Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
Original post by cherandgeo
So my parents have paid for the all of the main stuff for the wedding, cater, ballroom etc. FH and I have taken care of the other things like the invites, flowers, dress. All his parents have paid for up until this point has been the rehearsal dinner and a fourth of the transportation costs and a fourth of the cost for the photos. So a total of about $1000 per parent on his side. We asked them to cover the tax and gratuity on the reception (about $2000) b/c we do not have any more money and my parents have already paid for enough. His mom says sure, that she will have her $1000 to us by the end of the week. His dad tells us that he will consider half of it as our gift and we will have to pay him back the other $500!!!!!
I told FH that it's absurd!!! You don't see my parents asking us for $15,000 do you?!! Jesus, you would think he is hurting for money but he's not. They live in this huge house and go on vacation and have 4 cars and we can barely buy groceries b/c we are saving every dime for this wedding. AND his reasoning is that he has already paid for his daughters wedding and she's been married three times (how is this our fault), it is the responsibilities of the brides parents to pay for this one. So basically my parents are sh$t out of luck since they were dealt the crappy hand in genetics and had two girls right?
ughhhhH!!!!!! I am sooooo mad right now I could just cry!!!!!
Espo22
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Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
he shouldn't have told you he would give you money and then change his mind BUT honestly at this point be glad that you had SOMEONE contribute $15,000 towards your wedding...Theres so many people who dont get a dime and have to do it all on their own and would wish for even just a little bit of help. Its our decision to get married and when doing so we need to make the decision knowing we can afford it and do all the calculations ahead of time. For a year ive been putting in for everything myself and its not easy, i think our families will help when it gets closer considering the amount of ppl they're all inviting, which i would do fine on my own if it werent for so many people lol...BUt as of now im calculating as though im paying for everything. i would have been so happy if i got $15,000 at this point towards my RH, every month i have to calculate exactly how much im able to spend and make sure i keep a certain amount in my bank account and constantly having to send out payments since my Rh i pay every 2 months, plus installments for vendors and all other wedding expenses. Just feel blessed for what you do have and dont stress about the other things.
Belongs2DanBuckley
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Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
I understand you being upset but TRUST me when I tell you- coming from someone who is working 3 jobs to pay for EVERYTHING, plus paying $500 every month to my parents in rent and paying for my father's and my brother's cell phone......sometimes things aren't as bad as they seem.
FH's father threw us our eparty and honestly he did NOT have to do that! I don't expect anything else....if we get anything I'll be ecstatic but I really am not anticipating anything.
I understand the frustration, but truly you should be grateful. If you really want to split hairs, the tradition is that the BRIDES parents pay for the wedding.
beram63
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Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
fh's mother is paying for nothing. my mother's paying for nothing. i COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from and how the whole sexist brides-parents-pay tradition is total BS when IN's often make SO many demands. the bonus is that you don't have to meet the demands of a person who is not carrying their weight.
in the end, the other brides are right. i'm working on trying to get rid of the same feelings because i have to get along with these people for the rest of my life. there's nothing worse than decades worth of awkward thanksgiving dinners spent with people who make you uncomfortable.
cherandgeo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
Posted by Espo22
he shouldn't have told you he would give you money and then change his mind BUT honestly at this point be glad that you had SOMEONE contribute $15,000 towards your wedding...Theres so many people who dont get a dime and have to do it all on their own and would wish for even just a little bit of help. Its our decision to get married and when doing so we need to make the decision knowing we can afford it and do all the calculations ahead of time. For a year ive been putting in for everything myself and its not easy, i think our families will help when it gets closer considering the amount of ppl they're all inviting, which i would do fine on my own if it werent for so many people lol...BUt as of now im calculating as though im paying for everything. i would have been so happy if i got $15,000 at this point towards my RH, every month i have to calculate exactly how much im able to spend and make sure i keep a certain amount in my bank account and constantly having to send out payments since my Rh i pay every 2 months, plus installments for vendors and all other wedding expenses. Just feel blessed for what you do have and dont stress about the other things.
