At my wits end with FH's family-UPDATE Back
mimid15 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:13 PM+
mimid15 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 149 WEDDING DATE: Sep 12, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:13 PM bride-minus.png

At my wits end with FH's family-UPDATE

I need to vent or else I might be brought up on charges for murdering one of his family members.

It all started with his sister the BM FROM HELL that I posted about on here a few times....Long story short there she is kicked out of the birdal party after she expressed that the BM dress doesnt go with her hair color or complexion..no time for her BS

We have been engaged now for 7 months and it kills me to say this...I have hated his family since day one of our engagement. If I were to fast forward 30 years from and look back on my engagment I would only remember the awful things they have done to me. I dont even know where to begin...From the fact that his father had to come check out the RH to make sure it was up to snuff for his stuffy pretensious taste...They think bc we are getting married on LI its not going to be classy enough!!...mind you they arent contributing a dime to this wedding!!!

I have gone above and beyond to kill them with kindness but the digs and insults have gone above and beyond. The final straw was when I so nicely asked them if they had friends they wanted to make sure were on the invite list so when I send STD out next month that they get one....The response i get...NO, this wedding is restricted to immediate family only....*** is RESTRICTED?!?!?!?!
---------------------UPDATE---------------------------------

No offense to anyone that is from CT but thats where they are from. They are your old school country club CT people....I mean every meal with them has to be at their club.

FH went there for Christmas without me to make a point and he laid everything out on the table and told them everything. They just dont get that the wedding isnt about them or his bratty sister, that its about us starting our lives together!..They even had the nerve to act shocked when he told them I woldnt be coming, like everything was 100% fine!!

Im sure they will be back to their old ways after the new year....Im starting to become numb to their insults!

Thanks for all the support ladies!!

ttdiff11 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:15 PM+
ttdiff11 MEMBER SINCE: 6/08 TOTAL POSTS : 10904 WEDDING DATE: Dec 05, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:15 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

omg im really sorry, i hope it gets better


does fh agree with you? maybe he can talk to them?

good luck!
JennyAPH Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:20 PM+
JennyAPH MEMBER SINCE: 6/08 TOTAL POSTS : 6240 WEDDING DATE: Sep 26, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:20 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

You better have some good security at the RH so all those friends that are on the restricted list dont try to crash!!!

Just ignore them and try not to let them get the best of you.. specially during your engagement. You dont want to have to look back on it and remember all the stuff they drove you crazy with. If they only want family then fine, thats their call.. you invite all your friends and family and just make sure you have the people you want and care for the most there!!

Maybe they dont even have friends??
mimid15 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:20 PM+
mimid15 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 149 WEDDING DATE: Sep 12, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:20 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

I just constantly get from FH ...'thats just how they are, Ive been dealing with it my entire life'

Im sorry just bc thats how they are does not make it right to treat someone like this!!
ELluvsMB Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:26 PM+
ELluvsMB MEMBER SINCE: 2/08 TOTAL POSTS : 2274 WEDDING DATE: May 24, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:26 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family


Posted by mimid15

I just constantly get from FH ...'thats just how they are, Ive been dealing with it my entire life'

Im sorry just bc thats how they are does not make it right to treat someone like this!!



This is exactly the same thing FH tells me. I've had tons of problems from the start. The latest one is FMIL is obsessed with making sure her and her husbands name gets put on the invite since she is contributing some to the wedding. I already told her about 5 times that of course her name will be put on it but every single time she speaks to me or FH she brings it up!! I can't stand it anymore...i honestly feel like saying 'mention it one more time and no your name won't go on it.' FH knows it pisses me off and I can see his face get scared when she does say something so I've held it in so far. I guess my advice is this, once the wedding is over they have no reason to bug you about you or FH's life. I think/hope things get better once it is over.
gina409 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:26 PM+
gina409 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 22731 WEDDING DATE: Oct 16, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:26 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

