Augh...Family Vent

Since I started planning my wedding, my family has really just been getting under my skin. I know that sounds totally horrible...but they are just adding sooo much addational stress to wedding planning that needs be...
Lets start off with my Mom... She is telling me constantly that she thinks I am doing everything 'extravagent'. BS!!! I am cutting corners in every which way possible. So then she goes on to compare my wedding to my sisters back in the early 90s, or even HER sisters from back in the early 70s!!! So, then I explain to her that things are like they were back then...things def. have changed, but yet I am STILL cutting corners. So, then I ask her again, how am I being extravagent...? So then she goes on about the limos... 'You don't NEED 2 stretch limos AND a fancy car...' I cut her off...yes I do...I have a large BP and they won't all fit in ONE car... so I got two. So there's two cars, but no where for FH and myself, so I neeeed to get that 'special car'... Then she says that spending $1k on a DJ is crazy...but we need to have a DJ that has a million dollar insurance... cheap ones do NOT have that...AUGH! Then she starts complaining that she can't talk about it no more, and she just thinks its too much. She proceeds to continue that her sister, my aunt, thinks the same as she does. That why am I doing everything soo crazy for one day? I'm like, does ANYONE understand I'm planning my wedding.?!?! Doesn't end there, but I will add ONE more.. HA. (I can go on for HOURS LOL...) She said, 'Why are you inviting soooo many people?' I was like to !!! Seriously!!! I'm invitining family and SOME friends and SOME co-workers. Sorry that just family ALONE comes to 187!!! She just looked at me like a had a million heads!!!

Ok, moving on to the next... my oldest sister. She never had a wedding....she had 2 kids and then married their Father at Town Hall...but she is a compulsive liar! I have vented about her quite a few times on here.. LOL. But she is starting sooo much drama and LIES that it's driving me absolutly CRAZY! For some reason the RH called my Mom and left her a message. Now, she is ONLY paying a set amount, in which she already gave...which isn't that much at all. But, we are still appreciative of it. Anyways, my RH left my MOM a message to call them back... and my oldest sis heard it, so she went on and on and.... that my MOM IS paying for our ENTIRE wedding!! WHAT?!?!! I mean.... the RH never mentioned anything to FH and I...AND we are up to date already...everything is almost paid off... So I think they were trying to invite her to a showcase or something....nothing to do with money. So now my sister is saying that my Mom really IS paying for our wedding, and that my Mom should give THEM that same amount, since SHE didn't pya for THIER wedding!! Seriously...everyone in my family should JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

My other sister...my MOH...now she is awesome. She has been planning my shower, making sure I can invite everyone I wanted, and making sure that I am happy. She's great. She DOES have her mooments here and there that she compares to her wedding over 16 years ago... Like when I tired on my gown...she goes...yeah...there goes $1k! I'm like...actually..it's $800...so that's a great deal! It's a $3k dress that I was able to talk them down on the price! But, I can deal with little comments like that... just sometimes I end up snapping at her from those comments b/c I know tht she can take it...

But then, FHs side is nothing but supportive. His aunts write me emials to see what other crafts I came up with...and just in general how the wedding planning is going. It's just like two totally different worlds!

Anyways, I just needed to get that all out... t's been buildin up in me for some time now...

Does anyone really think that I am being too 'extravagent'? Am I having a bridezilla moment? I just don't know anymore. Please let me know if I'm in the wrong! Just need an outsiders view...
Thanks!

Honestly, just let it ride.

I dont tell people what I'm doing as far as planning because I know their opinions/unsolicited advice might irk me. I think the best thing is just to not bring up certain wedding subjects around your fam (ie your mom and sister) if you know they're going to put their 2 cents in that you WONT agree with.

Acutally, I don't talk to them AT ALL about wedding stuff...that's what bothers me so much. They see me working on crafts and jump on it. Then there will be times they will ask me what I'm doing for transportation, then they will jump on that. I never talk wedding with them...b/c it always end in fight. Thanks though...

Dani, sorry to hear that. I am sure part of it is that your mother doesn't realize the inflation. Things have gone up so much in price just since the millennium, even though they keep saying there is no inflation just going out to dinner is so much more. I am sure what was a good price for a DJ when your sister got married isn't even close now, but your mom might not understand that. My mom and dad keep going into sticker shock, but since they have been there for all the selections they know what a good price is so that helps. Still my mom finds what we do today extravagant compared to brides of her days. All the little things we do now that people didn't do then. But she said her mom said the same thing about her wedding. They just keep getting more and more elaborate. I would cut your mom some slack and try not to worry about the rest of your family. Its your day.

Thanks girls. I totally understand where my Mom is coming from, but it just never ends. Like, another example is my sister had her friend video it... but I'm hriing one...that has a huge fight. I let them all go... but it just starts to build up on me... I always thought planning my wedding would be fun and everyone would want to help...but it's just really the total opposite...

