today we went to get BM dresses for my friend's wedding (she's getting married three months after me.) Everyone but me liked this one dress. It was really, really ugly. But she knew i didn't like it so we decided to think about it. but then i felt bad, i didnt' want to hold everyone else up just because i didn't like the dress. so i called my friend and told that i'm happy to buy whatever everyone else wants.
Now...the frustrating part: Besides the fact that I don't like it, it will cost $300 after alterations, plus it needs a special bra, plus I could swear i heard her say to have our hair done up. Since i can't do that myself (or know anyone who could do it for me) that means i have to get it done. her wedding is on a sunday morning, so that also means i need to pay someone to come to my house. So i see this as a $400-$500 outfit when all is said and done and i can't really afford that. Or, if I do spead all that, then it means i have to give her less of a gift, and i really dont' want to do that.
Any idea how to help me with this?
ML110
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
welcome to the wonderful world of being a bridesmaid. i spent about $1000 to be in my friends wedding in july of 2004.... it gets a littel crazy between the dress, the hair done, shoes... and then whatever you have to contribute for the shower and bachelerette party if she has one.... it gets nuts.... for the most part though, you have a few months or maybe even a year to save up for things, so that helps... is she in your wedding? if so, just think about it as being even because she'll be doing all of this for you soon.... or you could have a talk with her about things- maybe ask her to pay for your hair instead of giving you a bridal party gift, or something like that- it really is a sticky situation because you don't want her to feel like she has to pay for stuff for you, but you want to be a part of her day too.... i think theres really only two things you can do- start saving and smile and nod- LOL or talk to her about your concerns and maybe be a part of the wedding another way like by doing a reading or passing out programs or bubbles or something....
AlliNMatt06
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Well, you signed up to be a BM and this is what comes with the duties. I say suck it up, and go with the flow. The girls in your BM might feel the same way, but they care about you and are doing what ever makes you happy. I say to do the same.
If you really have concerns about money, ask if you could step out, and maybe do something else like a reading.
werock0709
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
I would go with the flow. Try and save here and there, and see what happens. This does become expensive, and unfortunately she assumes your willing to go through with it. If you really can't afford this I would say something now, before you get in too deep.
lipglossjunky73
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Put some of your wedding money aside as well - good thing its after you get married- right now FH and I are making all plans that require money after the wedding, when we may ultimately finally get out of our hole!!!
Mystere
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
atleast you already have a great pair of shoes it will cost like $10 to get your white shoes dyed to match
its hard being a bridesmaid sometimes
ETA: sorry bad spelling
Ser29
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
see i think thats pricey.. i'm trying to be reasonable - letting my girls have say in the dress, trying to go for a far priced dress like under 100, FH's uncle is a hair dresser and owns his own shop so he's bringing his crew to do the girls hair for free, their doing their own makeup, i'm making it nice and simple!
suven
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
she said hair had to be 'up'...that doesn't really mean 'full updo'
Naunie
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Maybe you can get your dress through Gownfind.com?
JPC1125
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
do you know the dress?
Im curious to see a picture to see if its really that bad
I hate how expensive weddings are for the BP...I tried to be a lenient with my girls as possible.
I think some women see it as 'its MY wedding and its what I want' but as a friend and not a bride, you have to consider who you are asking to pay mucho $
Is it worth it when in the end your friendship with the BM isnt as strong as before???
Colleen1230
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
If you can't afford it I would step down now. Explain to her that you would love to be in the BP, but you just can't afford to right now, or go along with what she wants.
jenny26
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
We all have been there, but she is your friend and you love her.
There is nothing ou can do about the dress, but maybe you can compromise about the hair.
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Posted by Colleen1230
If you can't afford it I would step down now. Explain to her that you would love to be in the BP, but you just can't afford to right now, or go along with what she wants.
I agree.
personally, I would never choose a dress that was so expensive. not everyone has that kind of money. and the BP also pays for shoes, hair, makeup, bach party, shower, wedding gift. $400-$500 on a dress is insane.
R&J0806
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Thanks for the advice ladies. I'm her MOH so I could never step down, but I wasy PRAYING she'd offer to let me wear a different dress -- no such luck.
She, and another girl in her wedding party is also in mine. My dresses will be $200, including alterations, etc. And the other girl in both wedding parties made a point to tell me she didn't want to spend more than $200...so I don't get why it was okay for her to spend $300 on this girls....
I'll be sucking this one up I guess. And unfortunately, I think its going to have to come out of her gift.
LBride
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Ulta's salon is open sundays FYI...
You mean a lot to her which I'm guessing is why she asked you to be her BM, if you can find a way financially, do it for her
stephanief
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Posted by AlliNMatt06
Well, you signed up to be a BM and this is what comes with the duties. I say suck it up, and go with the flow. The girls in your BM might feel the same way, but they care about you and are doing what ever makes you happy. I say to do the same.
If you really have concerns about money, ask if you could step out, and maybe do something else like a reading.
I agree 100%.
EvenEdan
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
I think this comes with the territory of being a bridesmaid. My bridesmaids spent over $300. on their dress and paid to have their hair and make-up done.
103005FallBride
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
When I read posts like this...I think...my Bridesmaids had it GOOD...DAMN GOOD!!!
suven
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Posted by 103005FallBride
When I read posts like this...I think...my Bridesmaids had it GOOD...DAMN GOOD!!!
exactly. I had them buy their Bill Levkoff gowns off the internet for $134 which INCLUDED the matching shawl.
I also paid for their updos and bought them garnet earrings set in white 14K gold. My mom paid to have their shoes dyed and I gave them all bags full of gifts.
mbm750
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Re: Awful Dress -- please help!
Posted by robynlevy
Thanks for the advice ladies. I'm her MOH so I could never step down, but I wasy PRAYING she'd offer to let me wear a different dress -- no such luck.
She, and another girl in her wedding party is also in mine. My dresses will be $200, including alterations, etc. And the other girl in both wedding parties made a point to tell me she didn't want to spend more than $200...so I don't get why it was okay for her to spend $300 on this girls....
I'll be sucking this one up I guess. And unfortunately, I think its going to have to come out of her gift.
for what it's worth, i'm sure she knows you're sucking it up, and will appreciate that. i didn't like my last bm dress either, but i'm not the bride so i tried to limit my comments (esp since everyone else liked it), and i appreciated it when my girls limited theirs. the money thing is an entirely different issue and it's a bit rude of her i think to ask you to spend so much, but if you can do it and she means a lot to you, i would do it too. good luck!