first off im so sorry u r going through this..second the next person u need to talk 2 is fh.if he agrees with u on most points then good if not u guys need to work it out b4 u move on to his parents.im not saying he has to agree with u 100 percent on everything but u two need to be agreed on most.now if u 2 are on the same page i hate ot break out old school but u need to sit down with is parenst and talki know it will be strange but it has to be done u will suffer and carry this around with u as long as u guys r married and it could even end up hurting that too.i would say in so many words and in a nice way.im not sure how you two feel about me but i am going to marry your son either way we love each other and would hope u can accept me.i would love for the two of u to be a part of everything but this is OUR wedding.we r payng for it so if we want it in a certain place or have whoever in the bridal party that is our decison.we love your input but dont need approval.we want this to work because we will ALLbe family.maybe we casn take baby steps to start respecting each other more.this was done not to offend or to hurt but to help us all....ok off my head thats what i got i know they r his parenst but u should neevr feel disrespected stand up for urself now or i think u will regret it..hth and good luck keep us updated fm me anytime if u want to vent i got big ears i can take it
MirabellaNYC Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:30 PM+
MirabellaNYC MEMBER SINCE: 8/08 TOTAL POSTS : 5827 WEDDING DATE: Oct 03, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:30 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

If it makes you feel better, one of my closest friends (and a BM of mine) went through planning agony with her In Laws...I mean her SIL still won't talk to my friends mom, and its been over 2 years!!

I seriously thought the wedding wouldn't go through for her, and it did, and you know what? Her in laws chilled out considerably and aren't such A-holes anymore. After the wedding they were like new people.
mimid15 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:59 PM+
mimid15 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 149 WEDDING DATE: Sep 12, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 01:59 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

I am not the type of person to forget the hell you put me thru. I may forgive u, but I will never forget what you did to me!
Deeglasser Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:21 PM+
Deeglasser MEMBER SINCE: 5/08 TOTAL POSTS : 1081 WEDDING DATE: Oct 31, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:21 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

that is awful... i'm sorry to hear you are going through this... you should try and focus on your decisions and what you want to do for your wedding... if they make comments like that- DON'T ASK THEM FOR THEIR OPINIONS ever again. if you HAVE to ask them, let FH deal with it... it's clear to me that he doesn't mind their attitudes... let him talk to them. also, you are being generous asking them for their friends... DON'T BOTHER ASKING. save yourself!!!! you should def put yourself and your feelings first in this... it's still early- you have plenty of time to turn this around and make it a positive experience for you and FH!!!!! good luck!
MirabellaNYC Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:39 PM+
MirabellaNYC MEMBER SINCE: 8/08 TOTAL POSTS : 5827 WEDDING DATE: Oct 03, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:39 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

Why won't you have your FH talk to them?? You're gonna be his wife, after all...He needs to stick up for his woman!
Remember, you marry the family-
ALOT of girls I know went through growing pains with their In Laws, and they should have stood up for themselves early on. Is it worth explaining to them how this is making you feel?
Dani777 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:46 PM+
Dani777 MEMBER SINCE: 1/08 TOTAL POSTS : 7607 WEDDING DATE: Apr 04, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 02:46 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

Wow...thats pretty messed up. What if you just kept your distance from them wedding related for awhile and then maybe they will eventually come around...? That's what happened to my FMIL...she didn't want us to invite all these people...she didn't want us to have a huge event...she didn't want this and that... then, finally just recently, she wants to know all details... Odd...
mimid15 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 03:01 PM+
mimid15 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 149 WEDDING DATE: Sep 12, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 03:01 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

We have had sit down meetings with his parents over everything...going back to the whole FSIL issue and all of the other issues since then. They just dont get it, they think that money buys happiness and what I told FH this morning is that your parents might have all the money in the world but they cant buy class!!

Its so foreign to me bc I come from a family where if something is bothering you, you address it right then and there, now matter how big or small the issue...His family is all about image and NOTHING is every wrong...and NOBDOY is to speak up...so to them when I speak up I throw them for a loop and I am the loud obnoxious LI girl. I have spoke my mind to them on more than one occasion but its not even taken in on their end.
gina409 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 03:18 PM+
gina409 MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 22731 WEDDING DATE: Oct 16, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 03:18 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

if it really has come down to that i would distance myslf from them when u go look at wedding stuff make it clerar they r not welcome or dont tell them when it is if they ask why then u say i have tried but u goes wont meet me half way there is only so much a person can do maybe fh should talk 2 them alone..hth
HappyBride22 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:08 PM+
HappyBride22 MEMBER SINCE: 8/08 TOTAL POSTS : 514 WEDDING DATE: Jun 26, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:08 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

Where the heck are they from that they fell like a LI wedding won't be 'up to snuff', ? There is nothing more frustrating then being nice and doing everything you can and still getting s**t for it. I am lucky that I have not had problems like this at all....hopefully it stays that way.
TheLadyJ Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:30 PM+
TheLadyJ MEMBER SINCE: 3/08 TOTAL POSTS : 1360 WEDDING DATE: Sep 14, 2012
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:30 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

neither of my FSILs are talking to me at the moment over something petty and stupid. Christmas should be fun.