Thanks soo much though girls...

I'm sorry. We're here to help though!!!

awww you need hugs!

Umm, $iK on a DJ?? $800 on a wedding dress??

They are insane, and rude.

and regarding your sister, am I remembering correctly, doesn't your mom babysit for her almost every day? Is that someone else? Why do I think it's you?

NO OFFENSE. If this WAS you, then taking these two things together, your sister sounds like an ungrateful, disgraceful, jealous piece of work. She is bitter about how her life went, and she's taking it out on you. I'm always surprised at how obvious people let themselves be.

If she IS the one who has your mom babysit all the time, then please tell her that your mother has given her MORE than she has given you in free babysitting time already, and she can just shut her a$$ up, stop being so obviously jealous, and try to reach down as far as she can into herself and try to be happy for her sister. And as far as money goes, you mom is entitled to do whatever she wants with her money. The fact that your sister says your mother OWES her the difference is so disgusting, I don't know what to say.

How about your mother raising you? How about her giving you life? She owes your sister nothing, and frankly, neither do you.

Of course, this whole post is predicated on the fact that she is the one who is having your mom babysit every day. If this isn't her, then maybe she's just being a jerk, and isn't the complete disgrace I am picturing. Because if it IS your sister, then your mom has gone ABOVE AND BEYOND WITH HER, AT THE EXPENSE OF HELPING YOU PLAN THE WEDDING AND BEING A PART OF YOUR EXPERIENCE.

I don't know why this got me so mad, but it did. I'm so so so sorry, and just feel better knowing that your mom clearly has no idea about how much modern weddings cost. Because $1000 for a DJ and $800 for a dress? The complete opposite of extravagant. To me, it sounds like you are being completely budget-responsible.

I'm so sorry, and even more sorry if I am wrong.

I'm sorry you're going through this! You definitely are not being extravagant...you seem like one of the more frugal brides on here, and I'm 'Bride of El Cheapo' and my dress and DJ is and will be more than what you paid...so I guess that makes me a spending fiend!

(Edit to FH who is possibly lurking on me AGAIN...I am not calling you cheap, I am calling myself cheap, so back off )

I know it's not my place to really say it, but your sister does seem bitter about the path her life took, and is just taking it out on you. I know it's hurtful, but try to look past it.

From what I see, no you are not being extravagant. But even if you were- who cares! It's your wedding. YOURS. Not theirs.

Family is a PITA during the planning process. You know I have my share of problems as I have posted. But as the day gets closer- and it's REALLY close for us April girls! Remember, it's only about you and your FH.

I have the EXACT same situation as you. I understand how frustrated you feel. My mom thinks that everything is too over-the-top and that I'm just going to feel let down when all the hype is gone. (So because I'll miss the excitement, people should not get excited for me????) My three sisters are my MOHs but the three of them constantly complain about everything. My oldest sister complains about the fact that the bm dresses are 150 when she'll never wear them again. Meanwhile, my mother is paying for it. My middle sister texted me a while back saying that my wedding is stressing her out because what the bridesmaids want to do is too costly and extravagent for a bachelorette. (They are taking me to a waterpark and renting a house in the poconos for the weekend. Total will be like 100-150 per girl for a weekend). And then my youngest sister, she complains the least but she has her own way of being selfish. As in, I had to explain to her that the photographer will be there for me and not to take pictures of her and her boyfriend. All together, my sisters are paying 200 towards the wedding each which includes my gift. I understand their financial situations and don't care about the money but when you are off the hook from me, stop commenting on everything I do. My middle sister even had the nerve to say that she doesn't agree with how weddings are these days and doesn't think my mom should be paying for all of this. Ps. My parents are giving me money but its 1/5 what FHs parents are giving so its not like they are eating the entire cost. The money they gave doesn't even cover the guests they invited. Don't get me wrong, I totally totally appreciate their help and its so nice of my parents, but they have demands to (i.e. how many guests they want). If cost was an issue, they could cut there.
In any case, my family has been terrible to work with in this situation BUT I know that in general they like don't realize how the world works sometimes. They are not always in touch with reality. Thats something that always frusturates me but its not anything personal. It stinks but don't think of it as them trying to sabotage anything. Just realize that some people don't get things and that it happens to be your family. If you let it get to you, it will overshadow your special day.

---

Posted by Suzanner

Umm, $iK on a DJ?? $800 on a wedding dress??

They are insane, and rude.

and regarding your sister, am I remembering correctly, doesn't your mom babysit for her almost every day? Is that someone else? Why do I think it's you?

NO OFFENSE. If this WAS you, then taking these two things together, your sister sounds like an ungrateful, disgraceful, jealous piece of work. She is bitter about how her life went, and she's taking it out on you. I'm always surprised at how obvious people let themselves be.

