I want me and my girls to go out to dinner and I ask them to be bridesmaids give them little goody bags etc. I figured it'd be a girls get together kind of thing. now my friend is telling me I should be paying for everyone since it's for my wedding etc.
am I supposed to pay? I'm so broke right now but I wanted to go out and ask them not just ask them from my living room lol. I thought everyone would just pay for themselves like a normal dinner.
is paying for everyone the right thing to do? is that how it normally goes? I need to get a book or something I know none of this wedding stuff lol.
Lilnessa
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Re: asking the bridal party?
I don't think you have to pay for them, you're not proposing it like a 'hey girls let me take you out to dinner' if you setting it up like a normal girls night out dinner get together and you ask them its totally fine! Plus i think its cute that you are getting them gifts as well. Don't worry about it I doubt they would be offended or be expecting for you to pay.
Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by Lilnessa
I don't think you have to pay for them, you're not proposing it like a 'hey girls let me take you out to dinner' if you setting it up like a normal girls night out dinner get together and you ask them its totally fine! Plus i think its cute that you are getting them gifts as well. Don't worry about it I doubt they would be offended or be expecting for you to pay.
I just told them I wanted everyone together so I can ask them officially and give them goody bags which is bridesmaid stuff :) then my one friend made a comment how normally I'm supposed to pay for something like that since it's my wedding. I spent like $200 on gifts so I am now freaking out because I'm sure it'll be probably another $200 to take 4 girls out to dinner. I just don't want to look cheap lol.
cj52514
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by Diorprincess
Posted by Lilnessa
I don't think you have to pay for them, you're not proposing it like a 'hey girls let me take you out to dinner' if you setting it up like a normal girls night out dinner get together and you ask them its totally fine! Plus i think its cute that you are getting them gifts as well. Don't worry about it I doubt they would be offended or be expecting for you to pay.
I just told them I wanted everyone together so I can ask them officially and give them goody bags which is bridesmaid stuff :) then my one friend made a comment how normally I'm supposed to pay for something like that since it's my wedding. I spent like $200 on gifts so I am now freaking out because I'm sure it'll be probably another $200 to take 4 girls out to dinner. I just don't want to look cheap lol.
I don't think you look cheap at all! It's so cute that you gave made them goody bags. I don't think the girls will expect you to pay for them. I think they'll appreciate how you made asking them a special experience and they'll realize you put money into it by making them the goody bags!
If it makes you feel better, my bridal party consists of my FSILs. Since they'll in 3 different states, I asked them all in a fb message
Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by cj52514
Posted by Diorprincess
Posted by Lilnessa
I don't think you have to pay for them, you're not proposing it like a 'hey girls let me take you out to dinner' if you setting it up like a normal girls night out dinner get together and you ask them its totally fine! Plus i think its cute that you are getting them gifts as well. Don't worry about it I doubt they would be offended or be expecting for you to pay.
I just told them I wanted everyone together so I can ask them officially and give them goody bags which is bridesmaid stuff :) then my one friend made a comment how normally I'm supposed to pay for something like that since it's my wedding. I spent like $200 on gifts so I am now freaking out because I'm sure it'll be probably another $200 to take 4 girls out to dinner. I just don't want to look cheap lol.
I don't think you look cheap at all! It's so cute that you gave made them goody bags. I don't think the girls will expect you to pay for them. I think they'll appreciate how you made asking them a special experience and they'll realize you put money into it by making them the goody bags!
If it makes you feel better, my bridal party consists of my FSILs. Since they'll in 3 different states, I asked them all in a fb message
my future maid of honor has just driven me crazy telling me how normally I am supposed to pay because it's my wedding. I was like but it's not like it's the little gift given part before the wedding where I take them out and give special gifts etc. I just assumed everyone would be fine paying for themselves cause we're just getting together for fun and for me to ask. I'm gonna go broke and I haven't even asked my girls yet lol. I spent all month doing little goody bags with cards, pins to wear at engagement party, and am getting the cookies for them lol.
she's like well you are asking everyone to go to dinner. can't girls get together and eat? just because I happen to be asking them and I made the plans now I should pay? *sighs*
Christina11913
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Re: asking the bridal party?
this is tricky, I feel as though you should pay. You are the one asking them to dinner and to be in your wedding. They will be footing the bill for ALOT of stuff for your wedding. I know its expensive but try to make it a nice/cheap place.
Why not have them over your house? order food and buy wine?? This way its intimate and cheaper than dinner out with drinks.
Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by Christina11913
this is tricky, I feel as though you should pay. You are the one asking them to dinner and to be in your wedding. They will be footing the bill for ALOT of stuff for your wedding. I know its expensive but try to make it a nice/cheap place.
Why not have them over your house? order food and buy wine?? This way its intimate and cheaper than dinner out with drinks.
I wanted to go to Ciao baby in Massapequa but now I might just go to Sole in Oceanside instead. I'm not sure which will be cheaper. my grandma suggested Denny's which drove me insane lol.
I love having people over to my house and take out food, etc but I do that so much I feel like it won't be special since we literally do that all the time I dunno what to do. I could maybe just order in from Baci Cafe which isn't far away from my house and they have really good food. I'd never go to eat there because it's like 3 hours for a table on Sat nights.
vppjzv
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Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by vppjzv
My girls already knew for a few months they were in it, but I 'formally' asked them and gave them gifts at our engagement party. They thought I was crazy for even giving them something lol.