FMIL threw a fit when I said we postponed the wedding because 'it will be embarrassing for her to tell her friends'. Well, we are postponing for financial reasons, and FILs have not offered a dime to pay.

We are all in the same boat apparently. The important thing to remember is how much we uber-love FH. we cannot change his family, so all we can do is learn to deal with them, or learn to ignore them.
cbakos85 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:49 PM+
cbakos85 MEMBER SINCE: 6/07 TOTAL POSTS : 147 WEDDING DATE: Nov 07, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 04:49 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

Im having the same problem with my FH family... I cant STAND them.... I would never tell him this, but i use to question this engagement solely because of his family.
browneyes Posted: Dec 23, 2008 05:04 PM+
browneyes MEMBER SINCE: 8/08 TOTAL POSTS : 1978 WEDDING DATE: Oct 09, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 05:04 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

what.. omg im so sorry.. Was the Fh always jerks to you or did this just happen after you two got engaged?>?
Debrian2009 Posted: Dec 23, 2008 07:32 PM+
Debrian2009 MEMBER SINCE: 11/08 TOTAL POSTS : 1162 WEDDING DATE: Nov 07, 2009
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 07:32 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

I feel for you, I really do...I haven't had a good track record with my FH's family, well, part of it...mostly FMIL, FSIL and his brother...it's really taking it's toll on us...it's very hard to push the negativity and comments to the side...and he doesn't say or do much about the 'situation' either...

You just have to do what's best for you...and continue to live life the way you want to...and never change who you are to please them...sounds like they are the ones with the issues.

Sorry girl! Hang in there.
endlesslove116 Posted: Dec 24, 2008 10:45 PM+
endlesslove116 MEMBER SINCE: 9/08 TOTAL POSTS : 974 WEDDING DATE: Nov 07, 2009
Posted: Dec 24, 2008 10:45 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

WOW! i am so sorry you have to thru this and deal with this kind of family that you are about to enter! what does your FH say about this and about his his family is treating you and acting? he has to say something to them, that is disgusting and they should not be treating you this way! but guess what? you are NOT alone! everyone goes thru this and has that person from hell in their family and it seems like every giril has issues with the FH side of the family, well at least one member of that family! to make it sweet and short (haha sweet?? yeahh right but ok whatever ill try to be sweet).. i am having lots of issues with FH brother and his wife! they just arent happy for us and she has been putting me down and everything she knows about this wedding! but you know what? i ignore the ignorance and both me and my FH are convinced this is all being done out of JEALOUSY and they are nothing but jealous of the kind of wedding we are having cause they didnt have one.. oh well not my problem! ugh i hate them and i do not get along with them and what kills me the most is i have to have them in my wedding cause FH mother said we cannot take them out even though FH isnt getting along with his brother and sister in law either.. ughh this kills me and i dont know what to do but she is definately my BM FROM HELL and i cannot stand her.. but i already told my sister in law (MOH) that i am ignoring her and she will not be part of any of our fun and festivities and my sister in law already told me if she dares try to ruin my day and say something wrong she is going to KILL her.. LOL! sorry long post.. but dont get bothered with them, they are not worth your time! just enjoy your FH and make the best of it and just ignore them! cause once this is over than you dont have to deal with them as much as youd have to now during this planning.. hang in there and i wish you the best of luck with this, good luck with everything! :)
mohajeriny Posted: Dec 24, 2008 11:51 PM+
mohajeriny MEMBER SINCE: 7/08 TOTAL POSTS : 463 WEDDING DATE: Mar 06, 2009
Posted: Dec 24, 2008 11:51 PM bride-minus.png

Re: At my wits end with FH's family

i am so sorry you are going through this ... honestly if it were me i would say something to my FH and have him say something to them... they need to lighten up and put all the bs aside.. some people can be so ignorant and just cold hearted.. don't let it get to you- focus on your big day and the good things that come along with it.. keep the main picture in mind and F them if it must get to that.
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