Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Original post by njbound07

Jan 30, 2007 01:29 PM

ok... long story short... There's a BM that already paid for her dress.. The dresses has not come in as yet.. but some things happened the night of my shower on Saturday (after the shower ended) that I can not get over... how do I do this??

1- Ask her to step down and reimburse her for the dress, and I get stuck w/ the dress or -

2- Ask her to step down and tell her when the dress comes in I'll ship it to her?

TIA

***UPDATE***

Ok the EX-BM called me on Tuesday, saying that she was upset about Saturday night?!!! That there was sooo much negativity and what not.. so this was my opportunity to tell her how I felt about saturday night. I basically told her that it was HER who brought the drama and negativity that night... and I can take the risk of this happening th night of the Bach. Party and the night before the wedding and especially the day of the wedding. I went on to tell her that she embarassed me and I don't want to feel that I have baby sit everything that she says or does for the upcoming events She then went on to say that, that if this is how I feel then maybe she shouldn't be apart of the bridal party being that I can't trust her. Also, she will not be attending the wedding as a guest either (although I was still going to invite her to the wedding). She also said that when I can I should reimburse her for the dress asap... so I basically said will do.. I will send a check by Monday. it seems to me that this ex-bm is more mad than I am?? when it should be the other way around.

Seriously, I will definitely reevaluate my 'Friends' after this wedding is over. I'm so sick of people being fake. Claiming that they're happy and excited for you and then their true colors/feelings come out. The people who tell me that they're happy for me when deep down they're faking the funk... newsflash... I KNOW YOUR FAKING IT! so don't play me... I'm not dumb (ok maybe I am). Don't they know that I can see right through them???

2Be1 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 09:41 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by christina&mike07

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressing you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

Okay I was going to say no one turns into a nasty negative b**ch overnight and you had to know she was this way before you asked her to participate in your wedding but then I read this please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! knowing this I can't understand why you asked her in the first place.

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:16 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by 2Be1

Posted by christina&mike07

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressing you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

Okay I was going to say no one turns into a nasty negative b**ch overnight and you had to know she was this way before you asked her to participate in your wedding but then I read this please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! knowing this I can't understand why you asked her in the first place.

she was always nice to me... but whenever she drinks she always finds herself in a fight with someone but never with me.... I thought that she would know that for the wedding that she would tone it down... she always kept on telling me that don't worry girl.. this day is all about you.. and you don't anyone stressing you out... so I thought that she would respect the fact everyone at my MOH's house was there for me.. and that she would'nt cause any beef.. but I was wrong... and she threw herself into my Bridal Party.. I thought.. wow she must be really happy for me that she wants to be apart of my day./.. how can I say no?? now I wish I did say no. she automatically thought that she was in the BP.. when I first told her that i got engaged.. she was excited and said so what colors are we wearing and when are we going dress shopping... so answer your question.. I never asked her!

maybride75 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:21 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

wow tough call yeah i feel the same way as alot of these other girls here if you are asking her to step doiwn then definatly you should be the one to reimburse her for her dress. but for your sake i hope you are prepared to lose a girlfriend cause this may hurt her real bad

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:25 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

i guess she should've thought about that too before she acted like a fool in front my family and friends.. I'm tired of thinking of everyone else's feelings and no one thinking of mine.

KellyDance Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:29 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by christina&mike07

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressing you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

It doesn't even really matter what happened, it matters how you feel. I had to do the same thing. Sometimes you have to learn who your true friends are the hard way! I would ask her to step down, tell her your reasons, and reimburse her for the dress. You will lose a friend, but sounds like you have other great friends who you want by your side at your wedding. I wouldn't invite her...at least I didn't. It's a hard thing to do...so make sure you write everything down, so you don't forget what to say in the 'heat of the moment'. JMO Good luck!! Just remember that anyone who wants to ruin what should be the happiest time in your life-isn't a friend and shouldn't be standing by your side.

2Be1 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:37 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Then I would be totally 100% honest with her and tell her everything you have told us. That she promised you she would behave herself but instead decided to show her a** out at your shower and at this point you don't even want her to participate in your wedding.

MrsMichel07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 10:47 PM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Christine - KICK HER OUT ASAP!!!

If you don;t she will be a big headache on the day of and seems like she will try to sabatoge your day.

Pay for the balance of dress if anything and send her our her merry wway!!!

njbound07 Posted: Jan 31, 2007 07:49 AM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by MrsMichel07

Christine - KICK HER OUT ASAP!!!

If you don;t she will be a big headache on the day of and seems like she will try to sabatoge your day.

Pay for the balance of dress if anything and send her our her merry wway!!!

Yes Ma'am! I will do so! lol... I called her last night but she didn't pick up her phone... so we'll see.. but I already have my mind made up to not have in the BP anymore...

Mooshyboo Posted: Jan 31, 2007 10:03 AM

Re: Askinga Bridesmaid to step down...

I am sorry that you are going through this and have to do this...if i was in this position i would offer to pay her for the dress. (keep it and if you want to replace her ~ hopefully the sizes will match.)