ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIED LIFE
By Alison Salat
So you're in a relationship, and you're thinking about taking the plunge of all plunges -- marriage! How can you be sure, really sure, that you're making the right decision? Well, you can't. But we've come up with a list of issues to help you with the big questions. Read through them and see what you think.
Relationship
· You go to each other for advice, and you almost always come away feeling better about things.
· You are supportive of each other's decisions, even when they suck -- er, we mean, you just don't agree with them.
· You tell your honey when he or she has hurt you, instead of holding a grudge.
· You are generally able to resolve fights to your mutual satisfaction.
· You both know that relationships take work, and you are willing to go the distance.
· You respect, admire, listen to and just plain like each other, gosh darn it!
· You share enough of the same interests and friends that you don't feel like you are always on your own.
· You have similar spending/saving habits, or you've discussed how you'll each compromise to keep the peace.
· You have the same attitude about paying bills or debt management.
· You are aware of each other's total present debt, if any.
· You have discussed how you will merge your finances once you get married, and you are comfortable with the plan.
· You have told your honey about all your money and have no hidden nest eggs, 'just in case.'
· You have similar definitions of a 'comfortable' income, and similar or symbiotic income goals.
Sex
· Your sexual needs are compatible, and you are both satisfied with your lives between the sheets (on the kitchen table, in the shower, wherever).
· You are comfortable giving and taking sexual suggestions and requests.
· Birth control is something you consider a joint responsibility, and you have openly discussed your options and preferences.
· You use sex as a healthy and FUN expression of your LOVE, not as a way to gloss over problematic issues in your relationship, a weapon, or an easy way to solve disputes (without addressing the root of the argument).
· You've 'fessed up about your sexual past (at least most of it!) and had frank discussions about STDs and previous partners (or lack thereof).
Family
· You generally get along with each other's families (we're not talking about a sappy love fest, just general friendliness and goodwill), and if not, you've at least discussed to what extent they will play a role in your future family life.
· You are willing and prepared to regard each other as your most important familial relationship after you get married.
· You have similar religious beliefs or you have discussed how to incorporate religion into your future family.
· You've talked about children -- how many you want, or if you want them at all.
· If you have children from a previous marriage, he or she treats them with respect and kindness.
· You've considered not only the future responsibility of caring for your honey, but also the possibility of caring for their parents or other family members.
So you're in a relationship, and you're thinking about taking the plunge of all plunges -- marriage! How can you be sure, really sure, that you're making the right decision? Well, you can't. But we've come up with a list of issues to help you with the big questions. Read through them and see what you think.
Relationship
· You go to each other for advice, and you almost always come away feeling better about things.
· You are supportive of each other's decisions, even when they suck -- er, we mean, you just don't agree with them.
· You tell your honey when he or she has hurt you, instead of holding a grudge.
· You are generally able to resolve fights to your mutual satisfaction.
· You both know that relationships take work, and you are willing to go the distance.
· You respect, admire, listen to and just plain like each other, gosh darn it!
· You share enough of the same interests and friends that you don't feel like you are always on your own.
· You have similar spending/saving habits, or you've discussed how you'll each compromise to keep the peace.
· You have the same attitude about paying bills or debt management.
· You are aware of each other's total present debt, if any.
· You have discussed how you will merge your finances once you get married, and you are comfortable with the plan.
· You have told your honey about all your money and have no hidden nest eggs, 'just in case.'
· You have similar definitions of a 'comfortable' income, and similar or symbiotic income goals.
Sex
· Your sexual needs are compatible, and you are both satisfied with your lives between the sheets (on the kitchen table, in the shower, wherever).
· You are comfortable giving and taking sexual suggestions and requests.
· Birth control is something you consider a joint responsibility, and you have openly discussed your options and preferences.
· You use sex as a healthy and FUN expression of your LOVE, not as a way to gloss over problematic issues in your relationship, a weapon, or an easy way to solve disputes (without addressing the root of the argument).
· You've 'fessed up about your sexual past (at least most of it!) and had frank discussions about STDs and previous partners (or lack thereof).
Family
· You generally get along with each other's families (we're not talking about a sappy love fest, just general friendliness and goodwill), and if not, you've at least discussed to what extent they will play a role in your future family life.
· You are willing and prepared to regard each other as your most important familial relationship after you get married.
· You have similar religious beliefs or you have discussed how to incorporate religion into your future family.
· You've talked about children -- how many you want, or if you want them at all.
· If you have children from a previous marriage, he or she treats them with respect and kindness.
· You've considered not only the future responsibility of caring for your honey, but also the possibility of caring for their parents or other family members.
