Arranged marriages....

Had an interesting conversation with a friend who is married - it was an arranged marriage between her parents and her DH's parents...she said while she was skeptical it was the best thing for her as her parents found someone wonderful for her....got me thinking about parents/mates/etc. My parents did not love FH at first but as soon as he asked them for my hand they warmed up to him....mom once said he is not at all the kind of guy she would have picked for me....

what do you all think about arranged marriages? do you trust your parents to pick your soulmate for you?

I was arranged... hehe sorta. His dad set us up. I worked with him. We always laugh about how often can a dad can pick his sons wife for him.
But my parents love my FH and disliked my ex fiance... so i guess they do know whats best for me and how to spot a loser.

but as a whole, i'm not for arranged marriages. I think you should be able to pick them yourself!

(didn't post real opinion in first post)

I think people who grow up with arranged marriages as a custom do not have the same ideas about soulmates or marriage that we do. For many women around the World a good husband is one that doesn't beat you, provides a good home for you and your children and is a 'good' meaning moral man. A good wife is someone who keeps your home clean, prepares food and raises your children well. So the idea of a 'soulmate' has NOTHING to do with a 'good, happy' marriage.
And don't forget in cultures where marriages are arranged dating is not a normal activity. Couples do not go out alone and get to know each other. So very often these people who not know the difference lust, love and man/women friendship. They have little to no experience with any of that.
So their defination of love is probably very different from many of ours.

Arranged marriages are often used to keep women 'in their place' and prevents many women from being independant or free-thinking, which is considered horrible in many cultures. It is also a way of keeping different races/religions from 'mixing' and thus ensures that their way of life will contiue. And since divorce is unheard of in many of these cultures if your parents do pick a 'not so great guy' tough luck on you.

Now do I believe my parents COULD pick a 'good' man for me, probably. I doubt they would pick a guy making $3.35 a hour with a drinking/drug problem. BUT I don't believe that anyone can find you a true love. Yes, friends can set you up or tell you about 'this great guy' but in the end only you can figure out if this is really the man that you love and want to marry IMO. It cannot be forced or arranged.

it is all about who you feel most comfortable with, not your parents.
So no, I am not a fan of arranged marriages

Not a fan either. I understand some people have customs that they still use in the U.S. today, but I would be a very bad daughter if my parents expected me to be with someone they chose for me. I really would rebel. What if I really didn’t like him in ahemm some ways after we were married? What if I didn’t want to have his children b/c I really didn’t love him? Some cultures this is expected, whether you like it or not.
We have a couple of people in the office where the couple was ‘introduced’ as they call it. A colleague also knows two brothers who were ‘introduced’. Its strange the things she tells me. None of the friends know who the ladies are. Its as if its some secret they are getting married. Meanwhile all of their friends know.

arranged marriages are a traidtional part of indian culture. my parents had one, my friend's parents had one, and lots of my friends had them. they're not as strict as they used to be (where you had no choice - your parents found someone and you had to say yes) .. nowadays the term arranged married is more like an 'arranged meeting'. i always thought my parents would freak if i told them about FH but they slowly accepted it very well.

basically, i see nothing wrong with it. if i hadn't found FH or someone else i would see no problem with my parents looking for someone. for me, i know my parents know what i want. obviously not completely, but pretty close. so i'm not against it, but not totally for it

a girl I went to HS with had an arranged marriage while we were in HS. I thought it was very weird. One day she's in class laughign with us, then she was gone the entire semester to return married.

I felt bad for her because we were all planning what to wear to the prom, when to go to great adventure and planning our summer she wasnt going to the prom, looking for an apartment and a job.

She now has a son and she said she isnt happy. She loves her son but hates the fact she was married at a young age and it was arranged.

I dont think I would trust my parents on picking a man for me.

michele31 ~ you definitely have more rights in this country and on a normal blind date than you would have on an 'arranged blind date'. i hear the stories of my friends who were arranged and its so weird - you can date but you're always under the watchful eyes of both sets of parents who want to know whats going on. but if it works for someone, why not.

i don't believe in 'soulmates' either .. but i think that doesn't have to do with customs as I know plenty of completely american people who don't either. i believe you find a man who you can love and be happy with and can live the rest of your life with .. but that doesn't mean he's the only man you could ever be in love and happy with.

On the subject of arranged marriages in general, I don't think I could say anything more that could add to what Michele31 said, so I won't even try...but I agree!

As far as my parents picking me a husband...my mom has a hard enough time picking a blouse that I'd like so I no, I don't think that would be such a good thing.

I, personally, would not want my parents to pick a husband for me...but, I worked with people whose marriages were arranged and it seemed to work for them.

All were born in other countries and all were from very traditional, very religious, very close knit families.

I was closest with the Indian guys, and in both of their cases, they knew of their prospective wives somewhat-they were childhood neighbors. They did date and both had the opportunity to say no, as did their wives. The husbands were both computer programmers, one wife was a surgeon in India, the other on electrical engineer.

They, as well as their wives, all seemed happy at the time and are still happily married.

As far as my parents picking me a husband...my mom has a hard enough time picking a blouse that I'd like so I no, I don't think that would be such a good thing.

This is
I think the people I work with are getting too used to me laughing at my desk, all alone. They must think 'This girl needs sooo much help'