I am greatful to my parents and his mom for wanting to contribute. When we first got engaged we were going to pay for everything and do a destination wedding. his parents threw a fit and insisted that if we did not get married closer to home they were not going to come. So after sitting down with all the parents and figuring out a budget, whether any of them were going to contribute (we did not ask, they offered, all four of them) and then once we have things rolling and are in need of cash then he goes back on his words. not cool.
FH and I have put in more than both parents combined in our wedding so it's not like we are not contributing plus we have to pay for airfare back and forth to St. Louis and that all adds up and we are paying for all of our out of town bridal party's attire that are in the wedding (dresses and tuxes) since they have travel expenses. We are barely scraping by and that's fine with me b/c it's our wedding and we are making sacrafices for it. We have been living off of one salary for about a year, 80% of my salary goes into the bank for the wedding.
When someone tells you one thing regarding the budget and you have everything set and waiting on payments and then they go back on their word, it's not right. And for that person to be a parent is really sh*ty.
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
Posted by cherandgeo
Posted by Espo22
he shouldn't have told you he would give you money and then change his mind BUT honestly at this point be glad that you had SOMEONE contribute $15,000 towards your wedding...Theres so many people who dont get a dime and have to do it all on their own and would wish for even just a little bit of help. Its our decision to get married and when doing so we need to make the decision knowing we can afford it and do all the calculations ahead of time. For a year ive been putting in for everything myself and its not easy, i think our families will help when it gets closer considering the amount of ppl they're all inviting, which i would do fine on my own if it werent for so many people lol...BUt as of now im calculating as though im paying for everything. i would have been so happy if i got $15,000 at this point towards my RH, every month i have to calculate exactly how much im able to spend and make sure i keep a certain amount in my bank account and constantly having to send out payments since my Rh i pay every 2 months, plus installments for vendors and all other wedding expenses. Just feel blessed for what you do have and dont stress about the other things.
I am greatful to my parents and his mom for wanting to contribute. When we first got engaged we were going to pay for everything and do a destination wedding. his parents threw a fit and insisted that if we did not get married closer to home they were not going to come. So after sitting down with all the parents and figuring out a budget, whether any of them were going to contribute (we did not ask, they offered, all four of them) and then once we have things rolling and are in need of cash then he goes back on his words. not cool.
FH and I have put in more than both parents combined in our wedding so it's not like we are not contributing plus we have to pay for airfare back and forth to St. Louis and that all adds up and we are paying for all of our out of town bridal party's attire that are in the wedding (dresses and tuxes) since they have travel expenses. We are barely scraping by and that's fine with me b/c it's our wedding and we are making sacrafices for it. We have been living off of one salary for about a year, 80% of my salary goes into the bank for the wedding.
When someone tells you one thing regarding the budget and you have everything set and waiting on payments and then they go back on their word, it's not right. And for that person to be a parent is really sh*ty.
it does S*ck that they went back on their word, i said that from the first post sorry. Unfortunately you learned the hard way that you can't go by someones word, honestly even now i just save enough for the WHOLE wedding, we've been told we'll get help but i was never told an exact amount or when it would be given, its kind of like people forget, but somehow they dont forget to add to the guestlist lol.
PegaLega
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Member since
Re: Are your freaking kidding me!!!!! Vent about inlaws!!!!!
Unfortunately people 'forget' what they have promised when it comes to the nitty gritty. While I agree that the statement should not have been made unless he was willing to help you out-there is a point where you have to just grin and bare it. My ILs offered to help-never said how much-and while I am VERY appreciative of the immense help they did offer (they paid ALOT) I didnt expect it even after they said they would.
My ILs felt the same way-that the brides family pays...period. But after my SIL got married that changed...in their minds it was why cant my son have the same wedding as my daughter? And it changed.
Try not to let it bother you too much-tho it will, its just a part of wedding planning and it will all work out in the end!
