My fiance & I are going to ask one of his sisters (that we both don't really want in the party) to make his mom happy.
What is the best way to ask her, in a way that if she doesn't want to either, doesn't feel compelled to say yes to make us happy?
I know this may be a silly question... please no mean comments!
Thanks in advance!
cmwals01
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
I sent everything a nice little hallmark card since I live out of state. You could do that. Or take her out to lunch.
quirkybride
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
in my opinion, just to be on the safe side ask in person if it's possible. I wouldn't say anything about that she doesn't have to say yes if she doesn't want to, that might be weird. It's a question, and it's giving her the opportunity to say yes or no.
leesah85
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
i ordered 'bridesmaid' totes from oriental trading for all my bridesmaids and then made little cards for all of them. i have photos in my album.
Iluvpoodles
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Really, if you don't want her in it, please don't ask her to please people. This is your wedding. Trust me, his mom will get over it. Explain to her you only want the people you are closest too and that yoyu are keeping it small. If you are forced to ask her without a doubt, ask her but tell her you completely understand if she has other obligations and can't be in it..
monkeemunk
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
fh and i were in a similar situation. no one was forcing us, but i thought that she might feel a lil odd being a bit older than the rest of my bp and also has 4 kids i thought shed want to enjoy yhte day with and not be away from her husband for pics, coktail hour, etc. also she hates being photographed. i lost sleep over this situation, thinking fh would be pissed with me telling him this, so after i talked to a lot of people and fh, we decided we are going to ask her to do a reading.. hope shes ok with this! but do what you think is right.... good luck!
Im_My_Own_Princess
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Posted by Iluvpoodles
Really, if you don't want her in it, please don't ask her to please people. This is your wedding. Trust me, his mom will get over it. Explain to her you only want the people you are closest too and that yoyu are keeping it small. If you are forced to ask her without a doubt, ask her but tell her you completely understand if she has other obligations and can't be in it..
ITA!
don't ask her if you and FH don't want her. Just tell your FMIL that you're not comfortable with it. if you guys have a rocky history you dont want to deal with that while planning your wedding.
BUT if you decide you do want to ask, OR FH wants his sister then ask her in person... trust me, I lost sleep and made myself sick over asking FH's SIL... but in the end, I just flat out asked her, no speech or nothing (i was kinda put on the spot) and she said yes with no hesitation.
Krissart
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Thanks everyone.
See the thing is, he has two sisters, and he wants the other sister and her husband in the party, so that would make the other one feel left out.
I do want to start off on the right foot with my FMIL, so I will **** it up and ask her, just want to do it in a way where she feels she could say no :)
Lets hope she says no!
quirkybride
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
hey, I think you're doing the right thing. You don't want to take the chance of pissing people off and then they hold it against you for years to come. I watched my FH's family get so pissed a few years ago when his brother's wife didn't ask the only sister in law. I don't know if this is the ONLY factor in them having problems with her, but it definitely didn't help.
quirkybride
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
and I'm not saying I think it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's not worth the possible backlash, ya know?
I'm not close with my FH's sister, but I see it as we're joining families and I'd like to be closer with his family.
Krissart
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
I agree. I'd rather deal with her for one day than deal with hard feelings for the rest of my life.
But you know how people being asked to be a bridesmaid say yes, but they don't really want to, but feel bad saying no? I want to do it in a way so she feels she could say no.
How do I achieve this? Let's think.
quirkybride
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
I can't think of anything right now. I said to my best friend/MOH are you sure you want to take on the responsibility something like that but that's because I'm comfortable with her. You know his sister...is she going to be offended and think you might not really want her in the party if you said something like that?
Krissart
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Yea.. I have to be more subtle. I'm not close with this sister at all
Iluvpoodles
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Posted by quirkybride
hey, I think you're doing the right thing. You don't want to take the chance of pissing people off and then they hold it against you for years to come. I watched my FH's family get so pissed a few years ago when his brother's wife didn't ask the only sister in law. I don't know if this is the ONLY factor in them having problems with her, but it definitely didn't help.
I get what you are saying but is not required and there is no rule saying you have to have anyone, in your BP, or even a bridal party for that matter. I know plenty of people, including my own family, with brothers and sisters who were not inclued in the their BPs and from what I know there were no problems. If your in-laws, sil, whoever is going to let not being asked to be in a BP cause problems for years to come, then I think that's their problem.
quirkybride
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Posted by Iluvpoodles
Posted by quirkybride
hey, I think you're doing the right thing. You don't want to take the chance of pissing people off and then they hold it against you for years to come. I watched my FH's family get so pissed a few years ago when his brother's wife didn't ask the only sister in law. I don't know if this is the ONLY factor in them having problems with her, but it definitely didn't help.
I get what you are saying but is not required and there is no rule saying you have to have anyone, in your BP, or even a bridal party for that matter. I know plenty of people, including my own family, with brothers and sisters who were not inclued in the their BPs and from what I know there were no problems. If your in-laws, sil, whoever is going to let not being asked to be in a BP cause problems for years to come, then I think that's their problem.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but some people have old school views on this and I just don't think it's worth the fight.
quirkybride
Posted:
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Re: Asking a bridesmaid..
Posted by quirkybride
Posted by Iluvpoodles
Posted by quirkybride
hey, I think you're doing the right thing. You don't want to take the chance of pissing people off and then they hold it against you for years to come. I watched my FH's family get so pissed a few years ago when his brother's wife didn't ask the only sister in law. I don't know if this is the ONLY factor in them having problems with her, but it definitely didn't help.
I get what you are saying but is not required and there is no rule saying you have to have anyone, in your BP, or even a bridal party for that matter. I know plenty of people, including my own family, with brothers and sisters who were not inclued in the their BPs and from what I know there were no problems. If your in-laws, sil, whoever is going to let not being asked to be in a BP cause problems for years to come, then I think that's their problem.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but some people have old school views on this and I just don't think it's worth the fight.
In my case it wasn't a risk I KNEW my FH's family would be pissed about it, because they talked about the other girl previously infront of me. My FH's mom was so pissed she said she didn't even feel like going to the wedding. Since then his mom has apologized to me for talking about it in front of me. But I know what'd I'd be in for if I didn't ask.
