of my statement. To say otherwise would not be fair. However, what I said was:
'If a name is the ONLY thing that you use to identify yourself as a person, then to me, that is awfully sad.'
I did NOT say:
' that it 'is awfully sad' that a name connects you to who you are.'
There is a BIG difference between those two statements.
I do not profess to tell others what to do. What is right for one is not always right for everyone else. I do not pass judgement on those who stick their hand in a bag of Scrabble tiles and use the letters that come out. But I have just as much right to say that I will not and could not EVER lose my identity by taking the last name of my FH. Just as much as you all do by saying how YOU feel.
cindyandkevin
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I've always imagined that when I got married I would take my FH's last name, I don't think I'd want it any other way. I'm very proud of who I am today, and I'm also very proud and honored to take my FH's name. I can't wait, altho it does sound too cutesy like Marcy Darcy on Married w/Children!
We actually talked about it on our 1st date, I know it means a lot to him. I'm so happy to use his name, I got all giddy once when someone called me Mrs. FH. Besides, his ex-wife kept his name so it would be the same as their daughter's, so I sure as heck want to have it too!!
Nadia
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Posted by stephanief
I can't wait to be Mrs. D
same here
KerriSteve
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I have to admit I am a little scared of changing my name. I do kind of feel like I am losing part of myself. I'll only have my BA when we get married. When I get my Masters will it have to be in his name???
I'm so confused.
MrsP2Be
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I'm changing it. My FH may be the only male but his father has 2 brothers..and both brothers had 2 boys so I'm not worried about the name being passed down.