If she IS the one who has your mom babysit all the time, then please tell her that your mother has given her MORE than she has given you in free babysitting time already, and she can just shut her a$$ up, stop being so obviously jealous, and try to reach down as far as she can into herself and try to be happy for her sister. And as far as money goes, you mom is entitled to do whatever she wants with her money. The fact that your sister says your mother OWES her the difference is so disgusting, I don't know what to say.

How about your mother raising you? How about her giving you life? She owes your sister nothing, and frankly, neither do you.

Of course, this whole post is predicated on the fact that she is the one who is having your mom babysit every day. If this isn't her, then maybe she's just being a jerk, and isn't the complete disgrace I am picturing. Because if it IS your sister, then your mom has gone ABOVE AND BEYOND WITH HER, AT THE EXPENSE OF HELPING YOU PLAN THE WEDDING AND BEING A PART OF YOUR EXPERIENCE.

I don't know why this got me so mad, but it did. I'm so so so sorry, and just feel better knowing that your mom clearly has no idea about how much modern weddings cost. Because $1000 for a DJ and $800 for a dress? The complete opposite of extravagant. To me, it sounds like you are being completely budget-responsible.

I'm so sorry, and even more sorry if I am wrong.

---

No..that wasn't me. My mom never is around her grandkids... That upsets all of us. She never went to ANY of their soccer games or anything, but with her new boyfirend, she'll go to HIS grandkids football games... I already warned her...when I have kids... she's going to get pictures ALL the time...and I'm gonna have THEM call to say...'grandma, can you.... blah blah blah' Maybe THEN she'll realize what she's doing. lol. Yes, I'm def. cutting corners in every way possible.. but my Oldest sister is jealous... she got married in court lol.. I don't know...it's just rather annoying...

Even in recent years prices of wedding stuff has skyrocketed.... it's absolutely ridiculous and in a way I agree with them (no, I don't blame you and you're not being extravagent... it's just the cost of things is insane now).

My parents still get shocked with everything too, but they try to breathe and accept it... lol they're ENTIRE WEDDING cost $1200 (and it was a nice wedding!) in 1979 so I understand they are

Okay, Then I take it back. I thought it was you!!! However, I am so sorry about your mom- that is really sad, and I hope she realizes what she's doing. And as for your sister, still, to say that your mom should give her the money? That's messed up.

However, she is not the black-soulled disgrace I thought. My apologies to you and to her. Man, these boards can get you all riled up sometimes!!!

---

Posted by Suzanner

Okay, Then I take it back. I thought it was you!!! However, I am so sorry about your mom- that is really sad, and I hope she realizes what she's doing. And as for your sister, still, to say that your mom should give her the money? That's messed up.

However, she is not the black-soulled disgrace I thought. My apologies to you and to her. Man, these boards can get you all riled up sometimes!!!

---

No..it's TOTALLY fine... my sister still IS a compulsive liar and makes up lies about me and tells them to everyone. So I do feel as if I am always explaining the truth to everyone she tells the lies to, and it's just sooo frustrating. No need to apoligzie about my sister...she almost got kicked out of my BP about 10 times...Who knows if i really will end up doing it..HA.

---

Posted by JamDancer

Even in recent years prices of wedding stuff has skyrocketed.... it's absolutely ridiculous and in a way I agree with them (no, I don't blame you and you're not being extravagent... it's just the cost of things is insane now).

My parents still get shocked with everything too, but they try to breathe and accept it... lol they're ENTIRE WEDDING cost $1200 (and it was a nice wedding!) in 1979 so I understand they are

---

Oh yes...I try to tell them all to check out all other prices...florist, DJ, all of them... and then look at everything I got, and the price for it all. Even our HM! I mean, we're going to Ireland for 2 weeks for under 4k!! Can you really ask for more?!! lol.

I understand what you are saying. In the beginning my mom didnt understand why I couldnt pay for my own wedding and get a house. Im like are you kidding me? Even as I was booking stuff she couldnt believe how much things were fortunatly for me she got over it, Im sorry your going through this. Be strong and just tell your family as little as possilbe. If they ask questions tell them mininmum stuff that way you dont get your self aggrevated. IF your exctied about something and want to share , share with your friends or share with us thats what we are here for
xoxo

---

Posted by melcc83

I understand what you are saying. In the beginning my mom didnt understand why I couldnt pay for my own wedding and get a house. Im like are you kidding me? Even as I was booking stuff she couldnt believe how much things were fortunatly for me she got over it, Im sorry your going through this. Be strong and just tell your family as little as possilbe. If they ask questions tell them mininmum stuff that way you dont get your self aggrevated. IF your exctied about something and want to share , share with your friends or share with us thats what we are here for
xoxo

---

Awww...thanks sooo much!!