Traditionally the Bride does a BP luncheon, usually right before the wedding or when you and all the girls go for the bridesmaid dress fitting. I don't know if I'll even do that because 3 of my 4 girls are out of state.
There are no steadfast rules, these are different times. I wouldn't say you HAVE to pay for them, but if they're giving you a hard time about it and you can't afford too much, I'd say do the house party idea. But in my opinion, it could just be a girls get together and you shouldn't have an obligation to pay for all of them.
Are you having an engagement party? You could always wait until then. Ours was a few months after we got engaged.
yeah we're having an engagement party but I'm impatient I can't wait that long to ask :) my fiance is asking at the engagement party but that's because that's the only time all his boys will be together (1 lives in Pa)
Diorprincess
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I think we are just going to get take out and have it at my house. that way we can have tons of bottles of wine for free lol. plus I can afford to pay for take out when you take out tip and drinks. it'll be a lot easier to give goody bags too instead of having to carry all these bags by myself.
Lilnessa
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Planning a wedding is expensive and as your friends they should understand. Going to Ciao baby (my fav place to dine with my girls btw!!) will definitely get expensive with 4 girls. Since you are having an engagement party I would just wait until then to do it, plus they will feel super special if you ask them in front of everyone and give them their gifts. Or..you can always do the casual dinner at home with them. Either way they will appreciate (maybe not your MOH lol) anything you do!
natalierose1085
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Re: asking the bridal party?
This is a tricky one. If you are giving them a gift then I would say no you don't also have to pay.
A cheaper alternative to do this could be to invite the girls over for dinner. Cooking something would be cheaper then dining out!
I ended up asking my girls at different times and it was very informal. Most of them I asked when they were over my house and I provided wine and snacks, which I would have done on any other night I had the girls over. I think it just depends how formal you want to be.
LilinBobby
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Don't do it!!! Of course right after you ask them you are expected to pay! Don't ask me why but you will be and they will wonder why you didn't. Even though they are your friends and yes they should understand you don't have a lot of money...people don't care. In the back of their minds they will think that. I am just being honest. That's why I asked mine at our engagement party...so I didn't have to pay twice!
Maybe what you should do is take them to a lunch like a hibachi place that does lunch for $10 each (I know Sumao in Islip does this and its gorgeous) and thats it...then you are not broke! Lunch is always cheaper than dinner. Or Mamas in Copiague has a Thursday night chicken and pasta night for like $12! Amazing food!Or...cook them dinner at your house and have some wine and give out the goody bags. Number one...how special that you made them a nice meal and number 2 you get to have a great time with no time limit. If you have to question something then to someone somewhere it's wrong and I know everyone says 'don't care what others think' but in this case since it your bridesmaids and it is you asking them out you should foot the bill.
LilinBobby
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Oh I just read about you doing take out and wine! That's hot! I like that idea!! Sorry I didn't read past the first few! LOL
mattandjess2013
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Uhm you are not supposed to pay at all. I had asked all my girls to go to dinner one night to give them little bags, and I was not expected to pay for them. You are paying for a wedding, how do they expect you to pay for them all to go to dinner? INSANE!
Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by Lilnessa
Planning a wedding is expensive and as your friends they should understand. Going to Ciao baby (my fav place to dine with my girls btw!!) will definitely get expensive with 4 girls. Since you are having an engagement party I would just wait until then to do it, plus they will feel super special if you ask them in front of everyone and give them their gifts. Or..you can always do the casual dinner at home with them. Either way they will appreciate (maybe not your MOH lol) anything you do!
well now future moh is just saying she was just letting me know how it's supposed to be. I am doing dinner at my house and one day dinner at ciao baby because it's so yummy I love going there with my girls too so much food. that gemelli con whatever is the best thing ever lol.
Diorprincess
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by mattandjess2013
Uhm you are not supposed to pay at all. I had asked all my girls to go to dinner one night to give them little bags, and I was not expected to pay for them. You are paying for a wedding, how do they expect you to pay for them all to go to dinner? INSANE!
well according to my future moh those are the rules if I say lets go out then I should be paying lol. since it's for and about my wedding etc. and anything wedding related I guess it's my job to pay lol. I'm just doing take out now and I can pay for that. my other friend offered to get my favorite wine shipped in so yay for that(it's impossible to find around here) I just don't wanna come off cheap or like I want them to waste money.
Lilnessa
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Re: asking the bridal party?
Posted by Diorprincess
Posted by Lilnessa
Planning a wedding is expensive and as your friends they should understand. Going to Ciao baby (my fav place to dine with my girls btw!!) will definitely get expensive with 4 girls. Since you are having an engagement party I would just wait until then to do it, plus they will feel super special if you ask them in front of everyone and give them their gifts. Or..you can always do the casual dinner at home with them. Either way they will appreciate (maybe not your MOH lol) anything you do!
well now future moh is just saying she was just letting me know how it's supposed to be. I am doing dinner at my house and one day dinner at ciao baby because it's so yummy I love going there with my girls too so much food. that gemelli con whatever is the best thing ever lol.
Your MOH sounds like one of my BMs, she had a lot of opinions on what i was 'supposed to do' and who was supposed to pay for what..I just ignored her :)
Im a eggplant rollatini type of gal!! and the coconut martini is my absolute fav!
teacherteacher
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Re: asking the bridal party?
I made 'will you be...' boxes and asked my girls to meet me for lunch at grand luxe - they didn't expect to pay once they opened their boxes, they were so happy to be asked! i don't think your girls will expect you to pay, either.
